Impactful Parenting Podcast
193: Athlete Abuse: (Child and student athlete emotional, physical and sexual abuse)

193: Athlete Abuse: (Child and student athlete emotional, physical and sexual abuse)

December 1, 2022

Athlete Abuse: (Child and student-athlete emotional, physical, and sexual abuse)

Dr. Amy Saltzman talks to parents about keeping their kids safe on and off the athletic field. Unfortunately, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse have become too common with our young people on athletic teams. Dr. Saltman, an ex-gymnast herself, provides parents with www.spotaspider.com which teaches kids and adults how to spot the warning signs and how to keep children safe from abuse.

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

www.spotaspider.com for Amy's program!

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

  1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
  2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, & Pinterest
  3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
  4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
  5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

192: My Child Is Stealing. What Can I Do?

192: My Child Is Stealing. What Can I Do?

November 24, 2022

My Child Is Stealing. What Can I Do?

If you have a child that is stealing, it can be one of the most frustrating and difficult delinquent habits to break. This video gives 6 tips for what parents can do and explains the several reasons why kids steal. This video also comes with a FREE PDF parenting resource. https://theimpactfulparent.com/stealing or inside the FREE Impactful Parent App!

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

  1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
  2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, & Pinterest
  3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
  4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
  5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

 

Transcript of My Child Is Stealing. What Can I do?

Help! My Child Is Stealing

Where did my $20 bill go? How did you get that new video game? Where did that necklace come from? If your child is stealing, it isn't easy to get them to stop. There are a lot of layers to this problem, but I got some suggestions for you.

Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous. 

Today, I will talk about what parents can do when they find out their child is stealing. And stick around until the end because I will also provide the reasons your child may be stealing in the first place. Let's get started!

 

What Parents Should do:

NONE of the suggestions I am about to give are easy, but here are my 6 tips to live by.

#1: DO NOT ACCUSE YOUR CHILD OF STEALING UNLESS YOU CAN CATCH THEM RED-HANDED.

Let's say you suspect your child is stealing. Anything less than catching them in the act will only push your child into defense and fighting mode. Even circumstantial evidence is not enough to accuse your child of stealing. Your child will lie to you. Blaming your child for stealing will make them feel like a scared wild animal backed into a corner. All of these scenarios rarely end well. Even if you have a witness that your child is stealing, you still can't accuse your child. If your child denies the accusations, you are forced to choose between trusting your child or the third-party accuser. This dichotomy will surely put a bigger rift in your relationship. You have to catch your child in the act. Unfortunately, this leaves parents frustrated and feeling helpless. Yet, my advice does not change. You can’t accuse your child of stealing unless you catch them.

#2: IF YOU CAN GET A CONFESSION, YOU CAN'T PUNISH THEM WITH ANYTHING BUT NATURAL CONSEQUENCES.

Punishing a child too harshly for being honest will teach them that lying is better. This means no lectures either. Tell your child that stealing is wrong and work together with the child to correct the situation. The objective here is to support your child in righting their wrongs. Have your child return the stolen item. Have your child apologize verbally or with a written letter to the person they stole from. The goal here is to make sure that your child can not benefit from theft in any way. Also, praise their honesty! This is important. You are not giving your child mixed signals by honoring what they did right and punishing what they did wrong. Your goal as a parent is to create an environment where you hold your child accountable without holding their poor choice against them.

#3 ADDRESS THE BEHAVIOR, NOT THE PERSON.

Do not tell your child they are a bad kid. Stealing is wrong, but your child is not bad. They just made a poor choice. Do not call your child names like thief or liar. This is detrimental to your relationship, but I have also seen name-calling become a self-fulling prophecy for the child. Kids can be so emotionally hurt by their parent's name-calling that they take it upon themselves to become what their parents think they are.

#4 MAKE THE NATURAL CONSEQUENCES HARSHER WITH EACH OFFENSE.

This could come down to showing your child the reality of stealing. When they get caught, they may have to take classes on not-stealing, pay off their debt, get probation, and even get arrested.

