Parenting Stories, Struggles and Strategies for Moms and Dads of School-aged Children, Teenagers, and Impactful Parents

097: Is Your Child College Ready?

Here are the links from today’s episode Is Your Child College Ready?: https://theimpactfulparent.com/50things

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for Is Your Child College Ready? :

Kristina: Welcome impactful parent! Today we're going to talk about how to prepare your child for college responsibilities. I have a special guest, Dr. Kristen Austin, to talk to today. Dr. Austin is the co-author of a new book called College Ready 2021. This great book is all about getting your kids prepared to leave the nest and be successful in college! Thank you for being here, Dr. Austin.

My first question is, what is my role as a parent is trying to get my child to transition? Where do we begin in preparing our kids for college? Many parents do a lot for their children. They don't realize that they are actually doing a disservice to their child by doing too much.  On the other hand, our kids don't know to ask for certain skills because, well, frankly, you don't know what you don't know. Then they get to college, and the child realizes they lack skill or knowledge of some kind. That leads to the child calling home and asking mom and dad for help.  But the goal is for our kids to be successful young adults without the parents holding their hand.  Where do we begin in this journey?

Dr. Austin:  Such a great question, and it's really a position that every parent finds themselves in.

The first thing you do is, expect that nothing is going to go perfectly. It is sort of like preparing for a camping trip. Even if you've been doing this over and over and over again, you still always forget something. I often encourage families to remember that no matter what, It's okay to forget something or for there to be a gap in a skill set. It won't be a perfect process. The College Ready 2021 book, chapter eight, lines these areas out very clearly. First, talk with your child about some personal safety issues. Finding out if students can have protective devices on their campus like mace.  It is very important to find out what's allowed at that campus. Then go over some basic cooking, hygiene, use kitchen appliances, and what kind of things will be allowed in the residence hall. As a heads up, usually, Keurigs are allowed. Talk to your child about some basic skills like car maintenance and how to drive in weather conditions that your child might not be used to.

Kristina: So would you say that chapter eight, the one you co-authored in this book, is more life skill-based skills?

Dr. Austin: One of the best parts of this book is that it covers everything. Chapter eight is everything from life skills to understanding diversity and inclusion amongst new peer interactions. That's not necessarily a skill, but it's an important part of your child's adjustment to college life.  Most students have never lived in a community setting before. With that comes some inherent diversity they may not have previously been exposed to.

Several chapters talk about actual academic transitions and adjustments as well. College Ready 2021 has a little bit of everything!

Kristina: What happens if I miss something as a parent?

Dr. Austin: It will happen! Don't worry!  Most of what your child might need can be bought on Amazon. Also, you can typically direct your student to the resource on campus for help.  That's what you want to be doing! You want to investigate what resources are on campus to help your student become attached to the campus resources. Ideally, we want the parent to start stepping back and the university to start helping the child. We don't expect the students to go straight to the different university resources right away. They're still going to call home because you are their safe place, and you are their place of trust, but we want the parent to encourage independence. We want parents to say, "This is the resource at your school that I want to point you toward for help."

Kristina: That sounds great, Dr. Austin, but I know that there are many kids out there who will be frustrated with their parents. Kids will be saying, "Just tell me! Just help me!" Many kids want the solution to their problems to show up on their doorstep. It is going to be a very, very emotionally painful learning curve.

Dr. Austin: I understand. You're right, but parents have to build autonomy skills and direct them to others at some point. That's when the big B word comes into play, Boundaries. Parents want to build a network of people that will help their students turn in other directions for help.  Boundaries are so important. It won't be easy to stop enabling your child and stop doing everything for them (or stop bailing them out of trouble). Still, at some point, your child needs to learn how to deal with life's difficulties on their own.

I often have parents reflect on times where they empowered their child to make a difficult choice. I find that once you force a parent to think about a time when they've already done this, where they've pushed the student toward independence, they feel better. They realize that they can do this and do it again!  It really is a boundary issue. But parents, you can do hard things. Your child will be much better off because you didn't enable the child and build bad habits.  We don't want these kids to get their first big job and still call their mom or dad for help, asking if they will call their boss and tell them that they can't make it into work today. So, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!

Kristina: Oh, parents! It's going to hurt deep down inside, but this is the best thing to help your child become a more independent adult in the long run.

My next question is, how do I know when it's time to intervene? I understand that I don't want to enable my child and do too much for them, but I also don't want to abandon them when they really might need me. There are times when a parent should step in.  When are those times?

