Parenting Stories, Struggles and Strategies for Moms and Dads of School-aged Children, Teenagers, and Impactful Parents

033: Labeling Children

Labeling Children Podcast gives you 5 tips for keeping the connection with your child and rid yourself of labeling.  Labeling and judgments kill a connection with your child and you may be doing it subconsciously!  Try the FREE PDF below to discover your own judgments and how you might be labeling children.

FREE PDF MENTIONED IN PODCAST: https://theimpactfulparent.com/labelsandjudgements

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You’ll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Don’t forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don’t miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Transcript:

Is your relationship with your teenager slipping away?  Do you argue all the time?  Well, this short video is for you!  Watch as I explain how you may be casting labels on your teen that you don’t even realize! Yes, you!  We all do it!  I am Kristina, founder of the Impactful parent, a teacher for over 15 years, and mom of 4 kids. Labels and judgments are a teen’s worst nightmare when they are insecure and trying to figure out their place in the world.  The more we judge and label, the more our teen pulls away and distances themselves from our relationship with them.   Watch and see how…

 “Good Job,” I tell my toddler as she attempts to put away her dinner plate by herself.

“No, honey.  We do not scream inside the house. That’s bad,” I tell my 5 year old as he runs around the living room.

As parents, we are consistently labeling our children’s actions as either good or bad from the time they are born.  In the young years, this labeling serves the purpose of teaching our children right from wrong, and it also expresses our behavioral expectations for them.  However, as our children get older- we must move away from this kind of labeling. 

Do you label your child’s actions, interests, or even choices as good or bad?  You may be thinking, “Of course not Kristina,” but I am going to challenge that thought because I think you do!  We all do it! We vomit our judgment and opinions all over our kids all the time!  Has your teenager ever walked out of their room with a less-than-desirable outfit or your son blast music from their headphones that you simply don’t like?  Who are we to judge and make labels on other people? Perhaps you label your child’s decisions as either the right choice or bad choice because you feel you know better?  For me, I pass judgment on my children because I am trying to save them from making mistakes.  I say things like, “I can’t believe you chose not to wear a jacket today! It’s freezing outside. That was a bad choice.”  See! I passed judgment that the decision they made was bad when I was just frustrated with them that they were needlessly going through pain or struggle (in this case, they were cold.) However, my caring is being perceived by my child as judgmental.  I accused them of being wrong and having to change!  Adolescents are already the most insecure creators on the planet.   When someone who is supposed to love them unconditionally criticizes them, it is a big blow to their mental health.  If parents make these judgments and labels often, then the teenagers begin to pull away and the rift between parent and child begins.

What is the antidote? It starts with us, the parents.  As with most things, you must first be aware before you can change it, so this week I challenge you to start becoming aware. 

1. Catch yourself labeling events, actions, and choices as good or bad. When you mark your child’s choices, you are also inadvertently telling them that THEY are wrong, and you are the authority.  News flash: Teenagers hate this! Teens will rebel against authority if the message doesn’t fit their logic.  The more you tighten your grip and try to assert your authority, the more your child will rebel.  What worked for you when your child was a toddler, will not always work for you now that they are older, trying to claim their own opinions and identity.
2. Teenagers need boundaries, but they also need choices. Set your non-negotiable boundaries and then discuss with your teenager what you can be flexible with.   You need to give them choices within your boundaries so that they can feel in control too.
3. Allow them to make mistakes. Let your child ride out the consequences of the choice they make.  It is the best way for them to learn, and you shouldn’t protect them from their choices unless it is going to cause them bodily harm.  
4. Listen more and talk less. Don’t express every thought that comes to your mind.  This is where a lot of the labeling and judgments reside.  Practice WATCHING your thoughts instead of speaking them aloud.
5. Be mindful of your thoughts. Are you trying to manipulate your child into making the “right” choice OR are you protecting them from making a “wrong” choice?  Why? What are the consequences of that “wrong” choice?  Can you make their “wrong” choice a learning experience if you let them be themselves?

To help you self-reflect, I have created a FREE resource document to download.  Discover your habits and parenting practices that you didn’t even know were there!  With awareness, we can limit our judgmental actions and move toward a better relationship with our children!

Also, go to https://youtu.be/6gn3u8PoFaA and watch last week’s video about Expectations Hurt Your Relationship With Your Child. 

086: The BEST FIRST phone for your child.

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085: Bonding With Kids Through Gardening

Here are the links from today’s episode Bonding With Kids Through Gardening:  ableveg.com

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for Bonding With Kids Through Gardening :

Kristina: Welcome impactful parent. Today we're going to talk about the positive impacts of gardening on your kids and Bonding With Kids Through Gardening. Today I have a special guest, Laura Koval. Laura is a master gardener and owner of AbleVeg, a company that helps people create and maintain their backyard gardens. Not only that but, Laura is a mom of two boys, ages four and five.

Laura: Thank you for having me, Kristina. This is really fun.