#5 GIVE YOUR CHILD A CLEAN-SLATE

Once your child has righted their wrong, it is important to move on and not assume it will happen again. You might be on high alert and on the lookout, but don't assume your child will make the wrong choice again. Your child can feel your mistrust. They can feel your judgment. Again, this becomes another self-fulling prophecy that parents don't want to encourage.

#6 YOU NEED TO GET TO THE ROOT OF WHY

You can't support your child in making better choices in the future if you don't understand WHY they stole in the first place. Children 9 years old or older should know that stealing is wrong. So, if that is the case, you need to figure out why your child is stealing to address the problem. You see, stealing is the product of deeper-seated feelings manifesting themselves in taking possessions that don't belong to them. Stealing is a reaction. It is not the core problem. To help your child resolve the stealing and stop, you must help them determine the core issue.

Finding the core issue can take some detective work. If you can’t figure it out, you may need to call on a psychologist or counselor to help you. Here are some of the most common reasons why children steal and first steps parents can do to help.

 

Why Do Kids and Teens Steal?

  • Poor impulse control. Your child can't help himself. If this is your kid, you'll need to work with them to strengthen their ability to wait and think before they act.
  • They want to impress their friends. Your child might have a great need to fit in. They need a sense of belonging and acceptance. Along those same lines, they could be trying to buy friendships. If this is your child, you will need to work on raising their self-esteem and confidence.
  • The child wants revenge. Sometimes kids use stealing to get back at someone when they feel wronged. This is a form of bullying, so it will be essential to teach your child other coping skills for handling resentment and anger.
  • They can't purchase the item legally. Some kids steal drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and vapes. They can't buy those items because they are too young. If you find that your child is stealing substances like these, look into addiction and substance abuse counseling.
  • Jealousy. They want what someone else has. Jealousy is common in adolescents, but if you suspect your child is stealing because they are jealous of others, you'll need to teach your child how to appreciate what they have and respect others' possessions.
  • They don't have the money. Sometimes kids can't afford the item they want. They see the ticket price as being unattainable. This causes vast frustration and feelings of desperation. If this is your child, give them the ability to get what they want honestly. While they earn money, you will also have to reward patients and tenacity.
  • The child's basic needs are not being met. Sometimes kids steal food, clothing, and other items out of necessity. This is the child taking matters into their own hands because the adults in their life haven't provided for them. In this case, you should report the circumstances to the authorities so the child can get help. However, if you are a parent whose child feels like you don't give them their basic needs then this could become problematic. Sometimes “needs” can be subjective. Your teen certainly feels like they have a different point of view. In this case, you'll need to discuss these differences and give your child a way to legally get what they want.
  • Sometimes kids steal because they are afraid to ask for money. Maybe they want to purchase tampons, condoms, a bra, or a morning-after pill. Suppose the child is too embarrassed to ask for the money or too embarrassed to be seen at the cash register with the items they want. In this case, the child needs a trusted adult to ask for help who won't judge them or make them feel stupid. This could be you, but obviously your child doesn’t feel like you are this person yet. This could mean working on your relationship with the child to encourage more trust.
  • They steal because they are looking for an emotional high. Some kids are thrill-seekers and think stealing is fun. If this is your child, minimizing the temptation to steal is essential. Don't leave money out on the counter and watch them closely in stores. Giving these children other outlets to seek adrenaline more constructively is crucial.
  • The child is seeking attention. Some children who feel empty inside and don't feel connected to others will use stealing to fill a void. The child wants more attention from their peers or their family. The emotional lack of connection gets filled by risky behaviors and experimenting with getting caught. If this is your child, it will be important to provide one-on-one, quality time with your child to strengthen your bond. Please remember that this isn't about how YOU feel about the time you spend with your child. You may feel like you already give your child enough time and attention. How you feel isn’t the point. This is how connected the child feels with you. Those can be different things.
  • Rebellion, because they don't feel they have any control. If the child feels like their life is dictated for them and they don't have any say in their own life, then stealing can manifest as a way of gaining back some control. If this is your child, then try giving your child more choices. Do you want to clean your room now or after dinner tonight? Do you want to finish homework at the dinner table or in your rooms without a phone?
  • Not able to process feelings. Suppose your child is going through a big life transition like an unwanted move, a death in the family, or a parent's divorce. In these cases, the child might resort to stealing as a way of acting out because of the inability to process their big emotions. Teaching your child coping skills will be necessary.
  • Mental health problems. Underlying behavior disorders that aren't treated can cause stealing. Also, kids that are trying to cope with depression may steal as a way of distracting themselves, getting an adrenaline rush, a way to seek attention, or a way to feel excited when they feel numb inside. These mental health issues should be taken seriously, and taking your child to a mental health professional is the best step.