Dr. Austin: Yes, there are circumstances where parental involvement is critical. The first is for those students that have IEP or 504 plan. These educational plans can be very complex. The student may not yet fully grasp all of the accommodations they're entitled to. I interact with many college students who say, "I didn't know I was receiving an accommodation. I thought this was just part of my education." Then, when they get to college, they don't know to advocate for extended test-taking time or other accommodations. They think that these accommodations are going to automatically happen. So for students that have disabilities or learning challenges, I definitely recommend parental involvement until you can teach the self-advocacy skills they need to fully understand their disability and accommodations.

Another time when parents need to get involved, it is important for students with chronic and potentially debilitating health conditions. Many kids don't understand the full extent of the medication they are taking. They know it is a green pill, but they don't know where to get their medications refilled and even their medications. I've had instances where students have epilepsy medicine and didn't know which one they needed to take because the child is so used to these things being done for them. It is important to teach your child to understand their illness or disability in the collegiate setting because understanding it at home differs from understanding in the academic environment.

And the last thing I'll quickly say is when parents should be more involved rather than less when the student has a marginalized identity. For example, students of color often attend a predominantly white institution and experience elevated feelings of disconnect in the collegiate setting.  Therefore, the familiarity of the family and the connection to home can really help support their transition.

Kristina: I want to remind parents that each one of those categories mentioned has a resource on campus to help your child. Help your child find the department for learning challenges, the pharmacy on campus, etcetera.

I am really excited to read College Ready 2021. Can you tell us how do we get a hold of this book?

Dr. Austin: Yes! College Ready 2021 is a quick read. It is very tangible and has very digestible topics that are specific to the 2021 transition. You can purchase it on Amazon, as well as anywhere else books are sold. It is edited by Chelsea Petri, and the publishing company is Wise Action. Every chapter has checklists for the reader too! It's great.

Kristina: Thank you, Dr. Austin, for being here today.

And the audience makes sure that you get MY FREE PDF, 50 Skills To Teach Your Child Before They Leave Home. These 50 skills are a great checklist of activities you can do this summer with your high school student to become proficient and independent young adults. You can find that at theimpactfulparent.com/50things. Couple the free PDF with College Ready 2021, and you're going to have a very successful young adult!

Thanks for being here, parents.  Until next time, you got this. I am just here to help.

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

095: Prepare Yourself For The Next Emergency

Here are the links from today’s episode Prepare Yourself For The Next Emergency: https://theimpactfulparent.com/emergencyplan

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for Prepare Yourself For The Next Emergency:

Welcome Impactful Parents! Today we're going to talk about how to Prepare Yourself For The Next Emergency. Today I'm going to welcome impactful guest Brekke Wagoner. Brekke is the founder of Sustainable Prepping, a business dedicated to educating and empowering women to have an emergency plan to have calm and confidence in any crisis. Welcome to the show Brekke.

Brekke: Thank you so much. I'm glad to be here.

Kristina: Why would I need an emergency plan? Why prepare yourself for the next emergency?

Brekke: We are in the post-2020 world, so it's a little easier to imagine why we might want an emergency plan having lived through a pandemic! We had shortages around groceries, stores even being closed, and limited resources. Having an emergency plan means that we'll be prepared next time, even if we don't see it coming. A plan will help you thrive even when the world seems a little unstable.

Many people think about emergency plans only if they live in an area where there are hurricanes, tornadoes, or floods. Still, anyone can benefit from having a holistic emergency plan for the things you can't expect, like seasonal weather conditions. Also, consider other emergencies like job loss or a prolonged illness. Suppose you are a caregiver and suddenly your expenses go up and you need a little extra support. In that case, an emergency plan can really help you.

Kristina: Can you tell us how do we start this process? What are our first steps to get prepared?

Brekke: Yeah, absolutely! I have a freebie for your audience today with all the fundamentals I am about to talk about, so no need to take notes if you're driving! Just get the free download at https://theimpactfulparent.com/emergencyplan

The five major areas cover all the basics you need in an emergency.  They all start with the letter F. The first one is food and water storage. The idea is to be prepared with food and water in case something happens to the water supply.  I recommend that everyone aim for one to two weeks of water, which is one gallon per person per day for your family. So, for a family of four, they need 20 gallons of water.  I recommend an extra one to two gallons added to that for sanitation, cooking, or whatever comes up.