Kristina: I'm excited to learn about gardening because I've always wanted to have a green thumb. Still, I'll tell you right now, I am horrible at it! I can't keep anything alive. Having said that, I really believe in growing your own food and the connection that plants can make for your kids. It is so beneficial. So tell me, what does AbleVeg do?

Laura:  My business is to help people, just like you, who either want to get a garden started and don't really know where to start or help people who have tried starting a garden and still feel like they're not getting enough bang for their buck. So our goal is to get people set up with products, and then we also do private consultations. We get to know our clients, and we get to know their gardens. So as problems come up and questions come up, you're never gardening alone.

Kristina: That's awesome. Why do you think gardening is such a great activity for families?

Laura:  We adopted our two kids about a year and a half ago from the foster care system. I've been a lifelong gardener, so for me, I grew up playing in the dirt with my parents and learning all about plants and how to grow them. When our kids came to us, they had been primarily on a fast-food diet for their early years. We all know with kids- getting them to eat healthfully is challenging enough, especially when they're going through picky eating phases. Still, it really hit home for me that these kids had never eaten vegetables! They didn't naturally like them! I think it's important to give various food options to bridge nutritional gaps and stay healthy.  I think when we went through COVID, we all realized that our food system is not perfect. There is great value in having a backyard garden and living a healthier lifestyle.

Kristina: I'm horrible at keeping anything except for my children alive. Are you sure that gardening, especially for people like me, will be a good idea?

Laura:  I'm really glad you've been successful in keeping your kids alive!  I think what tends to happen is, people who have not grown up in a garden get excited to put things in the ground, and before you know it, their plants start dying. It is very frustrating! Then they feel bad and blame the death of their plants on their skill set.  Soon, these people give up on gardening and don't try again.  There is a solution, though! There are ways to tailor your space and tailor your garden (and we'll talk about that during the presentation a little bit) to set yourself up for success.

Kristina: You have a presentation for us! That sounds perfect. Let's go ahead and get to that.

Laura:  Gardening is great for the whole family. One of the biggest benefits of gardening is low impact exercise. It also helps combat loneliness. There's lots of documentation on the mood-boosting benefits for adults who spend time in gardens. It's considered to be something that can reduce your stress and helps cardiovascular health. People who are actively gardening see benefits in their entire body. It decreases the risk of dementia. There's a really cool book called The Blue Zones, but the guy who wrote this book actually found these areas on the planet where people live to be 100 years and older. Gardening is one of the things that he recommends because of all of these added health benefits.

There are also benefits for your whole family! Gardening is an all-ages activity! Gardening gets people away from screens. Especially if you've been stuck at home with your kids this last year, TV and technology have become a babysitter. Gardening is a great opportunity to stop screen time and get your kids outside.

Gardening also drastically increases the number of vegetables that your family eats. This has been hugely helpful for our little ones because they're way more excited to eat it on the table when they see it grow on the vine. Gardening also gets kids outdoors and in the dirt. When our grandparents were alive, they were dirty all the time. Gardening creates routines for kids.  We have all seen our kid's routines get disrupted and how impactful that is. Gardening is another great way to keep your child on a schedule. It also gives kids a sense of responsibility! My little ones love watering the garden.  Usually, when they're watering the garden, it means they're filling up buckets and flooding out plants, but they want to help! Kids want to be helpful in the process. They get really excited to be gardening, planting seeds, and it gives them some autonomy in the family. Kids feel like they're being helpful. It also enhances children's fine motor development.

Gardening is also a real-life lesson in science and math! We talk a lot now about the importance of STEM learning with children, and this is real life, daily lessons in chemistry and math.

And the last big family benefit is that gardening engages all five senses for kids! Kids with sensory issues get lots of benefits because it engages them enough that it gives them focus. Kids are not just sitting at a screen or staring at the TV.

Kristina: There is definitely something special about touching nature. Gardening and getting outside is almost an immediate mood booster for anyone in your family.

Laura: Now I want to get into some of the HOW-TOs of gardening, especially if you have never done this before.

These are called grow bags. (Photo in the video)  They are made of felt-like material, but you can also use flowerpots. Using these items is called Container Gardening.  Container gardening is a great way to get started with your family because it's easy and fits anywhere. You just find whatever little spot of fun you have in your yard, you put your container there, and you can watch things grow. You can grow so much stuff in these containers! They are super easy for families because you just fill it up, and you can get started gardening! Many people make the mistake of digging up their backyard soil and grass. Still, Container Gardening is a really user-friendly way to get a garden started.

Next, find an online resource like the Farmers Almanac. It'll let you put it in your city, and it gives you exact dates of what will grow and when to put it in the ground. It's an easy guide, so you're not just putting guesswork into when you're going to plant things like peppers or tomatoes. It will let you know—definitely a great tool for beginners.

Kristina: Oh, I love that.