With these examples, you can start digging into the root cause of your child's delinquent behaviors. Start a conversation with your child when the mood is correct, and your child is open to talking.

Lastly, don't feel like you must deal with this alone. Stealing is one of the more complicated behaviors to correct. Suppose your child is struggling with mental health, depression, or a combination of the reasons children steal mentioned today, then it is likely time to get outside help. Also seek outside help if your child isn't showing any remorse for their actions or if you have a child that is a repeat stealing offender. You don’t need to correct their behaviors all on your own. A health care professional can assist you in figuring out why your child is stealing and help your child stop. You are an impactful parent by listening to this episode today. You're trying to understand your child and get them help. Don't take the burden all on your own shoulders.

If this information was valuable for you today, BECOME a more impactful parent by downloading The Impactful Parent App. The Impactful Parent app is FREE and full of episodes like this one that will help you in your parenting journey. Investing in your family looks like learning the warning signs of certain behaviors so you can stop bad things before they start, discovering new parenting techniques to make your parenting more effective, and joining a community of like-minded parents that also want to be the best parent they can for their child. All this, plus so much more, can be found inside The Impactful Parent app, so download it today. You got nothing to lose with this free parenting resource. Go to theimpactfulparent.com and discover how you can step up your parenting game and be a more impactful parent.

 But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help

191: Holiday Gifting Differently. Advice from a Financial Advisor

191: Holiday Gifting Differently. Advice from a Financial Advisor

November 17, 2022

Holiday Gifting Differently. Advice from a Financial Advisor

Tired of your kids getting a million toys for the holidays? Maybe you have a teen that is difficult to buy for? Try holiday gifting differently this year!

Sarah VanHoose, a financial advisor, talks about how to give the gift of EXPERIENCES to your children this year. Sarah gives great tips and even 2 FREEBIES to the audience to help parents change their minds about holiday gifting!

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

myjourneytoinfluence.com for more from Sarah

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

  1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
  2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, & Pinterest
  3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
  4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
  5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

 

190: 6 Types of In-Laws That Drive You CRAZY!

190: 6 Types of In-Laws That Drive You CRAZY!

November 10, 2022

6 Types of In-Laws That Drive You CRAZY!

Rodrigo Bravo, Dali Rivera, and Kristina Campos talk about the 6 types of In-laws that drive parents crazy! Listen and discover tips for interacting in these difficult situations. 

This episode was recorded on the Clubhouse app.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

  1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
  2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, & Pinterest
  3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
  4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
  5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

189: How to Resolve Conflict In Your Family

189: How to Resolve Conflict In Your Family

November 3, 2022

How to Resolve Conflict In Your Family with Hesh Abrams. Hesha is an internationally acclaimed master attorney mediator. In this episode, Hesha gives away her SECRET WEAPON TIPS for diffusing conflict in your family! This is a must-see episode for anyone butting heads with their Ex, Child, or Teenager.

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

www.holdingthecalm.com for Hesha's Book!