And then, I recommend that the goal for all families is to get one month of shelf-stable food. That seems like a lot, but it's a lot easier than you think.

The second Fundamental F is first aid and medications. Get your family a first aid kit. Things like peroxide, band-aids, and Neosporin for the scrapes and bruises of life.  I also recommend that folks make sure all their meds are up to date and not expired.  Check your colds and flu medications. Keep extra cold and flu medications on hand.  And then have extra fever reducers like acetaminophen in liquid form in the house. Plus, don't forget to stock up on your prescription meds too. One of the things that happened during the pandemic is people couldn't get to the pharmacy. We don't think about stocking up because most of us have pharmacies that work just fine. Also, depending on your medication, sometimes it is difficult to get extra meds. Talk with your health care provider about your emergency plan and ask if you can get an extra month ahead to have peace of mind.

The third F is fuel and illumination. This is how you're going to cook the food that you've stored right. Will it be a camp stove, grill, or whatever works for your family? Then illumination is how you're going to light your house. If the power is out for a few days or a week, what will you do? Do you have the batteries for the flashlight? Candles are another great option but maybe not if you have little kids.  Thinking about all of those pieces is important.

The fourth F are finances. We must think of our finances in an emergency. Preparedness is empowering. I know no one carries cash anymore but, having cash on hand is important. I recommend that families have $100 for every member of their family set aside. Why?  Because if the power is out, but you can still get to a store, you can't use your credit card! If there's no electricity, then electronic transfers and withdrawals might not work!  CASH gives you more flexibility. Saving money for emergencies is important too.  Aim for three months of your most basic living expenses to be in your savings account.

The fifth and final F is feces or sanitation. What happens if your plumbing doesn't work?! If your pipes burst, your toilet might not work either. Putting together an emergency potty or a camp potty can be a lifesaver. Also, don't forget the disinfectants. If there is a potty mess or someone is sick, you will want to clean and sanitize.  Have extra gloves, trash bags, and masks on hand.

These are the basics and should hold you through 90% of the emergencies that you might face.

Kristina:  I can't tell you how informative the last few minutes were! I'm sitting here nodding my head as you're speaking. Making an emergency plan is very important. I am going to suggest that families take on gathering all these items together!  Get your kids involved! Have them be a part of the plan. Teach them how to prepare.  This could be a family activity this summer.

The one thing going through my mind as you're mentioning this list is that this can get expensive. How can I make an emergency plan on a budget?

Brekke: The first thing is to prioritize. What is the biggest concern for your family? If you live in an area that's drought-prone, water storage might be your number one priority. If you are someone with little kids, you might be focusing on first aid and food storage. If you're someone who has a lot of land where you can build a latrine, you might not worry about the sanitation piece. Start with prioritizing your family's needs.

Second, a lot of these things you can find good deals on if you're willing to slowly create your foundation. Creating an emergency plan is a process.  Hunt for items at your local dollar store.  Pick one thing a month and slowly chip away at the list.  Slowly build your foundation over time!  And here's the thing, even if an emergency happens before you're done with the list, you are already ahead of the disaster and more prepared than you were before!

Kristina: I am loving this! I think it's fantastic because the more you're prepared, the less stress you're going to have.  Your stress emulates down to your children. So, if you're worried and stressed- then your kids will be worried and stressed too.  BUT, if you're prepared and you can limit the worry, your family will also be less scared.

Brekke: Yes!  I want to reach a million moms.  That is my dream because if we have a million moms that are calm when the next pandemic, tornado, or hurricane hits, imagine how different our communities will feel!  The moms can be the calm leaders of their neighborhoods, communities, or work. They'll haven't panicked voices that aren't worried, and that isn't coming from a place of insecurity.

Kristina: Tell me about your business.  What is Sustainable Prepping?

Brekke: My approach to emergency preparedness is different. If you were to Google "emergency preparedness or prepping," it is a very doom and gloom-oriented space. It's very masculine. It's very us versus them. It's not optimistic at all.  It's actually a very pessimistic conspiracy theory community, and that's a turnoff.

To make matters worse, when the pandemic hit, I saw many in my community struggle.  They weren't prepared.  They needed help.  I decided- I could be there. I could be the person to educate others on how to get prepared, and I could do it with a fear-free approach. An emergency plan is an empowerment tool. I want moms to be proactive, not reactive.  When you have a plan, it will make you feel more confident and more secure.  I am passionate about helping families.

Kristina: How can my audience reach you if they are ready to make their emergency plan?

