Parenting Stories, Struggles and Strategies for Moms and Dads of School-aged Children, Teenagers, and Impactful Parents

089: How To Cook In A Dorm Room: Quick and Easy Meals For Everyone

Here are the links from today’s episode How To Cook Food In A Dorm: Quick And Easy Recipes For Everyone: sarahHLongAuthor.com

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

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Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

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Transcript for How To Cook Food In A Dorm: Quick And Easy Recipes For Everyone:

Kristina: Welcome Impactful Parents! Today we're going to talk about quick-cooking, easy recipes, and teaching your kids how to cook.  I have a special guest, Sarah Long. Sarah is the author of College Cooking 101: Fast Food Without A Kitchen.

Sarah: Thank you so much.

Kristina: Can you give us some breakfast ideas for a quick dorm food recipe?

Sarah: One of my favorite ones is really very simple. It is to cook an egg in a mug or cook omelets in a mug.  Your cooked eggs will already be in a circular shape, so it's portable, and you can throw your egg on an English muffin or a bagel. It is easy to cut up some ham, some green pepper, tomato, onions, whatever- and make your omelet with a tablespoon of water and a mug. Microwave your mug omelet for about 30 seconds, and then stir it up and put it in again for another 30 seconds. When your eggs are cooked, just throw them on a bagel! You will be good to go.

Kristina: As a single mom of four kids, I can totally use that tip tomorrow to get the kids out the door much faster.

Sarah: Another idea is blended smoothies. Many teenagers are using protein powder and making smoothies. I'm not real big on protein powder, but I like to use almond milk, fruit, peanut butter, or almond nut butter. That's a great meal as well!

Kristina:  Can you give us some ideas for easy snack and lunch ideas?

Sarah: One thing I really love that is easy are different varieties of pizza.  Just get some pita bread or flatbread.  Add pizza sauce and mozzarella cheese. Add whatever pizza toppings you like, pepperonis, mushrooms, jalapenos, etc.  Then you can microwave your pizza or put it in a toaster oven.  Everybody loves pizza. Flatbread with shrimp, mozzarella cheese, and some mango salsa is another great idea. Get creative with your toppings.

Kristina: What else do you have for us?

Sarah:  Bean Burritos. Take some black beans, sprinkle a little cumin and chili powder, put it all together on a tortilla with some cheese. Microwave your burrito for about 20 seconds, or you can roll it up and put it in the toaster oven on 400 for about 10 minutes. Serve your burrito with salsa and some avocado. It's a very healthy high protein snack.

Kristina: What about dessert? We can't forget about dessert, because that is my favorite meal.

Sarah: An easy trick is to use your Keurig machine for hot water. A lot of people don't think about that. I use my Keurig to make jello! A cup of hot water from the Keurig was added to box instructions, plus I add some fruit to my jello and Vuala! Easy, healthy, jello!  

Another idea is cake in a mug. A quick recipe is to take one and a half tablespoons of the angel food cake mix, one and a half tablespoons of the regular cake mix with two tablespoons of water, and put it in the microwave for a minute. You've got your mug cake!  Add some icing to top it all off!

Kristina:  Learning these quick recipes can save your child in college when the dorm food cafeteria hours are closed, and they need a snack or a meal. It's better to arm your kids with skills than have them rely on fast food and midnight snack runs in the dark.

Sarah: Absolutely. My kids didn't want to wake up an hour early to go to the cafeteria, stand in line, and walk in the opposite direction. So, cooking breakfast in the room makes a lot of sense.

Kristina:  What would you recommend for parents to supply children in the dorms to have what they need to cook in their little room?

Sarah: A fridge and a microwave are a good place to start. Sometimes the universities rent them for the door rooms. Your first step will be to look on the housing website and see what they supply and what they allow.  I also would recommend a Keurig machine for hot water and coffee.

Kristina:  Why did you write this cookbook?

Sarah: When my daughter went away to school, she didn't like the dorm food and kept calling me asking for help.  I realize that all the cookbooks I came across required a stove, so I started to compile my own recipes that my daughter could do in her dorm room.  

Kristina: How many recipes are in your book?

Sarah: There are over 80 recipes.

Kristina: Wow. How can we get a hold of this book if we want it for our own kids?

Sarah:  It is sold on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and all the major book retailers.

Kristina:  The name of the book is: College Cooking 101 Fast Food Without A Kitchen.  I recommend it for parents too. I think it is a great alternative to eating fast food when busy families get into a time crunch, and they're just isn't time to cook.  Check it out!

Thanks again, Sarah.

And until next time, parents- You got this.  I am just here to help.

----------------------------------------

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

----How To Cook Food In A Dorm: Quick And Easy Recipes For Everyone----

090: When Your Child Doesn’t Care!

It is Question and Answer LIVE and today's question was: When Your Child "Doesn't Care!"

**This episode was broadcasted live on YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram.  Submissions for Q&A Thursday can be either emailed to The Impactful Parent directly or direct messaged through any of these social media platforms.  Submissions can be anonymous and are never mentioned in the Live Recording to respect the privacy of The Impactful Parent audience.  Email:  theimpactfulparent@gmail.com

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You'll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for When Your Child "Doesn't Care!" :

There are 6 reasons why your child might be saying, “I don’t care.”  Today, I will give you those 6 reasons and what you can do to counteract the ‘I don’t care’ to be a more impactful parent! Let’s get started!