Laura:  And then these are seeds that you can direct sow, meaning you just get your package of seeds, and they're really easy to put in the ground. I encourage parents to get direct sow seeds because you see the whole process from start to finish. If you put those in the ground, radishes will actually leaf out within a few days, and you can harvest some of them in 30 days or less. It's a quick turnaround time. Which can be really engaging for kids. You just take your little seed packet and go home. Your kids can help plant them. The nice thing here is when you buy seeds, they're going to get packaged directions of exactly how to put them in and how far apart to grow them. It's really fun for little ones.

Kristina: I noticed that you have beans on that list. Do you recommend a particular type of bean?

Laura: There are two general categories of beans. One is called a bush bean. It's an eight-inch tall plant, and the beans grow off of that plant. The other variety is called pole beans. Pole beans will climb, which is kind of fun, especially for younger kids. My favorite one to grow is probably a Dragon Tongue bean. They are purple and yellow in color.

Now let's talk about purchasing transplants. Transplants are already grown that you transplant into your garden. These are nice because you can get a head start on fruit or vegetable production since you're not starting from a seed.

And then, the next step is just making a little plan for your space. Your kids can use graph paper and help you make measurements.  Kids can also help you calculate how much space each plant needs and how far apart you need to sow each plant.

Kristina: I also want to mention to parents that gardening is a fantastic opportunity to connect grandparents with teenagers. 

And being an impactful parent as you are, how has this affected your own children?

Laura: Well, I'm proud to say my children now eat cherry tomatoes unprompted. But they love those they love the piece that we've grown, they're even really trying hard to like the lettuce right now.  He's doing his best. The poor little guy is just not quite there yet.  I've seen my kids get excited about plans, vegetables, and their diets have changed.  They are much healthier now.  I'm going to be the first person to admit that I'm not the crafty mom. I'm not the mom who's good at fantasy play. But I am the mom who can take my kids outside and show them the wonders of nature in the world. I have been able to spend quality time with children and connect with them through gardening.

Kristina: If my audience wants to know more and get your help with gardening, how can they contact you?

Laura:  We are at Ableveg.com and offer free 10 minute consultations. Even if you only have a simple, quick question like, "Why do I keep killing my squash," we're happy to do that for you for free. We just want you to get started and start a legacy with your kids with gardening.

Kristina: Thank you for being on today, Laura. I really appreciate what you're doing.

Bonding With Kids Through Gardening

032: Teaching Responsibility

How do we teach children responsibility at different ages and different stages of development? 6 tips to help you grow a responsible adult!

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You’ll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Don’t forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don’t miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Transcript:

First, what does it mean to teach responsibility?  What would be the end goal for you?   For me, teaching responsibility is teaching my child (#1) how to be dependable.  Can my child be counted on? Do they keep their commitments? Do they keep their word?  (#2) Being responsible also means to me that my child is accountable for their behavior.   Can they take ownership of their choices and with that- even own the consequences of their actions and lastly, (#3) Being responsible also means that my child is an active contributor to their world.   For me, being responsible is an active role, not a passive attitude.   Responsibility requires action and is not something that just happens to people.  Responsibility is something that people choose to be or do actively.  

So how do we teach responsibility then? We cannot do this overnight.  It takes time- even years.   Part of teaching your child HOW to be responsible is also letting them TAKE responsibility for their choices.   Not wanting your child to fail and sheltering them from consequences and pain or even doing too much for your child- does not teach your child to take responsibility for themselves.  On the other hand, there are times when children need guidance and support so that they can learn how to be responsible.  

So how do we keep this balance and grow children who are responsible?  Here are 3 TO-DO and 3 DO NOT-do items:

Teaching Responsibility Tip #1:  Communicate your unconditional love to your child.   This sounds like a no-brainer, but many people are all talk and no action.   They tell their children that they will love them unconditionally meanwhile criticize them for choices and try to mold them into the kid the parent always wanted-  instead of respecting the kid they are.   This sends mixed messages to your child.   So be conscious of HOW you express this unconditional love to your child with your ACTIONS and not just use lip service.  If your child knows and trusts your unconditional love, they will be more likely to take healthy risks.  In addition to this, build up your child's confidence and show them that you believe in them!  Make them feel capable, trustworthy, and believe that they can solve problems they encounter.

Teaching Responsibility Tip #2:  Set limits and boundaries on what YOU will do for your child.  This is true for all ages and all levels of development.   If your child has the cognitive ability to do their laundry- then let them.   If they can only sort out the colors from the whites- then let them.  At some point, you have to say- I am not doing this for you anymore.  You are old enough now to do for yourself.   Setting limits and boundaries teaches your child how to behave, teaches values, and shows them not only new expectations but you are inadvertently telling your child that you trust them.  You are allowing them to grow up and instead of stifling their growth by doing everything for them.  Along these same lines of creating boundaries, parents should not meet every need for their child at the moment they need it.  This is just setting up your child for disappointment when the real world does not cater to them.   By not meeting their needs immediately and not giving them everything they want, you provide an opportunity for your children to tolerate some frustration, delay gratification, become less impulsive and less self-centered.