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

  1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
  2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, & Pinterest
  3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
  4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
  5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

188: My Child Came Out. Now What? (Support for the NEW LGBTQ Parent)

188: My Child Came Out. Now What? (Support for the NEW LGBTQ Parent)

October 27, 2022

My Child Came Out. Now What? (Support for the NEW LGBTQ Parent)

 

 I've been in your shoes. Watch and allow me to help you navigate through LGBTQ parenting. In this video, I give tips for

* What to say during the "coming out" conversation (if you think it's coming)

* What NOT to say during the "coming out" conversation

* What parents should do in the few weeks after their child comes out.

* What parents should NOT do in the weeks after their child comes out.

* Important information that every new parent of LGBTQ kids should know.

*AND SO MUCH MORE!

This episode comes with a FREE PDF to help you navigate your new parenting journey! Get your free PDF with the link in the comments or by downloading the Impactful Parent app! Both are FREE!

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

https://theimpactfulparent.com/new2lgbtq for your FREE PDF

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

  1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
  2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, & Pinterest
  3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
  4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
  5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

 

Transcript for My Child Came Out. Now What?

Your child came out. Now what?

Or maybe you're one of the lucky parents who know this is coming. Perhaps, you already sense that your child may be preparing to tell you that they are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, or non-binary?

Whether you anticipate your child may be coming out soon or maybe you just found out your child identifies with the LGBTQ community- this episode is for you!

Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous. 

Today's episode is called "My child came out. Now what? This episode is all about supporting the new LGBTQ Parent. I will talk about what NOT to say and what TO say when your child tells you they are LGBTQ +. Then, I will explain how parents can best support their children moving forward in their new journey together. And stick around to the end because I will also give you a FREE PDF GIFT to help you become an Impactful LGBTQ Parent. Let's get started!

"When You Find Out" Conversation

Maybe you'll get a text message. Perhaps you'll get an email. Hopefully, you'll be having an in-person conversation with your child. However the announcement comes, remember that your child is brave and vulnerable when delivering their news. Your child might even be scared. How you react is so IMPORTANT. Your reaction will mean a lot to your child. You can fill your child full of love and support, or you can leave your child scared, ostracized, questioning, anxious, and disappointed. Yes, it is that important of a conversation. In fact, your reaction will set a precedent for how they expect many others to react. These and so many different reasons why nailing this first conversation can be a huge win for you as a parent. That's why today I will give you some specific DO SAY and DON'T SAY suggestions.

Let's say you already had this conversation; maybe it didn't go well. Don't worry. Listen to the suggestions, and it is NEVER too late to go back and apologize to your child. Also, it will give you ideas for some good starting points for moving forward as a supportive parent. We all make mistakes, especially those of us that may have been taken by surprise.

The following suggestions are included in your free PDF gift. You can download that PDF at https://theimpactfulparent.com/new2lgbtq

WHAT TO SAY:

  • Thank you for telling me. I love you.
  • I am glad you are stepping into YOU and being more of your authentic self.
  • How can I show you that I support you?
  • (If you need it, say) I don't want to say anything wrong. Can you give me some time to collect my thoughts? I love you. I wasn't expecting this.
  • I am always going to love you. Nothing has changed.
  • (After your child has said what they wanted, you can ask them questions. BEWARE: DO not ask a question if you FEAR THEIR ANSWER. You can ask your child those questions later. You may not be emotionally ready to ask those questions yet.)
    • How long have you been keeping this secret?
    • How comfortable are you telling others? Who do you want to know, and who do you NOT want to know?
    • Are there pronouns you want me to use? Names?

WHAT NOT TO SAY:

  • Do not say that you have suspected this for a while now.
  • Do not tell them that this is only a phase.
  • Do not find blame. Don't blame people, something that happened, or a place.
  • Please do not laugh and brush it off as a joke.
  • Do not get angry.

Remember, you can still recover even if you messed up this conversation the first time. The key to mending your child's trust in you is to be strong enough to be vulnerable and apologize. You must tell your child you are sorry about your initial reaction and claim fault. Then be weak sufficient to express your feelings and admit that you may not understand your child's situation. Still, you'll be there for them and stay open to learning.