“I don’t care” reason 1: The first reason your child might be saying that they don’t care is simply to push your buttons and start an argument. You got them mad, and now they want to get you mad too.  This typically comes from kids with an argumentative personality. The reasoning is as simple as they just don’t want you to win.  What to do: Respond calmly.  Validate their feelings.  Hold your ground. I would say something like, “It is ok that you don’t care.  I am not giving you this punishment because I want you to be miserable.  I am giving you this punishment/task because you need to take responsibility for your actions.” Or “I’m not asking you to clean your room because I want you to be miserable.  I am asking you to clean your room because I need you to be responsible and pull your own weight. You are a growing adult, and I know you want me to treat you like an adult, but it’s difficult for me when you say you don’t care and your room looks like a toddler was playing in here.”

“I don’t care” reason 2: Your child might tell you, “I don’t care,” because they want you to believe that they don’t care so that you’ll retract the consequence you gave them. This is a clever tactic for not getting punished or for lessening their punishment.  What to do: Call their bluff. I would say something like, “Oh good.  I thought this would be an argument, but if you don’t care, you’ll take this consequence with no problems.  Should I add more to the punishment to learn from this mistake because you don’t care? OR will this punishment be enough for you not to make those same choices again even though you don’t care?”

“I don’t care” reason 3: Your child might say that they don’t care because they feel powerless and defeated.  Feeling powerless is frustrating for children.  They are being told what to do and how to act all day, every day. When their life gets overwhelming, they can default to the ‘I don’t care’ mentality.

Another reason they may feel powerless is that they do not understand the connection between their behavior and punishment.  They might feel like they didn’t do anything wrong, and they are only getting in trouble because you are in a bad mood.  What to do: Find ways to give them some power back within their consequence. Still, stand your ground and hold the consequence accountable, but maybe you can give them some flexibility and choices too.  For example, if the punishment is to clean the dishes, allow them to complete the task on their own time as long as the dishes are clean before bedtime or before they can get on their Xbox.  It is also important to analyze the situation and look inward. Is your child right? Are they in trouble more because you’re irritable and have a short fuse today? Looking at the situation from your child’s perspective and apologizing for overreacting can be a powerful bonding tool and ultimately great role modeling for your child.  Lastly, some kids feel powerless when they are getting punishments too often.  They feel like they can’t do anything right. The family has gotten into a pattern of just implementing consequences and criticism too much.  To combat this, it will be important that you make a conscious effort to look for good things that your child does and start being an advocate for praise.  Praise, praise, and praise some more until you can get out of the negative Nancy rut.

“I don’t care” reason 4: Many kids say they don’t care because the parents have not given any opportunity for the child to correct their behavior; therefore, they accept defeat and helplessness. This happens a lot when parents don’t explain what they DO WANT TO SEE and just assume that the child knows how to behave better.  From the child’s point of view, they feel helpless because they don’t know how to act any other way.  You don’t know what you don’t know.  What to do: When you give punishment or a consequence, outline the behavior you want to see. Tell them and even show them through a demonstration what you need.  For example: If you ask your child to clean their room and they throw all their clothes inside the dressers to get them off the floor, but you find the wrinkled clothes and implement a punishment for not cleaning their room properly, then the child may feel defeated because in their eyes they cleaned their room and they are still getting punished.  Instead, you have to show your child the wrinkled clothes and teach them how to fold their laundry, and finally allow them to correct their behavior and retract the consequence you implemented.  Knowing your expectations is not what kids do well.  We have to explain it to them in painfully, boring detail. We have to teach them what we want them to do even if we think it should be a no-brainer response.

“I don’t care” reason 5: When the “I don’t care” becomes a teenager’s way to justify their behavior and get you off their back.  What to do: Don’t believe it.  Challenge it.  I would say something like, “I think you are saying that because you don’t want to do homework.  Let’s find out why you don’t want to do homework.  Is it difficult? Is it boring? Does it take away from your videogame time?  You may not care, but I do.” In essence, every time they say they don’t care, make the situation into a longer conversation exploring the “why” they don’t care.  This is likely to annoy your teen and discourage them from making such a lame excuse for their actions. You’ll have to be consistent for this technique to work. Still, it can be really effective because they will stop making the ‘I don’t care’ excuse. Together, you will be discovering the real feeling behind the attitude because of your discussions.  Either way, it is a win-win.

“I don’t care” reason 6: The last reason why your child might be telling you that they don’t care is that they are depressed.  What to do: Depression should be taken seriously, and this “I don’t care” you don’t want to ignore.  Is your child losing interest in other activities they used to care about? Is your child isolating themselves in their room?  Is your child starting to sleep too much or sleep too little?  Are your child’s grades slipping?  There are many signs of depression, and not caring is one of them.  If you feel like your child is depressed, be sure to find a mental health professional quickly or start talking to your family doctor about your concerns.

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

035: Effective Communication Techniques

Effective Communication Techniques Podcast gives you 12 Tips for communicating better!  These 12 tips are easily implemented and come on this FREE PDF:  https://theimpactfulparent.com/communicationtips 

To make an authentic connection with your child, try one of my FREE 30 Day challenges.   Sign up today and you’ll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days.  These questions provoke a new conversation with your child and get you away from the boring questions like, “How was your day, and do you have any homework?”  Start connecting with your child one question at a time!  Completely FREE, so NO excuses! Sign up NOW and watch your connection grow with your child in 30 days! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Don’t forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don’t miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

087: My Son Was Molested By The Babysitter

Here are the links from today’s episode My Son Was Molested By The Babysitter:

Alysia's website: www.alysialyons.com

www.https://theimpactfulparent.com

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for My Son Was Molested By The Babysitter:

Kristina: Welcome to the Impactful Parent's, Inspire and Learn series, where real parents come on and tell their real stories of inspiration and learning because a wise man learns from his mistakes. Still, a wiser man learns from other people's mistakes. So let's learn today from our guest speaker, Alysia Lyons, and Alysia will talk to us today about her experience with her child getting molested by a babysitter.

It's an important topic to talk about, and even just saying it out loud takes my breath away. I want to hear your story. So let's start with that. What happened, and how did this all come about?