Brekke: I am on YouTube at Sustainable Prepping. I'm also on Instagram @sustainable_prepping.

Kristina:  And don't forget to get your free download from Brekke!  You can find it at https://theimpactfulparent.com/emergencyplan or on her social media links.

Until next time parents, you got this. I'm just here to help.

-------------Prepare Yourself For The Next Emergency--------------------------------

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

096: Screen Time Guidelines For Impactful Parents

Screen Time Guidelines For Impactful Parents

It is Question and Answer LIVE and today's question was: How Much is Too Much Screen Time?

Links mentioned in this episode include: https://gabbwireless.com/?promo=IMPACTFULPARENT

**This episode was broadcasted live on YouTube, Facebook, Linked In, and Instagram.  Submissions for Q&A Thursday can be either emailed to The Impactful Parent directly or direct messaged through any of these social media platforms.  Submissions can be anonymous and are never mentioned in the Live Recording to respect the privacy of The Impactful Parent audience.  Email:  theimpactfulparent@gmail.com

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You'll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

-----------------Screen Time Guidelines For Impactful Parents--------------------------

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

039: You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

You don't know what you don't know.  To rid of behavior you don't want to see in your child, you need to do MORE than just say, "Don't do that."  You must also replace the behavior with what you want to see.  You can't expect your child to know what they don't know. 

FREE PDF with this podcast: https://theimpactfulparent.com/communcationtips  This PDF gives tips for how to communicate better with your child!  Make your directions clearer today with this free download!

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You’ll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Don’t forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don’t miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Transcript:

How can this be happening again?   I ask myself as I sit with my head resting in my hands.  Why is my child freaking out?   Why do they do this?  I take a deep breath and remind myself that they need me more now than they ever did as a tantrumming toddler.  

When my children were 2, they would fall and I would let them cry for a while, give them a hug and help them to get back on their feet.  Oh, how I wish it was still that simple.   Now, they cry louder, they scream back, and they blame me for their unhappiness.  Yes, we have all been there.  You’re not alone.   But are their fits that much different from the toddler years?  Probably not, except now they are more verbal and way bigger.  As a toddler, I would never consider yelling at my 2-year-old for falling, but I have to bite my tongue when my teenager is screaming at me.  Instinct tells me to fight back, but I shouldn’t.  What would that teach?  Yelling at my child does not teach them how to respect others.  Taking away their electronics doesn’t teach them compassion.  Paying my child for good grades doesn’t teach them self-motivation.  Telling my child, “No, you can’t do that,” doesn’t inherently make them understand what behavior is a Yes. 

Instead of punishing our kids for bad behavior, we need to coach our kids to make more positive choices.  Consider, we shouldn’t discipline our children without teaching them better behavior.  We need to give our children the tools needed to replace their behavior with something more positive.  Punishments only lead to a power struggle between child and parent.  It causes rifts in your relationship with your child and honestly, it is an endless battle of you versus me. 

So the next time you want to throw your hands up and pull out your hair because your child is acting in ways you don’t understand, consider that they may not know how to act any other way.   It is our job as parents to teach them. 

If you liked this blog/video and you are interested in more help and information on how to discipline your child or how to change your child’s behaviors- I am creating an online course for this right now.   DM, email or leave a comment below with your interest.   I will be sure you are one of the first people to know when the program will be released to the public.  Plus, please push the like button below and subscribe to The Impactful Parent below. 

038: Irish Parenting

Sinead Kavanaugh joins The Impactful Parent community to talk about how to raise more resilient children.  Sinead doesn't hold back with telling parents how it is and by the end, we discover that parenting is parenting all over the world. We all want our children to be happy and things aren't so different on the other side of the world!

To make an authentic connection with your child, try one of my FREE 30 Day challenges.   Sign up today and you’ll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days.  These questions provoke a new conversation with your child and get you away from the boring questions like, “How was your day, and do you have any homework?”  Start connecting with your child one question at a time!  Completely FREE, so NO excuses! Sign up NOW and watch your connection grow with your child in 30 days! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Parents Need Other Parents!   It’s time to bring the girls together!  The Impactful Parent will bring the discussion and the structure to your meetings, you just bring the drinks and snacks!   Everything you need to start your own mommy group and grow as more impactful parents along the way!  Check it out and find out more at https://theimpactfulparent.com/connectionandconversation

Don’t forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don’t miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