What Now?

Alright, your journey has begun. Yes, a “journey." This ride is full of ups and downs. Buckle up, Momma. Coming out is not a one-and-done conversation. Coming out is a process. Every kid is going to go at their own pace. Rarely do children make lots of changes at once. Most will gradually change things 1, 2, or 3 things at a time.

I understand that you may not yet be on board for all of this. Perhaps you see this as a phase your child is experiencing. Maybe you think that the whole thing is ridiculous. I will be honest with you and suggest that I need you to take the high road. Put your feelings aside for a moment and realize that what you say, how you act, and what you do in the next few days, weeks, months, and years will affect your relationship with your child moving forward. Do you want to show your child that you love them unconditionally? If your answer is yes, then keep watching.

I am not saying that your needs, concerns, and feelings are not important. They certainly are significant, but this video is about showing your child support. One way you will need to show your child support is by putting your feelings aside for a while so that you can open yourself up to being there for your child in a different way than you have been asked to show up before. Family support, especially parents' support, can be the difference between life and death for your child. Statistically, LGBTQ children have a high suicide rate; however, there are significantly fewer suicides from people with family support.

So, expect to work on yourself (your feelings, your needs, your emotions) simultaneously while keeping an open mind for learning how to best support your child. These can be two dichotomies for a while until the two sets of feelings and actions collide with inner work, counseling, and reflection.

So, suppose you are ready to support your child (even if you have a lot of opposition internally). In that case, the following are action items activities to do:

  • Educate yourself. Don't expect your child to educate you. Learn about the LGBTQ community, so you don't start filling in the blanks with things you have made up in your head.
  • Don't fake what you don't know.
  • Educate yourself about the differences between sexuality and gender. (PDF)
  • Educate yourself with the LGBTQ terminology of today. (PDF)
  • Ask your child what support looks like to them. Don't assume that what you do will come off as supportive. Your child will likely have real, concrete expectations about what support looks like to them, and you need to ask them to tell you. Is it using their new pronouns? Is it not telling everyone about them yet? Is it going to pride parades with them?
  • Do less talking and more listening now.
  • Please do your best to respect their new pronouns and the new name they want to use.
  • Take care with your comments about their new look and new friends. Remember that your child is very vulnerable when they are changing things initially.
  • Take care of yourself. Emotions are running high, and you likely need a counselor or support group to give you space to process everything happening. You can't be an impactful parent if you are stuffing down all your emotions all the time and not taking care of yourself. This is extremely important.
  • If you have homophobia or transphobia, please seek help to process these emotions as soon as possible. There will be a rift in your relationship with your child until you can resolve these feelings. Don't lose special time with your child. Please seek help from a mental health professional.

What other things do I need to know?

I understand that this may not be easy. You have a lot of things going through your head and heart right now. Emotions are probably running high. I can't stress the importance of getting some outside help for yourself. You need a support group or a counselor to talk things out and process those feelings.

Until you find your LGBTQ tribe of help, here are a few more things to remember.

  • Please don't feel bad that it may have taken a while for your child to tell you. Everyone does this at their own pace, and just because they may have been keeping this secret from you for a bit, don't take that personally.
  • Remember that this is not about you. This is about your child and them trying to be their authentic self. They are not doing this to make your life difficult.
  • Don't search for blame. When things happen that we don't understand or may not like, our first instinct is to blame someone or something for this happening. Remember that this isn't anyone's fault. This didn't happen because of their friends or something you did. No one is to blame for this.
  • Don't feel guilty if you have no idea. You shouldn't have known. It is not your fault that you didn't see this coming or didn't read the signs.
  • Don't take comfort that this is only a phase. This is not a phase. You have to assume that this is your child moving forward. Do not operate as though you expect their identity to change or go back to how things were before.
  • Many parents are fixers. You may even see this new information as your child's identity crisis. This type of thinking is incorrect. You can't fix this. This is not a fixable thing. You don't have control over your child's identity or sexuality. This is not a problem to be fixed.
  • I know you are probably worried about the future. What does this all mean now? Many parents are afraid that they will never have grandchildren. I know you're concerned about a lot but take things one step at a time. Your focus on the future can be addressed with your counselor or support group. For now, concentrate on today. How can you be an impactful parent to your child today? Today, your child needs your help and support. How can you do that for them right now?