Alysia:  My son was about four. I had hired a babysitter. I've been a single mom for most of his life, so I've relied on babysitters. My normal babysitter wasn't available that day, but she recommended another girl.  She was only 13, but her parents would be home while she babysat.  I only took my son to her once, and it seemed to go fine, so I was planning to start using her more regularly.

The next time I needed a babysitter, I told my son we were going to this girl's house.  He immediately started making excuses, and my son told me that he didn't want to go there. I asked why. He said that she didn't have enough toys and that she was mean to him.  I started to question my son more, and he immediately broke into tears.  He then proceeded to tell me what she did to him.  I won't mention the exact words here, but it is pretty graphic.

Of course, I didn't take him back there, and I was in shock. I filed a Child Protective Service Report because, in my mind, a 13-year-old doesn't do 'those things' to a four-year-old if she hasn't been abused herself. I also filed a police report, but unfortunately, the authorities didn't find any evidence of wrongdoing.  With no proof, nothing becomes of the investigation, and everything just came to a halt.   Nothing ever happened to the case.

It was all very frustrating.  I wanted to get help for that little girl, but the family denied everything.

Kristina:  It's shocking! You don't expect that from any child, especially a young girl. I know I'm stereotyping, but it's true.  Most people wouldn't expect such behavior from a young female girl.

How did this make you feel?  What were some of your primary emotions?

Alysia:  I mean, shock is kind of the first thing that you feel. And then I think I went into anger when they denied that anything happened because the language that my son used to describe what happened to him isn't something that a four-year-old makes up. It's not something that a four-year-old really has any awareness of at all! I also felt a little bit of pity for the 13-year-old because, as you said, the stereotype is that 100% of little girls don't do that to little boys! I had no idea that I needed to vet for this when looking for a babysitter.

Kristina: I can't even imagine! Nothing like this has happened to me, which is why I feel it's so important to have you on the show and tell your story.

How is your son doing now?

Alysia:  He's perfect. I'm a little biased. He doesn't remember a lot of it. I try not to go into detail about what happens to protect his privacy.  He remembers only little things like her name, how her apartment looked, and from time to time, he thinks he sees her apartment when we drive by new neighborhoods.

Like you, nothing like that had ever happened to anyone in my family. It wasn't even something that was on my radar to be aware of and look out for. My roommate at the time was molested in her childhood, though.  Her mom did nothing to help or stop it.   She told her mom, but it kept happening. I don't think anyone believed her.

I was determined to be different.  I believed my son, and he was never going to see that family again.

Kristina: I want to commend you for not only acting swiftly and believing your child but mostly for having empathy for this 13-year-old girl. To understand that the young girl had a LEARNED behavior.  That isn't something she came up with on her own, most likely.  You were afraid for her and wanted to help her. A lot of people wouldn't have had empathy for the molester.

Looking back, is there anything that you would have done differently?

Alysia: I would. In my worldview, hurt people hurt people. That's not typical 13-year-old behavior, and again stereotypically, especially for a girl.

And as far as anything that I would do differently… I never talked to any of the family ever again. I was instructed to not contact them. There's a huge part of me that wishes I had ignored that. I wanted to confront them and ask what was going on.  I also wanted to ask what happened.  I wish I could have talked to the young babysitter.

Kristina: Let's talk a little bit about mom's guilt. When something like this happens to your child, I can imagine that you feel guilty about choosing that babysitter.  We all want to protect our kids from any kind of pain, and it's unrealistic to protect them 100%. Did you have mom guilt?

Alysia:  I did. And because of how I was raised and how I experience things, I didn't realize I had guilt right away. I had this checklist of things to do that all pertained to taking care of him. I didn't think about myself in any way, shape, or form.

Kristina:  Of course. You made your child's needs your first priority.

Alysia:  I had guilt festering for three years before I even realized it was there! My defense mechanism is to leave a person before they can hurt me or deny pain before impacting my heart. That's just how I've been for years. I had to realize I had guilt before I could work on myself, and finally, I did.  After I was able to let it go of the guilt, I realized it was impacting my relationship with my son. I realize now that I was projecting into the future. I was afraid that this little boy that I love more than anything on earth would come back to me one day and be mad that I didn't protect him.

Because I felt like this subconsciously, physically, I was there, but emotionally there was a growing wedge between us. Mom guilt is such a passion because it's something that we don't even realize how it's affecting us until it's gone.

Kristina:  Tell me more about how you dealt with the mom's guilt?

Alysia:  We went to a doctor's appointment about something unrelated, but I brought up the babysitter incident to the doctor, just in case it was connected. The doctor insisted that I go through Child Protective Services all over again, making me irrationally angry.

When I realized it was excessive anger, I also realized that something was off with me. I was working with a life coach and started to explore what might be going on. Eventually, the problem was obvious, and we went through guilt and shame exercises. It was like having somebody take 500 pounds off my shoulders.

Then releasing the guilt took time.  I would be ok for a while, and then the guilt would come back.  Then I would be ok, and it would return. It's been a process to let go.

Kristina: I appreciate you being candid about how difficult it is to go through this process.

Are you worried that it's going to happen again?

Alysia:  I'm not.  I'm a lot more selective with who watches him, and now that he's in school, I just work while he's in school. I'm not so worried about it, but my 'spidey sense' tingles from time to time. For example, when his dad wanted him to go to summer camp, I didn't like the idea at all.  I fought my son's dad about it because it made me feel uncomfortable.  Now I realize that those feelings came up because I didn't know the camping staff.  I didn't know who he was going to be around and who would take care of him.  Even the Boy Scouts of America are being sued for child molestation.

Kristina: Yes, child molestation is everywhere.  Just another reason why your story is so important.