Teaching Responsibility Tip #3:  Let them face the consequences.  Set standards of behavior that you expect your children to meet. You establish consequences for breaking the rules, and you follow through on those consequences. I follow through with consequences with my kids in a matter-of-fact kind of manner.   We talk about the choices they made. We discuss how things could have been better.   We plan for next time this happens, and then they face the current consequences for their actions.  Period.  No more discussion.  No more obsessing about the past and what-ifs.  Just take the consequence and move forward.  Let your child whine to their friends if they want but make them sit with their consequences.  Bring love and learning to the frontlines, and soon you will be fostering their development of taking responsibility.

Teaching Responsibility DO NOT Tip #1: Don't give them too much.   This will not teach your child to appreciate anything, and with no sense of appreciation- your child is likely not going to be responsible with their given privileges.

Teaching Responsibility DO NOT Tip #2: Don't too much for them. Do not be a  hover parent, the helicopter parent, or the lawnmower parent.  A hover or helicopter parent is always right over the child, ready to rescue them whenever they anticipate trouble.  A lawnmower parent mows down all the obstacles their child can face.  This kind of parenting is a disservice to your child.   Doing things for your child that they can do themselves results in them not learning how to care for themselves. 

Teaching Responsibility DO NOT tip #3: Don't do things yourself just because it is easier.    I know this is difficult.  Remember when your child was a toddler, and they just wanted to tie their shoes, but you had to get out the door in 5 minutes, so you just tied the shoes yourself or bought Velcro straps?  Yeah- me too.  I did it.   And the consequence is that my seven-year-old still does not tie her shoes well.   I did a disservice to my child by buying Velcro because I did not want to be inconvenienced.   Now that your child is older, the stakes are higher. They need to learn responsibility, and you cannot shy away from it because it may take you an extra hour to teach it. 

084: How To Prevent Eating Disorders In Children

How To Prevent Eating Disorders In Children

Here are the links from today’s episode:

Dr. Cabanna-Hodge at https://drrosann.com

Do you have a child that struggles with ANXIETY? I CAN HELP! The FREE webinar on my fully online course to help children with big emotions will give you the framework you need to see a change in your child's behaviors! Check it out at https://theimpactfulparent.com/anxiety-webinar

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for How To Prevent Eating Disorders In Children:

Kristina: Welcome Impactful Parents. Today we're going to talk about eating disorders, and I have a very special guest. Her name is Roseann Capanna-Hodge, and she's a mental health trailblazer. She's the founder of The Global Institute of Children's Mental Health, and she has helped 1000s of people! Roseann is often featured on Fox, on CBS, on NBC, on Forbes, on Parents, in the New York Times, etc.! It is my privilege to have Roseann here today to talk about eating disorders. Thank you, Roseann.

Roseann:  Thanks, Kristina, for that awesome introduction. I'm glad to talk about eating disorders because our kids' mental health and teens' mental health are struggling.  The more information we can give to parents, the more they can take action.

Kristina:  And that's exactly why I brought you on The Impactful Parent today.  Sadly, we need to talk about eating disorders. Still, it is common and so much more prevalent than I think anybody really wants to admit. We need to talk about it so that parents can catch these signs early. So, that's my first question for you.  What are the signs of an eating disorder?  What should parents be looking out for?

Roseann:  Great question. Some of the early signs of an eating disorder may overlap with other mental health conditions, especially in kids under 12.  This makes signs hard to see. Signs can show up as food restricting. Many kids are labeled as 'picky eaters,' right Kristina?  Many kids can have issues with the textural components of food. They can just not like a lot of things. There's just a lot of reasons children get labeled as picky.  But when your kid is a restricted eater, they are at higher risk of an eating disorder.  Also, having anxiety, depression, fears, or any family member with a history of an eating disorder, can put your child at a much higher risk of eating disorders.

Anytime we're talking about kids in terms of emotional health, we're going to look for behavioral signs. We're going to look for things out of the usual—things like sleep problems, irritability, and anything that's a change in their behavior. Most eating disorders develop in adolescence and pre-adolescence. When kids are going through puberty. These are sensitive times. And, many mental health issues are not apparent to a lot of people because many people who struggle with anxiety, depression, and eating disorders are pretty functional until they're not. So many times, parents are caught off guard.  They don't realize their child has been binging or purging or food restricting until it's gotten to the point that their child needs help.

Kristina: Tell me a little more about the difference between restrictive eating and eating disorders.   

Rosann:  Restrictive eating is anytime a child is not eating enough nutrients.  Restrictive eating can be based on many things. Sometimes it's emotional, and they're actually beginning to get the eating disorder signs. Some kids are restrictive eaters because of sensory issues. And there are groups of children that are more likely to be restricted eaters, such as kids on the autism spectrum. Or children with OCD tend to struggle with sensory issues. Some people restrict their food based on having obsessive worries about the food itself or even fears of throwing up. Surprisingly, the fear of throwing up can be common.

Some restrictive eaters don't meet the clinical criteria for an eating disorder because they may not binge or purge. For example, anorexia is truly an eating disorder.