Lastly, I would like to extend my help to you also. I am an LGBTQ parent, also. I've been through what you're going through and am still in it. I would be happy to support you in your LGBTQ parent journey through one on one coaching. I'm here to be a listening ear, a place to bounce off questions you might have, and a place to get advice. You can reach me via my website at theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me to make a complimentary discovery session. We can discuss your situation and see if I am a good fit for your support.

Until we talk, you got this parents. I am just here to help.

187: From DUI to DIY Improvement

187: From DUI to DIY Improvement

October 20, 2022

From DUI to DIY Improvement

Juliana Lindner tells her candid story of hitting bottom BUT fighting her way to self-improvement to be a better parent and feel good about herself. Juliana's story is relatable and inspiring. Throughout the episode, she gives tips to others who also want to elevate their life and become more impactful parents.

**FREEBIE PDF comes with this Episode and can be downloaded from the Impactful Parent app! Download your FREE Impactful Parent app today from your app store!

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

julianalindner.net for more from Juliana

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

  1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
  2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, & Pinterest
  3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
  4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
  5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

186: The 5 Conflict Languages

186: The 5 Conflict Languages

October 11, 2022

The 5 Conflict Languages

Many people have heard of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but have you heard of the 5 Conflict Languages by Thomas Kilmann? Learn the 5 Conflict resolution techniques. Understand how our children resolve disputes and help them learn how to negotiate, compromise, and collaborate for a winning outcome!

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

  1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
  2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, & Pinterest
  3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
  4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
  5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

 

Transcript of The 5 Conflict Languages

My two teenagers are screaming at each other. One is crying, and the other is pointing fingers. Every day there is nagging, lectures, and I have to break up fights…. It's all exhausting and in the end, guess who gets the blame? ME! Yep, my kids plead for justice from me. "Mom, help me get my sister off my back," "Mom, make my brother stop yelling at me," "Mom, can you help me?" 

Sibling rivalry and family conflict are unavoidable but understanding how your kids instinctively respond to a conflict will help you approach conflict resolution better! Many people have heard of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but have you heard of the 5 Conflict Languages by Thomas Kilmann?

Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous. 

Today I will teach you the 5 Conflict Languages. Thomas Kilmann published that there are 5 ways that people try to resolve conflict. I will explain what each conflict language is, the pros and cons of each conflict language, and stick around to the end because I will also be giving you Impactful Parent tips along the way! Let's get started!

Conflict Language #1- Accommodating

This conflict style is popular with kids who are "people pleasers" and kids who simply don't care too much about the issue. Maybe they don't care about the problem because the child has a laid-back personality, or perhaps the outcome of the conflict doesn't bother them either way. The accommodating conflict language means that the child will put others' needs before theirs. The child doesn't mind letting the opposing party get their way. Sometimes children will also be accommodators when they don't want to deal with the issue because it's not worth their time or they avoid being wrong. Children with perfectionistic personalities often accommodate when they feel the stakes are too high to be corrected. They find it better to accommodate so they can say, "Oh- that's what I thought, but I didn't want to tell you." It's a way of staying "safely correct."

The good thing about accommodating conflict language is that it can easily avoid disputes. This leaves more time for other things, and your child won't be considered argumentative because disagreements will be over quickly.

The bad thing about accommodating conflict language is the child can come off as a push-over. The children with stronger opinions can take advantage of the accommodating child's easy-going-ness. Also, over time, accommodating children can become resentful because they seldom get their way.