Alysia:  I was significantly more trusting before this happened. If I knew then, what I know now, it wouldn't have happened. It is also really easy to go down rabbit holes of what-ifs. How could I have prevented this? What could I have done? It is easy to beat yourself up.

Kristina: If people resonate with your story today, how can they get ahold of you?

Alysia:  I'm a mom support coach now.  I have a website that's my name alysialyons.com, and I write a blog where I talk about mom guilt, communication issues, and all the things that moms struggle with. You can also email me at coachalysialyons@gmail.com

Kristina: Audience if you have an inspirational story and want to share, go to the impactful parent website, which is theimpactulparent.com

But until next time, you got this. I'm just here to help.

My Son Was Molested By The Babysitter

---------------My Son Was Molested By The Babysitter------------------

088: How To STOP Your Child’s Minecraft Addiction

It is Question and Answer LIVE and today's question was: How To STOP Your Child's Minecraft Addiction.

**This episode was broadcasted live on YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram.  Submissions for Q&A Thursday can be either emailed to The Impactful Parent directly or direct messaged through any of these social media platforms.  Submissions can be anonymous and are never mentioned in the Live Recording to respect the privacy of The Impactful Parent audience.  Email:  theimpactfulparent@gmail.com

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You'll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for How To STOP Your Child's Minecraft Addiction:

Today I am going to give you 5 tips to help, parents!

First, I think it is important to understand WHY your child loves Minecraft. Every behavior your child does has a motive. What are they getting out of Minecraft or videogames in general?  By starting with this explanation, I believe you will have a much better knowledge base to make your parenting decisions surrounding video games in your household. You'll have a better idea of what time limits should be and how you can complement video games with other activities.

Parents must understand that Minecraft is addictive because it allows players to set their own goals and encourages them to work at those goals until completion.  Some goals are short-term, and others are long-term.  This combination of personal goal setting can make it difficult for kids to find a place to stop.  It is also a really important part of the game to sustain attention on one task for an extended time.  Suppose kids want to build something large and complicated. In that case, they will have to stay on a particular task through numerous different steps and processes.  This can take a child's hours.  This game is also quite addictive because, to build something big and cool, they'll have to watch videos on how to do it.  Supplemental videos are more than entertainment for the child. They are also learning how to build new things. They are getting ideas for new creations. They are learning how to execute an architectural plan.

As you can see, Minecraft isn't all bad if you look at it from the perspective of kids are learning how to stay on task through multi-step processes and learning how to build from the ground level up.  Having said this, there are other things about Minecraft, and video games in general, that make too much play unhealthy.  Children get addicted to videogames because it suppresses negative emotions and releases dopamine (the chemical in your brain that makes you feel happy). Suppose kids are feeling sad, scared, upset, or anxious. In that case, video games limit these feelings and replace them with happy feelings.  Kids will complete a task, find a rare mining gem, or win a war, and suddenly those bad feelings are replaced with feelings of accomplishment.  Although this sounds like a good thing, it can quickly be negative when your child no longer can read books because video games are so much more stimulating.  It is also a problem when children develop Alexithymia, an inability to control or identify their emotions. Children haven't dealt with their sadness, fears, or anxiety. Instead, they have only masked their problems away with the video game dopamine.

Lastly, many kids turn to video games for the community. Some children don't have friends in real life.  They get bullied at school or don't connect with their peers.  Minecraft, and many other videogames, give children online communities they can relate with.  Minecraft allows players to collaborate and build things together as a team.  Friendships are formed, and kids soon get a feeling of belonging in their videogame community.

All of these reasons mentioned so far, PLUS the fact that Minecraft has no real beginning and end to the game structure- makes it extremely difficult for kids to stop.  The result is sometimes endless games and hours of screen time.

So now that you know WHY your child might be addicted to Minecraft, you can now formulate a plan to help your child keep videogame boundaries!

Tip #1:  Start the conversation.  Ask your child why they think they love Minecraft so much. Ask them about some of the things listed above.  Make them aware of why they might be addicted to the game. Talk about the importance of a balanced lifestyle.

Tip #2: Encourage your child to get off the Minecraft screen by making non-video game activities enticing.  This may cost you some money, but many kids don't go outside and play by themselves.  They need you to enroll them into a basketball league or tennis lessons.  You have to take the initiative and take your kids to the park, the museum, or a baseball game.  Until non-video game activities become a habit, you'll have to help your child get engaged.

Tip #3: Talk about the game.  Ask your child about their Minecraft goals and what they are building.  Help him set "breaks" when it seems appropriate.  Kids don't automatically know how to put the game down and pace themselves.  They need YOU to help them learn these skills.  Talk about how to take a break after finishing building a wall or other game structures or teach them how to find a safe place to hide from the monsters so they can log off for 15 minutes.   Teaching your child how to take breaks and pace their project building is a great skill for them to learn.  Help your child find places to stop and rest.  Help them identify when they have been working too much so they can take a break.  These skills will help them as an adult too when they have big projects at work.

Tip #4: Before they even start the game, talk about how long they can play.  Give your child a 5, 10, or 15-minute warning when time is almost up.  I am also a big fan of visual countdown timers.  I think kids respond better to transitions and ending activities when they can visually see the time left on the clock. These visual timers are easily found on Amazon for purchase.

Tip #5: After you have had the conversation with your child about why they love Minecraft, start the conversation about new rules and new boundaries. Talk about the time limits you want to set and the consequences of not abiding by the rules.  Also, talk about rewards your child can have for maintaining good screen-time boundaries and following the rules.  I feel it is important to reward and set consequences for a child in combination. Don't just make consequences and punishments.  Kids respond better when parents use both punishments and incentives.