There are many reasons why eating disorders develop. Having even one family member living in your house greatly raises the chances of others in the house developing an eating disorder. Eating disorders can also stem from anxiety, depression, trauma, or even just wanting to fit in. Many kids start to cut back on their food intake, and new habits start to develop into an eating disorders. There are other risk factors, too, as a controlling parent.

Kristina: Is emotional eating and eating disorder?

Roseann:  Well, you know, it's like stress and anxiety. So we have emotional eating, and then we have eating disorders. Does everybody who emotional eats has an eating disorder? No. Can you be an emotional eater with an eating disorder?  Yeah! Whenever we talk about clinical things, it has to rise to a certain level to be considered a problem.  Suppose you're emotional eating every day, and you're binge eating. In that case, you're probably moving toward (or already have) an eating disorder.

Kristina: Would you consider a child that will only eat white foods or goldfish to have an eating disorder? Where is the line between a picky eater and an eating disorder?

Roseann:  Great question.

Kristina: I do a lot of work in the gifted Ed population, and those kids often have super sensitivities. Clothing tags can be a problem, and their tastebuds can be sensitive too. Being sensitive to the texture of food can be a real problem for parents and kids. How do you respect the kid for having a true sensitivity and get them the nutrition they need?

Roseann:  Kids can also develop allergies to the foods they crave. It is not an impossible thing to break, but it is definitely an issue!  Parents need their kids to eat a VARIETY of foods so that the nutrition in their diet is whole.  Kids need different nutrients for their brains.

Kristina: What should parents do if they suspect their child is a restrictive eater or has an eating disorder?

Roseann:  If you think your child has an eating disorder, you need to go to a professional who's trained in eating disorders.  Eating disorders are what we call 'treatment-resistant.' This means that it is not an easy issue to deal with. The sooner you address it, the better your resolution.

If you suspect a problem, there probably is a problem. Don't wait. Get help. Nobody ever regrets getting help. They only regret when they don't. The first place I would go for help would be a naturopathic functional physician. You want somebody that can help look at your child's vitamin intake and see if your child has zinc deficiency. Zinc deficiencies are one of the most common reasons for restricted eaters. Fixing zinc problems can improve your child's taste buds. I would also look into getting an OCD, autism, or therapist.  

Kristina: All this information is wonderful. I appreciate you coming to the show today. How can my audience get ahold of you if they want to know more or get your help?

Rosann: First of all, I have a book coming out. It's called, It's gonna be okay. In my book, I teach people they should never feel like they're defined by genetics. I give parents proven ways to reverse their child's mental health issues. You can buy it on Amazon.  My website is:  https://drrosann.com

I'm really on a mission to change mental health!

Kristina:  Thank you for being on today, Roseann. You have so much to offer!  

And parents, get help early for your child or yourself.  But until next time, you got this.  We are just here to help. 

031: Working Mom Burnout

Working Mom Burnout With special guest Jill Salzman gives tips for how to avoid the overwhelm of running a home and a business!

Parents Need Other Parents!   It’s time to bring the girls together!  The Impactful Parent will bring the discussion and the structure to your meetings, you just bring the drinks and snacks!   Everything you need to start your own mommy group and grow as more impactful parents along the way!  Check it out and find out more at https://theimpactfulparent.com/connectionandconversation

Don’t forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don’t miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

082: Math and Coding Apps Your Child Will Love

Here are the links from today’s episode Coding and Math Apps Your Child Will Love:

• Prodigy= www.prodigygame.com/main-en/
• TT Rockstars = https://ttrockstars.com
• Arduino = www.arduino.cc/en/Main/ArduinoStarterKid/?setlang=en
• Fuze = www.fuze.co.uk/nintendo-switch.html
• Kids Review Edtech on all major podcast networks

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

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Transcript for Coding and Math Apps Your Child Will Love:

Kristina: Today, we're going to talk about apps that your kids will actually love, and specifically, I'm looking for some good apps that are math and coding related for your children. Welcome special guest, Catalina Throssell. Karolina is the podcast host of a Kids Review Edtech, where kids review apps and do the reviews. Thanks for being here, Karolina.

Karolina: No problem. Thanks for having me.

Kristina: Tell me a little bit about this podcast.

Karolina:  Kids Review Edtech was born as a result of the pandemic. I was flung into homeschooling, and I was trying to run a business. I was already searching and researching apps that would help enforce the homeschooling concepts I was trying to teach.  Then I thought, this could be a good podcast idea! Let's share our reviews with the world.  Most of the reviews are from my children, although I do get other parents and other kids to review apps. The result is honest reviews from kids that have tried the products.

Kristina: How old are your children?

Karolina:  They are five and nine.

Kristina: What apps do you recommend? Do you have anything specifically for math?

Karolina: Math has a lot of apps, but many of them just aren't very good.  The one that I recommend is called Prodigy, and it's actually free! Prodigy has the visual look of Animal Crossing. Kids do battles against the characters, and they must answer questions correctly to get points.  My two boys were obsessed with it.  They will play it constantly. The best part is, it didn't feel like learning for them, and the app is free.