Impactful Parent Tip: The accommodating child should be encouraged to respectfully speak their mind and express their opinions. Encourage their voice. Help children navigate conflict when they play with others. Keep track of how often the child is accommodating to others. Be aware when your child is starting to feel resentful for continuingly giving in to a sibling or friend?

Conflict Language #2- Compromising

Teaching your child to compromise is a necessary skill. Most parents teach compromising in the early toddler years at playdates with toys; however, the compromising conflict style can also frustrate a child when they rely on it too often. The compromising conflict language is also called the "Lose-Lose" conflict language. Everyone in the conflict must give up something they want to find a middle ground. Many children use this conflict resolution style with their peers because that is what they were taught first. School teachers also encourage compromising solutions in the classroom. It is the most ingrained of the 5 styles, so therefore the most practiced, but that is not to say it is the easiest to implement.

The good side of compromising conflict language is that most children are familiar with it. Asking school-aged children to compromise will likely get some eye rolls. Still, the children expect intervening adults to resort to this conflict resolution style. Also, the compromising tactic encourages the child to hear the other's perspective, wants, and needs. It forces children to listen to each other. If done correctly, your child should feel heard even though they still have to give up something they want.

The downside of compromising conflict language is that it can cause resentment if used too often. No one leaves the conflict feeling completely happy. Children often complain that they gave up more than the opposing party did. Children also get tired of compromising.

Impactful Parent Tip: Teach compromise in the early years; however, don't use it too often. Try to mix up the conflict resolution styles when using them so that compromise isn't always the default. Compromise is best used when the child doesn't care too strongly about the issue, and the conflict needs to be resolved quickly. Also, be mindful that your child is giving up equal amounts as the opposing party so that resentment doesn't fester.

Conflict Language #3- Avoiding

Children afraid of conflict or the results of a conflict will often resort to avoiding the conflict altogether. These children are peacemakers, or they are acting upon their fears. Either way, the avoiding conflict style is usually only prolonging the inevitable.

The good side of avoiding conflict language is that it can be effective IF a cool-down period would be helpful in the situation. For example, if children need a little time to calm down their emotions or time to process their thoughts, or perhaps they need some time to step back and see the big picture.

The downside of avoiding conflict language comes when the conflict is avoided indefinitely or for too long. Avoiding conflict can result in making things worse. Lastly, avoiders of conflict are often unassertive. These children have a fear that if they engage, then the future will be worse.

Impactful Parent Tip: Children should be encouraged NOT to avoid conflict forever. Remember that many children who avoid conflict are scared for some reason. Maybe they are afraid of a potential outcome, getting yelled at, feeling unloved or unlikeable, or any other large assortment of reasons. Parents should be mindful of these fears and help children face their fears of conflict by helping them with their conflict resolution. Parents who encourage their child's voice and provide their children with a safe space to express themselves, their opinions, and their emotions will often also help them feel safe enough to stand up for themselves.

Conflict Language #4- Collaborating

The collaborating conflict language is arguably the best conflict resolution technique because it yields the most win-win results for everyone involved. Best used when the solution/outcome is essential to everyone or when it is crucial to keep everyone's relationship in good standing. With the collaborating conflict language, each person must express their wants, needs, and concerns. Usually, this means that the children must sit down together and talk through the conflict by negotiating a solution that everyone feels good about. I'd like to point out that, unlike the compromising conflict language where everyone gives up a piece of what they want to find common ground and leaves everyone feeling like they had to "give up" something they wanted to find a solution, collaborating conflict language has children come to a common ground through brainstorming solutions that make everyone involved feel good about the outcome.

The good side of the collaborating conflict language is that it is considered a "win-win" solution. Everyone leaves happy, relationships often leave stronger, and kids learn to work together toward an agreed outcome. The majority of the time, this conflicting language yields the best results.

The downside of the collaborating conflict language is that it is time-consuming. Most children will need a mediator (aka an adult) to help them problem solve, brainstorm, talk respectfully to each other, and negotiate without animosity. Sometimes, kids also have difficulty with the collaborating processes because it takes a long time. So, if you need to find a resolution in a hurry, this is not your best option.