Don't forget to talk about the consequences of meltdowns too. Just like any other addictive substance, your child will feel bad when they have to turn off the screen.  Expect a rough transition in the beginning. And finally, be prepared to take away Minecraft privileges if they don't listen. You'll have to hold your ground and prepare for the tantrum, but you want your child to know that you are serious about the new boundaries. Just remember to reinstate the reward system when eventually they get their Minecraft privileges back.

033: Labeling Children

Labeling Children Podcast gives you 5 tips for keeping the connection with your child and rid yourself of labeling.  Labeling and judgments kill a connection with your child and you may be doing it subconsciously!  Try the FREE PDF below to discover your own judgments and how you might be labeling children.

FREE PDF MENTIONED IN PODCAST: https://theimpactfulparent.com/labelsandjudgements

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You’ll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Don’t forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don’t miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Transcript:

Is your relationship with your teenager slipping away?  Do you argue all the time?  Well, this short video is for you!  Watch as I explain how you may be casting labels on your teen that you don’t even realize! Yes, you!  We all do it!  I am Kristina, founder of the Impactful parent, a teacher for over 15 years, and mom of 4 kids. Labels and judgments are a teen’s worst nightmare when they are insecure and trying to figure out their place in the world.  The more we judge and label, the more our teen pulls away and distances themselves from our relationship with them.   Watch and see how…

 “Good Job,” I tell my toddler as she attempts to put away her dinner plate by herself.

“No, honey.  We do not scream inside the house. That’s bad,” I tell my 5 year old as he runs around the living room.

As parents, we are consistently labeling our children’s actions as either good or bad from the time they are born.  In the young years, this labeling serves the purpose of teaching our children right from wrong, and it also expresses our behavioral expectations for them.  However, as our children get older- we must move away from this kind of labeling. 

Do you label your child’s actions, interests, or even choices as good or bad?  You may be thinking, “Of course not Kristina,” but I am going to challenge that thought because I think you do!  We all do it! We vomit our judgment and opinions all over our kids all the time!  Has your teenager ever walked out of their room with a less-than-desirable outfit or your son blast music from their headphones that you simply don’t like?  Who are we to judge and make labels on other people? Perhaps you label your child’s decisions as either the right choice or bad choice because you feel you know better?  For me, I pass judgment on my children because I am trying to save them from making mistakes.  I say things like, “I can’t believe you chose not to wear a jacket today! It’s freezing outside. That was a bad choice.”  See! I passed judgment that the decision they made was bad when I was just frustrated with them that they were needlessly going through pain or struggle (in this case, they were cold.) However, my caring is being perceived by my child as judgmental.  I accused them of being wrong and having to change!  Adolescents are already the most insecure creators on the planet.   When someone who is supposed to love them unconditionally criticizes them, it is a big blow to their mental health.  If parents make these judgments and labels often, then the teenagers begin to pull away and the rift between parent and child begins.

What is the antidote? It starts with us, the parents.  As with most things, you must first be aware before you can change it, so this week I challenge you to start becoming aware. 

1. Catch yourself labeling events, actions, and choices as good or bad. When you mark your child’s choices, you are also inadvertently telling them that THEY are wrong, and you are the authority.  News flash: Teenagers hate this! Teens will rebel against authority if the message doesn’t fit their logic.  The more you tighten your grip and try to assert your authority, the more your child will rebel.  What worked for you when your child was a toddler, will not always work for you now that they are older, trying to claim their own opinions and identity.
2. Teenagers need boundaries, but they also need choices. Set your non-negotiable boundaries and then discuss with your teenager what you can be flexible with.   You need to give them choices within your boundaries so that they can feel in control too.
3. Allow them to make mistakes. Let your child ride out the consequences of the choice they make.  It is the best way for them to learn, and you shouldn’t protect them from their choices unless it is going to cause them bodily harm.  
4. Listen more and talk less. Don’t express every thought that comes to your mind.  This is where a lot of the labeling and judgments reside.  Practice WATCHING your thoughts instead of speaking them aloud.
5. Be mindful of your thoughts. Are you trying to manipulate your child into making the “right” choice OR are you protecting them from making a “wrong” choice?  Why? What are the consequences of that “wrong” choice?  Can you make their “wrong” choice a learning experience if you let them be themselves?

To help you self-reflect, I have created a FREE resource document to download.  Discover your habits and parenting practices that you didn’t even know were there!  With awareness, we can limit our judgmental actions and move toward a better relationship with our children!

Also, go to https://youtu.be/6gn3u8PoFaA and watch last week’s video about Expectations Hurt Your Relationship With Your Child. 

086: The BEST FIRST phone for your child.

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#firstphone #parenting #safephone

085: Bonding With Kids Through Gardening

Here are the links from today’s episode Bonding With Kids Through Gardening:  ableveg.com

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for Bonding With Kids Through Gardening :

Kristina: Welcome impactful parent. Today we're going to talk about the positive impacts of gardening on your kids and Bonding With Kids Through Gardening. Today I have a special guest, Laura Koval. Laura is a master gardener and owner of AbleVeg, a company that helps people create and maintain their backyard gardens. Not only that but, Laura is a mom of two boys, ages four and five.

Laura: Thank you for having me, Kristina. This is really fun.

Kristina: I'm excited to learn about gardening because I've always wanted to have a green thumb. Still, I'll tell you right now, I am horrible at it! I can't keep anything alive. Having said that, I really believe in growing your own food and the connection that plants can make for your kids. It is so beneficial. So tell me, what does AbleVeg do?

Laura:  My business is to help people, just like you, who either want to get a garden started and don't really know where to start or help people who have tried starting a garden and still feel like they're not getting enough bang for their buck. So our goal is to get people set up with products, and then we also do private consultations. We get to know our clients, and we get to know their gardens. So as problems come up and questions come up, you're never gardening alone.