Kristina: Awesome. What else do you recommend for us today?

Karolina: The other app I've got, which I would recommend, is called TT Rockstars, and that's to help kids with their timetables. This app is for kids ages 7 and up.  It is a little more difficult than the other app mentioned. My kids like that as they level up in the game, they achieve rock hero status. I mean, how better to get your kids to learn tables? It's a really great app!

Kristina: Anytime you can get your child learning through play, it will be enjoyable for them but really effective in their learning. I love the idea of learning through these apps. Sometimes you just have to speak your child's language. That's how kids are learning today. They like electronics! I know we were trying to limit kids from the screen, but sometimes it is better not to "fight the beast." I feel like these apps are going to be amazing. Do you have anything else that you recommend for learning coding?

Karolina: There are two apps that I recommend.  It's maybe stretching things to call the first recommendation just an app. It's more of a product, but I think it's great.  It is called the Arduino Starter Kit. This app is actually electronics and coding in a kit. Children create simple items like a light switch turning on and off, or they can upgrade it with other kits that they add to this kit and create more complex things like robots.

The other app I recommend it for the Nintendo Switch. This game is aimed at coding. It's called Fuse. It has various kinds of minigames. The look of the game is pixelated like an old-school Atari game.  Kids learn to create through code. It is quite complex, but the game breaks down coding into simple steps.

Kristina: These four apps that we've mentioned today are a great start for my audience. Where can they find you and your podcast?

Karolina:  We are on all the major searchable podcast hosts, so all you need to do is search Kids Review Edtech. Also, we're open to people that want to review apps and come on the show. We're really keen to get more parents and more kids on the show. So if anyone is interested in sharing their reviews, we are more than happy to hear from them!

Kristina: I think it's a great resource for everybody.

083: How To Tell Bad News To Your Child

It is Question and Answer LIVE and today's question was: How To Tell Your Child Bad News?

**This episode was broadcasted live on YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram.  Submissions for Q&A Thursday can be either emailed to The Impactful Parent directly or direct messaged through any of these social media platforms.  Submissions can be anonymous and are never mentioned in the Live Recording to respect the privacy of The Impactful Parent audience.  Email:  theimpactfulparent@gmail.com

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

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Transcript for How To Tell Your Child Bad News :

A step-by-step guide for breaking bad news to your child.

Step 1: Try and find a good environment.  

• If possible, find a time that your child is not distracted.
• Find a private place.
• You’ll need to prepare yourself for spending some time with your child so try not to tell your child bad news when you don’t have the time to sit and process the information with them.

Step 2:  Get your own feelings under control. You want to be your child’s anchor and support for the bad news.  If your own emotions are radical, then you won’t be much help to your child. This is not to say that you don’t show emotions.  It is good for your child to see your feelings, but you want to role model self-control even if you’re very sad yourself.

Step 3: Tell them the news directly.   Don’t walk your way around the words or try and sugarcoat the situation.  You want to break the news in the simplest and most direct form you can.  For example, I have some sad news to tell you.  Archie died this morning.

Step 4: Pause and let your child process the news.  Validate their feelings if they are sad, mad, confused, or whatever emotion they might be feeling. Tell them that their feelings are normal.  Give your child a hug and simply listen to what your child might want to say.  Empathize with your child as much as you can!  It’s ok to say things like, I feel sad too.  Being transparent with your own feelings is good; you just want to control those feelings.

Step 5: Prepare yourself for questions.  I suggest waiting until your child has questions before telling them the details.  I might tell them, “I am here to answer any questions you might have when you are ready.”  Then be prepared to share the details at an age-appropriate level.  Make your language as simple as possible because their emotions will likely be running high. The brain doesn’t process information as well in that state of being.  Lastly, be prepared to repeat yourself again later. Sometimes hearing the news once just isn’t enough when a child is trying to understand the situation. Their brains aren’t working at full capacity because of all the emotions.  Be patient with your child, and expect to repeat yourself now and later.

Step 6: Pause again and let your child process the information.   The bad news is often complicated.  I recommend you tell your child the details in segments.  This allows your child to absorb the information in chunks and gives them opportunities to process feelings and ask questions.   Although giving your child all the information at once might be your first instinct, try to reframe from this.  Your mind and emotions will likely want to just get the information out and over with. Still, I don’t recommend you dump a load of information on your child. Instead, break it out into chunks and take your time.

Step 7: Once all the information is out, your child might feel overwhelmed.  I suggest giving your child a small mindless task to do.  This helps your child move forward and constructively process their feelings.  You might ask your child to draw you a picture, make sandwiches, do a simple craft, or help you with laundry.  Whatever it is, make sure that the task is mindless, simple, no-pressure, and has your child using their hands or body.   While your child is doing their simple task, stay close by if they have more questions or just need company.