Impactful Parent Tip: When given the time, practice this conflict resolution technique as often as possible and in the early childhood years. Not only is this the best-case scenario conflict resolution style, but the skills your child will learn through the collaborating conflict language will be valuable for years to come. Skills like patients, listening to the other side's point of view, working with someone who has opposing views, the ability to articulate your own point of view with conviction and evidence, and more. Teaching this to children will take time and lots of practice. Many parents don’t have the patients to sit and help children talk things out to a resolution because it is so time-consuming, however, try your best to be patient with the long process that will need to be practiced often because the results yield dividends for years to come.

Conflict Language #5- Competing

The competing conflict language is the opposite of collaboration. This language technique rejects compromise, doesn't listen to others' points of view, stands firm in one person's opinion, and does not give in to others' wants, needs, or desires. When a child is using competing language, they will not give in or back down. They are quite literally competing for the 100% win.

The good side of the competing language technique is that a solution is often found more quickly. Since there is no space for disagreement or conversation, someone usually wins the argument quickly.

The downside of the competing language technique is that relationships will be hurt and lost over such rigid thinking and behaviors. Your child will lose friends, hurt people's feelings, and children that use this technique are often considered bullies. Other kids won't tolerate this kind of behavior long because everyone else's needs are usually ignored. Resentment builds up fast.

Impactful Parent Tip: Be mindful of older children using this technique with younger children. This happens because the older child can get away with it.

Also, keep in mind that children who are not practiced in compromising or collaborating conflict languages will use the competing technique instead. This should be a red flag that your might be unfamiliar or not practiced with listening to others. Younger children default to this technique because of precisely that. Listening to others' points of view and brainstorming solutions are more complex skills than standing firm and holding your ground. If you see your child always defaulting to the competing conflict language, consider that they may not know any other way of conflict resolution or at least aren't practiced enough in the different conflict resolution styles to feel confident enough to practice them on their own. This is a great opportunity for you to step-in, spend some time with your child, listen to his points of view, and teach him how to collaborate and compromise! Now is the perfect time to turn a conflict into a lesson in self-awareness and resolution.

If this information was valuable for you today, BECOME a more impactful parent by downloading The Impactful Parent App. The Impactful Parent app is FREE and full of episodes like this one that will help you in your parenting journey. Investing in your family looks like learning the warning signs of certain behaviors so you can stop bad things before they start, discovering new parenting techniques to make your parenting more effective, and joining a community of like-minded parents that also want to be the best parent they can for their child. All this, plus so much more, can be found inside The Impactful Parent app, so download it today. You got nothing to lose with this free parenting resource. Go to theimpactfulparent.com and discover how you can step up your parenting game and be a more impactful parent.

 But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.

185: How To Raise Strong Girls

185: How To Raise Strong Girls

October 6, 2022

How To Raise Strong Girls

Tips for raising strong girls that don't need to conform or fit into social stereotypes. 

This episode of The Impactful Parent was recorded on Clubhouse.  Clubhouse is a social media audio app. My co-hosts for this episode are:

Dali Rivera: Bully Prevention and Awareness Coach

Rodrigo Bravo: Co-parenting coach and consultant

If you would like to reach out to either of these amazing co-hosts, please email me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com and I will put you in touch with them. 

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

  1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
  2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, & Pinterest
  3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
  4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
  5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

184: Tips for Kids With Big Emotions

184: Tips for Kids With Big Emotions

September 29, 2022

Tips for Kids With Big Emotions

Does your child have big emotions? Rachel Bailey and Kristina Campos talk about What Big Emotions Look Like In Our Kids, How Big Emotions Affect The Whole Family and Give Tips For How To Handle Those Big Situations.

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

www.rachel-bailey.com for more from Rachel and her program

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

  1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
  2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, & Pinterest
  3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
  4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
  5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

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