Kristina: That's awesome. Why do you think gardening is such a great activity for families?

Laura:  We adopted our two kids about a year and a half ago from the foster care system. I've been a lifelong gardener, so for me, I grew up playing in the dirt with my parents and learning all about plants and how to grow them. When our kids came to us, they had been primarily on a fast-food diet for their early years. We all know with kids- getting them to eat healthfully is challenging enough, especially when they're going through picky eating phases. Still, it really hit home for me that these kids had never eaten vegetables! They didn't naturally like them! I think it's important to give various food options to bridge nutritional gaps and stay healthy.  I think when we went through COVID, we all realized that our food system is not perfect. There is great value in having a backyard garden and living a healthier lifestyle.

Kristina: I'm horrible at keeping anything except for my children alive. Are you sure that gardening, especially for people like me, will be a good idea?

Laura:  I'm really glad you've been successful in keeping your kids alive!  I think what tends to happen is, people who have not grown up in a garden get excited to put things in the ground, and before you know it, their plants start dying. It is very frustrating! Then they feel bad and blame the death of their plants on their skill set.  Soon, these people give up on gardening and don't try again.  There is a solution, though! There are ways to tailor your space and tailor your garden (and we'll talk about that during the presentation a little bit) to set yourself up for success.

Kristina: You have a presentation for us! That sounds perfect. Let's go ahead and get to that.

Laura:  Gardening is great for the whole family. One of the biggest benefits of gardening is low impact exercise. It also helps combat loneliness. There's lots of documentation on the mood-boosting benefits for adults who spend time in gardens. It's considered to be something that can reduce your stress and helps cardiovascular health. People who are actively gardening see benefits in their entire body. It decreases the risk of dementia. There's a really cool book called The Blue Zones, but the guy who wrote this book actually found these areas on the planet where people live to be 100 years and older. Gardening is one of the things that he recommends because of all of these added health benefits.

There are also benefits for your whole family! Gardening is an all-ages activity! Gardening gets people away from screens. Especially if you've been stuck at home with your kids this last year, TV and technology have become a babysitter. Gardening is a great opportunity to stop screen time and get your kids outside.

Gardening also drastically increases the number of vegetables that your family eats. This has been hugely helpful for our little ones because they're way more excited to eat it on the table when they see it grow on the vine. Gardening also gets kids outdoors and in the dirt. When our grandparents were alive, they were dirty all the time. Gardening creates routines for kids.  We have all seen our kid's routines get disrupted and how impactful that is. Gardening is another great way to keep your child on a schedule. It also gives kids a sense of responsibility! My little ones love watering the garden.  Usually, when they're watering the garden, it means they're filling up buckets and flooding out plants, but they want to help! Kids want to be helpful in the process. They get really excited to be gardening, planting seeds, and it gives them some autonomy in the family. Kids feel like they're being helpful. It also enhances children's fine motor development.

Gardening is also a real-life lesson in science and math! We talk a lot now about the importance of STEM learning with children, and this is real life, daily lessons in chemistry and math.

And the last big family benefit is that gardening engages all five senses for kids! Kids with sensory issues get lots of benefits because it engages them enough that it gives them focus. Kids are not just sitting at a screen or staring at the TV.

Kristina: There is definitely something special about touching nature. Gardening and getting outside is almost an immediate mood booster for anyone in your family.

Laura: Now I want to get into some of the HOW-TOs of gardening, especially if you have never done this before.

These are called grow bags. (Photo in the video)  They are made of felt-like material, but you can also use flowerpots. Using these items is called Container Gardening.  Container gardening is a great way to get started with your family because it's easy and fits anywhere. You just find whatever little spot of fun you have in your yard, you put your container there, and you can watch things grow. You can grow so much stuff in these containers! They are super easy for families because you just fill it up, and you can get started gardening! Many people make the mistake of digging up their backyard soil and grass. Still, Container Gardening is a really user-friendly way to get a garden started.

Next, find an online resource like the Farmers Almanac. It'll let you put it in your city, and it gives you exact dates of what will grow and when to put it in the ground. It's an easy guide, so you're not just putting guesswork into when you're going to plant things like peppers or tomatoes. It will let you know—definitely a great tool for beginners.

Kristina: Oh, I love that.

Laura:  And then these are seeds that you can direct sow, meaning you just get your package of seeds, and they're really easy to put in the ground. I encourage parents to get direct sow seeds because you see the whole process from start to finish. If you put those in the ground, radishes will actually leaf out within a few days, and you can harvest some of them in 30 days or less. It's a quick turnaround time. Which can be really engaging for kids. You just take your little seed packet and go home. Your kids can help plant them. The nice thing here is when you buy seeds, they're going to get packaged directions of exactly how to put them in and how far apart to grow them. It's really fun for little ones.

Kristina: I noticed that you have beans on that list. Do you recommend a particular type of bean?

Laura: There are two general categories of beans. One is called a bush bean. It's an eight-inch tall plant, and the beans grow off of that plant. The other variety is called pole beans. Pole beans will climb, which is kind of fun, especially for younger kids. My favorite one to grow is probably a Dragon Tongue bean. They are purple and yellow in color.

Now let's talk about purchasing transplants. Transplants are already grown that you transplant into your garden. These are nice because you can get a head start on fruit or vegetable production since you're not starting from a seed.

And then, the next step is just making a little plan for your space. Your kids can use graph paper and help you make measurements.  Kids can also help you calculate how much space each plant needs and how far apart you need to sow each plant.

Kristina: I also want to mention to parents that gardening is a fantastic opportunity to connect grandparents with teenagers. 

And being an impactful parent as you are, how has this affected your own children?