Step 8: Give your child a plan. Now that the bad news is out in the open and your child has had a little bit of time to process what is happening, it is now time to help your child understand what comes next.  Have a discussion about the next steps. For example, suppose there was a death in the family. In that case, you want to talk about how in the next few days there will be a lot of family around, how they will likely miss school because of the funeral, and discuss how your child can help others that are grieving.

You can also give your child a plan for helping them process their emotions.  Maybe you talk about writing in a journal or creating art that expresses their feelings.

Giving your child a plan for the immediate future can feel comforting in a time of chaos.

Step 9: Lead by example.  In my opinion, this is the most important step of all the steps because your child will watch how you handle stress, sadness, anger, frustration, and disappointment, and their instinct will be to emulate your behaviors.  Model healthy coping behaviors. Model self-care.

Step 10: Tell others your child might need support.  Remember that the first few days of bad news will be the most challenging; however, this is not the case for every child.  Some kids will refuse to process their emotions right away and wait until the next day or even the next week to start asking questions.   That’s ok.  Be patient.  However, either way, it is important to tell other adults around your child that your child may need extra support.  For example, I would tell teachers, babysitters, and others in the household.   Your child may process their feelings by acting out, getting aggressive, hiding, lying, eating more, eating less, … the list goes on. Still, any behavior out of the normal should be noted.  Teachers and babysitters will have much more grace and patience with your child if they know that your child is processing feelings.  Otherwise, your child might get in trouble at school, and teachers won’t have the empathy to help your child if they don’t know the situation.

030: Suicide Prevention

Suicide Prevention

This blog addresses warning signs and action steps.

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You’ll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

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Amazing video message FROM TEENS: https://youtu.be/Fou0IEjual0

and this video too!  Please watch! https://youtu.be/0Fb1ArQoyQc

Transcript:

This week I am going to address your worst nightmare.  Teen suicide.  I know you want to brush this topic under the rug and pretend that it isn’t going to happen to your child, but suicide is the third leading cause of death for our young people.  LGBTQ teens are the most at risk, but any person that feels bullied, had trauma, feels social isolation, or has depression is at risk.  

Consider, suicide prevention is a community effort!  Even if your child isn’t experiencing signs of suicide, they likely know someone who is.  Mark Lanning, from Safe 2 Tell, says that most school shootings and teenage tragedies can be prevented if the people around them reported the warning signs! 

Reporting the warning signs is your job.  As parents, we also need to empower our children with the confidence to report warning signs they see in their friends. Let’s get real.  Your child is more likely to witness the warning signs in their friends before their parents will.  Click here and watch this 30-second video.  A message to teens from teens.

Action steps:

1. Talk to your child about the importance of speaking up if they are concerned about a friend.
2. Give your child the phone numbers to specific hotlines where they can receive help. Organizations like: Safe 2 Tell and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. I suggest you even program these phone numbers on their phone!
3. Know the signs. 4 out of 5 suicide deaths are preceded by warning signs!

Warning signs:

• Suicidal threats or talk of not wanting to be alive anymore
• Preoccupation or obsession with death
• Depression
• Use of drugs or alcohol
• Withdrawing from activities they once were interested in
• Sleeping too much
• Sleeping too little
• Giving away possessions
• Aggression
• Fatigue
• Anxiety
• Bad or worsening grades
• Difficulty concentrating

What if MY Child has these signs?

Suicide typically does not come out of no-where.  If your child is thinking of suicide, they may be feeling helpless, trapped, unbearable pain, and/or believe that no one cares.  You need to ask your child directly, “Are you thinking of suicide?”  This is extremely important.  Don’t walk around the subject or be afraid to speak to your child.  Talking about suicide does NOT implant the idea in their mind!  Get to the root cause of their hopeless feelings.

What Can Parents Do?  Aside from anti-depressant drugs and mental health professionals, parents can do the following:

• Talk to your teen. Ask them point-blank if they are suicidal
• Make it more difficult for them to carry any action out. Buy a lockbox on Amazon to put knives, sharp objects, medicines, firearms, or any other dangerous materials inside.
• Make sure your child has emergency hotline numbers available to them. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1800-273-8255
• Talk to their friends. Encourage their friends to help your child and look for warning signs too. This should include a call to the friend’s parents also. (I don’t suggest talking to minors without the  parent’s permission.)
• Take them to a hospital emergency room if the threat is imminent. The emergency room professionals will do an evaluation of your child and access the risk.  After the assessment, they can refer you to clinics where your child can get admitted and receive 24/7 watch care and counseling. 
• Talk to the school. The school can give you feedback on the behaviors they are seeing.  School counselors can talk to your child about getting help.  Although the school’s support is limited, they are still a resource for you to have feedback on your child’s behaviors and more watchful eyes.

 

081: Lessons From Being Bullied.

Lessons From Being Bullied. An interview with Chris Burcher talks about the lasting effects of bullying and how to overcome it.