Laura: Well, I'm proud to say my children now eat cherry tomatoes unprompted. But they love those they love the piece that we've grown, they're even really trying hard to like the lettuce right now.  He's doing his best. The poor little guy is just not quite there yet.  I've seen my kids get excited about plans, vegetables, and their diets have changed.  They are much healthier now.  I'm going to be the first person to admit that I'm not the crafty mom. I'm not the mom who's good at fantasy play. But I am the mom who can take my kids outside and show them the wonders of nature in the world. I have been able to spend quality time with children and connect with them through gardening.

Kristina: If my audience wants to know more and get your help with gardening, how can they contact you?

Laura:  We are at Ableveg.com and offer free 10 minute consultations. Even if you only have a simple, quick question like, "Why do I keep killing my squash," we're happy to do that for you for free. We just want you to get started and start a legacy with your kids with gardening.

Kristina: Thank you for being on today, Laura. I really appreciate what you're doing.

Bonding With Kids Through Gardening

032: Teaching Responsibility

How do we teach children responsibility at different ages and different stages of development? 6 tips to help you grow a responsible adult!

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You’ll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Don’t forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don’t miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Transcript:

First, what does it mean to teach responsibility?  What would be the end goal for you?   For me, teaching responsibility is teaching my child (#1) how to be dependable.  Can my child be counted on? Do they keep their commitments? Do they keep their word?  (#2) Being responsible also means to me that my child is accountable for their behavior.   Can they take ownership of their choices and with that- even own the consequences of their actions and lastly, (#3) Being responsible also means that my child is an active contributor to their world.   For me, being responsible is an active role, not a passive attitude.   Responsibility requires action and is not something that just happens to people.  Responsibility is something that people choose to be or do actively.  

So how do we teach responsibility then? We cannot do this overnight.  It takes time- even years.   Part of teaching your child HOW to be responsible is also letting them TAKE responsibility for their choices.   Not wanting your child to fail and sheltering them from consequences and pain or even doing too much for your child- does not teach your child to take responsibility for themselves.  On the other hand, there are times when children need guidance and support so that they can learn how to be responsible.  

So how do we keep this balance and grow children who are responsible?  Here are 3 TO-DO and 3 DO NOT-do items:

Teaching Responsibility Tip #1:  Communicate your unconditional love to your child.   This sounds like a no-brainer, but many people are all talk and no action.   They tell their children that they will love them unconditionally meanwhile criticize them for choices and try to mold them into the kid the parent always wanted-  instead of respecting the kid they are.   This sends mixed messages to your child.   So be conscious of HOW you express this unconditional love to your child with your ACTIONS and not just use lip service.  If your child knows and trusts your unconditional love, they will be more likely to take healthy risks.  In addition to this, build up your child's confidence and show them that you believe in them!  Make them feel capable, trustworthy, and believe that they can solve problems they encounter.

Teaching Responsibility Tip #2:  Set limits and boundaries on what YOU will do for your child.  This is true for all ages and all levels of development.   If your child has the cognitive ability to do their laundry- then let them.   If they can only sort out the colors from the whites- then let them.  At some point, you have to say- I am not doing this for you anymore.  You are old enough now to do for yourself.   Setting limits and boundaries teaches your child how to behave, teaches values, and shows them not only new expectations but you are inadvertently telling your child that you trust them.  You are allowing them to grow up and instead of stifling their growth by doing everything for them.  Along these same lines of creating boundaries, parents should not meet every need for their child at the moment they need it.  This is just setting up your child for disappointment when the real world does not cater to them.   By not meeting their needs immediately and not giving them everything they want, you provide an opportunity for your children to tolerate some frustration, delay gratification, become less impulsive and less self-centered.

Teaching Responsibility Tip #3:  Let them face the consequences.  Set standards of behavior that you expect your children to meet. You establish consequences for breaking the rules, and you follow through on those consequences. I follow through with consequences with my kids in a matter-of-fact kind of manner.   We talk about the choices they made. We discuss how things could have been better.   We plan for next time this happens, and then they face the current consequences for their actions.  Period.  No more discussion.  No more obsessing about the past and what-ifs.  Just take the consequence and move forward.  Let your child whine to their friends if they want but make them sit with their consequences.  Bring love and learning to the frontlines, and soon you will be fostering their development of taking responsibility.

Teaching Responsibility DO NOT Tip #1: Don't give them too much.   This will not teach your child to appreciate anything, and with no sense of appreciation- your child is likely not going to be responsible with their given privileges.

Teaching Responsibility DO NOT Tip #2: Don't too much for them. Do not be a  hover parent, the helicopter parent, or the lawnmower parent.  A hover or helicopter parent is always right over the child, ready to rescue them whenever they anticipate trouble.  A lawnmower parent mows down all the obstacles their child can face.  This kind of parenting is a disservice to your child.   Doing things for your child that they can do themselves results in them not learning how to care for themselves. 

Teaching Responsibility DO NOT tip #3: Don't do things yourself just because it is easier.    I know this is difficult.  Remember when your child was a toddler, and they just wanted to tie their shoes, but you had to get out the door in 5 minutes, so you just tied the shoes yourself or bought Velcro straps?  Yeah- me too.  I did it.   And the consequence is that my seven-year-old still does not tie her shoes well.   I did a disservice to my child by buying Velcro because I did not want to be inconvenienced.   Now that your child is older, the stakes are higher. They need to learn responsibility, and you cannot shy away from it because it may take you an extra hour to teach it. 

084: How To Prevent Eating Disorders In Children

How To Prevent Eating Disorders In Children

Here are the links from today’s episode:

Dr. Cabanna-Hodge at https://drrosann.com

Do you have a child that struggles with ANXIETY? I CAN HELP! The FREE webinar on my fully online course to help children with big emotions will give you the framework you need to see a change in your child's behaviors! Check it out at https://theimpactfulparent.com/anxiety-webinar

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for How To Prevent Eating Disorders In Children:

Kristina: Welcome Impactful Parents. Today we're going to talk about eating disorders, and I have a very special guest. Her name is Roseann Capanna-Hodge, and she's a mental health trailblazer. She's the founder of The Global Institute of Children's Mental Health, and she has helped 1000s of people! Roseann is often featured on Fox, on CBS, on NBC, on Forbes, on Parents, in the New York Times, etc.! It is my privilege to have Roseann here today to talk about eating disorders. Thank you, Roseann.

Roseann:  Thanks, Kristina, for that awesome introduction. I'm glad to talk about eating disorders because our kids' mental health and teens' mental health are struggling.  The more information we can give to parents, the more they can take action.

Kristina:  And that's exactly why I brought you on The Impactful Parent today.  Sadly, we need to talk about eating disorders. Still, it is common and so much more prevalent than I think anybody really wants to admit. We need to talk about it so that parents can catch these signs early. So, that's my first question for you.  What are the signs of an eating disorder?  What should parents be looking out for?

Roseann:  Great question. Some of the early signs of an eating disorder may overlap with other mental health conditions, especially in kids under 12.  This makes signs hard to see. Signs can show up as food restricting. Many kids are labeled as 'picky eaters,' right Kristina?  Many kids can have issues with the textural components of food. They can just not like a lot of things. There's just a lot of reasons children get labeled as picky.  But when your kid is a restricted eater, they are at higher risk of an eating disorder.  Also, having anxiety, depression, fears, or any family member with a history of an eating disorder, can put your child at a much higher risk of eating disorders.

Anytime we're talking about kids in terms of emotional health, we're going to look for behavioral signs. We're going to look for things out of the usual—things like sleep problems, irritability, and anything that's a change in their behavior. Most eating disorders develop in adolescence and pre-adolescence. When kids are going through puberty. These are sensitive times. And, many mental health issues are not apparent to a lot of people because many people who struggle with anxiety, depression, and eating disorders are pretty functional until they're not. So many times, parents are caught off guard.  They don't realize their child has been binging or purging or food restricting until it's gotten to the point that their child needs help.

Kristina: Tell me a little more about the difference between restrictive eating and eating disorders.   

Rosann:  Restrictive eating is anytime a child is not eating enough nutrients.  Restrictive eating can be based on many things. Sometimes it's emotional, and they're actually beginning to get the eating disorder signs. Some kids are restrictive eaters because of sensory issues. And there are groups of children that are more likely to be restricted eaters, such as kids on the autism spectrum. Or children with OCD tend to struggle with sensory issues. Some people restrict their food based on having obsessive worries about the food itself or even fears of throwing up. Surprisingly, the fear of throwing up can be common.

Some restrictive eaters don't meet the clinical criteria for an eating disorder because they may not binge or purge. For example, anorexia is truly an eating disorder.

There are many reasons why eating disorders develop. Having even one family member living in your house greatly raises the chances of others in the house developing an eating disorder. Eating disorders can also stem from anxiety, depression, trauma, or even just wanting to fit in. Many kids start to cut back on their food intake, and new habits start to develop into an eating disorders. There are other risk factors, too, as a controlling parent.

Kristina: Is emotional eating and eating disorder?

Roseann:  Well, you know, it's like stress and anxiety. So we have emotional eating, and then we have eating disorders. Does everybody who emotional eats has an eating disorder? No. Can you be an emotional eater with an eating disorder?  Yeah! Whenever we talk about clinical things, it has to rise to a certain level to be considered a problem.  Suppose you're emotional eating every day, and you're binge eating. In that case, you're probably moving toward (or already have) an eating disorder.

Kristina: Would you consider a child that will only eat white foods or goldfish to have an eating disorder? Where is the line between a picky eater and an eating disorder?

Roseann:  Great question.

Kristina: I do a lot of work in the gifted Ed population, and those kids often have super sensitivities. Clothing tags can be a problem, and their tastebuds can be sensitive too. Being sensitive to the texture of food can be a real problem for parents and kids. How do you respect the kid for having a true sensitivity and get them the nutrition they need?

Roseann:  Kids can also develop allergies to the foods they crave. It is not an impossible thing to break, but it is definitely an issue!  Parents need their kids to eat a VARIETY of foods so that the nutrition in their diet is whole.  Kids need different nutrients for their brains.

Kristina: What should parents do if they suspect their child is a restrictive eater or has an eating disorder?

Roseann:  If you think your child has an eating disorder, you need to go to a professional who's trained in eating disorders.  Eating disorders are what we call 'treatment-resistant.' This means that it is not an easy issue to deal with. The sooner you address it, the better your resolution.

If you suspect a problem, there probably is a problem. Don't wait. Get help. Nobody ever regrets getting help. They only regret when they don't. The first place I would go for help would be a naturopathic functional physician. You want somebody that can help look at your child's vitamin intake and see if your child has zinc deficiency. Zinc deficiencies are one of the most common reasons for restricted eaters. Fixing zinc problems can improve your child's taste buds. I would also look into getting an OCD, autism, or therapist.  

Kristina: All this information is wonderful. I appreciate you coming to the show today. How can my audience get ahold of you if they want to know more or get your help?

Rosann: First of all, I have a book coming out. It's called, It's gonna be okay. In my book, I teach people they should never feel like they're defined by genetics. I give parents proven ways to reverse their child's mental health issues. You can buy it on Amazon.  My website is:  https://drrosann.com

I'm really on a mission to change mental health!

Kristina:  Thank you for being on today, Roseann. You have so much to offer!  

And parents, get help early for your child or yourself.  But until next time, you got this.  We are just here to help.