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for Lessons From Being Bullied:

Kristina: Welcome parents to The Impactful Parent's, Inspire and Learn series where real parents come on and tell their real stories of inspiration and learning because a wise man learns from his mistakes, but a wiser man learns from other people's mistakes. So today we're going to learn from our guest speaker, his name is Chris Bircher. Chris will tell us his personal story of being bullied and what he learned from the experience, plus he will give parents tips for supporting their own bullied children.

Chris: Thank you for having me. It's my pleasure.

Kristina: I want to hear your story. What's your experience with bullying?

Chris:  I was bullied a lot as a kid. I was a small kid. I was a scrawny kid. Do you remember the feed the world programs with Suzanne Somers? Apparently, I looked like those little Ethiopian kids, and my friends actually called me Ethio. That made me an easy target. And I was a sensitive kid and a shy kid. On the playground, I'm the kid the bullies would go after.  I had weird nicknames. I dressed funny.  I used to like California fashion, and I was in Georgia. That didn't go well. I was always a little different. I was naive. I was constantly ridiculed and called names. The bullying ended eventually when I went through a growth spurt and got taller as a teen, but the scars were already there. I felt like something was wrong with me. I thought something about me attracted this because I was a bad person or something. I carried that with me through adulthood, so it's important for me to share about it today and hopefully help others.

Kristina: Speak to me a little more about the long-term effects of the bullying you've experienced. What were the lessons from being bullied?

Chris:  Well, the big one is shame. It was shameful to be bullied.  When I was growing up, being a bully was even rewarded.  It was masculine to bully.  Now, we understand the damage that can be done by being mean to others.  Too late for me, though.  I carry my damage around with me.  For a long time, I felt like I wasn't good enough. I didn't deserve things that other people had, for some reason. I was less and an outcast.  Those thoughts from being bullied became part of me.  Now, I've learned how to leverage those feelings into uniqueness.  I am curious and creative. Being a shy person makes me a sensitive person and makes me very empathetic.  If you called somebody empathetic in 1975, it was probably an insult, but today it's an attractive quality.  My wife is attracted to me, in part because I'm an empathetic person. Today, I love myself because of the qualities that made me a target. I've been in therapy for 10 years to undo the damage.

Kristina: Did you ever try to stand up for yourself?

Chris:  No, that's a great question because I think about this all the time. If I had a son, I would tell him to stand up for himself because I wonder what if I had just fought back? I thought of fighting back when I was young, but I never did.  Instead, I decided I was going to be a pacifist. Gandhi was in the news, and so I knew what a pacifist was.  I found a model, but I always wondered, What if I would have fought back? How might that have changed my life? Another part of the baggage I carry is weak boundaries. I'm codependent. But I wonder if standing up for myself would have made me a different man today.

Kristina: It's interesting that you, as an adult self, can go back and look at that young self and see where some of these adult traits came from. You can identify that you have weak boundaries. You have had a lot of personal growth and insightfulness due to your experiences. I'm glad you're learning from them and grow from them.

Chris:  Yes, I would encourage every child to get help from an adult they trust as soon as possible.  Reach out to someone and tell them what is happening.  Although I have turned my experiences into good, I would encourage kids to get help ASAP and not wait until adulthood to deal with the problem.

Kristina: What would you say to the child who is getting bullied today and asking YOU for help?

Chris:  That's an excellent question, and I've thought about it a lot. Well, the first thing I would tell a child is that this is NOT about you. This is about the bully. This bully is someone who does this because they're hurt. They're hurting inside, and they're not able to connect with their emotions. They're not emotionally healthy. They're taking this out on you.  

Now let's talk about you. You're getting picked on because you have all of those characteristics, personality traits, and mental health that the bully doesn't have.  The bully sees something in you that they want, and they can't have it, or they don't understand it. The bully is jealous of you, and so they're taking this out on you. Now, what you have is the ability to navigate this. You will heal from this experience.  You will grow up to be a better person because of it.  You might not know it, but you have the skills to incorporate this into your life as something positive. It feels really bad right now, but you can turn this into something that will benefit you throughout the rest of your life. Also, consider that the bully probably comes from a bad home life. Think about what it's like for this person at home and develop empathy for them.  Think about what it must be like to come home to your parents fighting every day or to no food in the house or not have a ride to school or people who beat you or parents who don't love you. Now compare that life to how you feel. I know it feels bad, but your bully is likely going through something worse.

Kristina: I love the empathy that you're trying to instill into the child. You're absolutely right. A majority of bullies are actually in a lot of pain themselves. They try to gain control in an area because they don't feel like they have control elsewhere. Bullies typically feel chaotic and out of control somewhere in their life that is important to them. To compensate for these feelings, the bully will find a way to control a different aspect of their life.  Unfortunately, it comes out in being a bully.

Kristina: If somebody resonates with your story and wants to contact you, how would they get ahold of you?

Chris: I have a podcast where I talk about a lot of different issues.  Check that out, and you can find information on the podcast and how to reach me at www.chrisburcher.com

Kristina: Thank you so much for being here. You have a lot that you can contribute!  I hope everyone enjoyed this episode of Lessons From Being Bullied.