094: How YOUR Dieting Is Hurting Your Child

Here are the links from today’s episode How YOUR Dieting Is Hurting Your Child: www.wellnesslately.com, www.wellnesslately.com/masterclass, https://theimpactfulparent.com

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for How YOUR Dieting Is Hurting Your Child:

Kristina: Welcome parents to The Impactful Parenting Inspire and Learn series, where real parents come on and tell their real stories of inspiration and learning because a wise man learns from his mistakes, but a wiser man learns from other people's mistakes.  Today we're going to learn from Kimberly Dempsey and Dana Barron. Kimberly Dempsey is a former client and now director of marketing for Wellness lately. She has an amazing story that she will tell us about body image and her struggle with dieting since childhood.  Also, today, Dana Barron, co-founder of Wellness Lately, will give us information about how we can help our relationship with food to be a healthier parent.

 Let's get started with Kimberly's story and How YOUR Dieting Is Hurting Your Child.

Kimberly: I think I have a story that's shared by many women all across the world. I came from a household that had a very weight-centric mother. She was always very concerned about keeping her weight controlled and maintaining a certain image. She passed down that mentality to me at a very early age. We were constantly monitoring my body size, putting me on diets, and I was very young. I was only about eight years old.

I remember going on Weight Watchers. I was taught that my body was all wrong. My body was something that I needed to control and work on. My natural body was not good enough. I needed to constantly be working on my body. From eight years old on, this continued.  I can't even count the diets. I've been on Jenny Craig, Keto, Paleo, Whole 30, Counting Macros, and the list goes on. I would say that probably 50% of my waking hours were spent thinking about food. What I was going to eat, what I ate, what I wanted to make sure I didn't eat, etc.  It was stripping away little pieces of my life. Food was constantly on my mind and taking me out of the present.

When I became pregnant, I gained a lot of weight.  I used pregnancy as an excuse to take a break from dieting and eat whatever I wanted.  It was like an extended binge.

After pregnancy, I just continued going on and off eating. I was restricting my food. I was binge eating from time to time.  I felt horrible, and I felt physically uncomfortable. I thought I was mentally a strong person, but I had this ball and chain I was carrying through my whole life.

After I had my daughter, the dieting started to really get to me. "Why can't I accept myself for how I am?" I realized that diets never sustainably worked for me. In addition, binge eating was scary. It was scary to feel out of control around food, not be able to have certain foods in my house, and not go to a social event like a cookout.  

Eventually, I had a pivotal moment of realization.  My daughter was about 5 years old. She was becoming very observant as to what I was doing. She saw that mommy was always eating something different than the family. She saw that Mommy had mood swings and that mom was super unhappy when she was putting on her clothes. My daughter was watching me and learning to hate food through my example. I always wanted to be the kind of mom teaching my daughter how to be strong, love herself, and be powerful.  I didn't want her to have the same body image issues that I had.  I wanted to teach her to accept her body and overcome the unnecessary pain from chronic dieting. So, in the end, my pivot came from wanting to be a better role model for my daughter.  My motivation was to not pass this down to my children. That is when I decided to get help.

Kristina:  Congratulations on making those big choices and being a good model for your children.  You are brave, and I am sure the journey wasn't easy.  Can you tell me more about that journey?  What was the process of becoming an intuitive eater?

Kimberly: Well, step one was for me to realize that I needed help.  Nothing I was trying was working sustainably. Then a friend put me in touch with this company, Wellness Lately, that focuses on teaching the self-care framework called intuitive eating. Intuitive eating is getting back in touch with our own innate hunger and fullness cues and learning how to choose foods that satisfy you physically and mentally. The program teaches you to eat when I'm hungry and stop when you're full.  I learned to seek foods that I want to eat instead of following a plan. I also started listening to their podcast. Wellness Lately has an awesome podcast, and quite honestly, I wasn't ready quite yet.  The thought of stopping diets was terrifying for me. I listened to their podcast for about eight months and bought a book on intuitive eating before taking the plunge to find out more. That's when I joined their Food Freedom Academy, which Dana can tell you about.

Kristina:  Do you feel any resentment toward your mother for the mindset that she instilled in you as a young child? 

Kimberly: It's a really great question, and my honest answer is I felt so much resentment growing up. I didn't understand why she did this to me. I did believe, at my core, that she thought my body was wrong. Now I understand that my mother was just a student of diet culture, which is the culture we live in.  The structured diet like Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig, and the Nutrisystem were popular in the 80s and very influential. I understand now that my mother was trying to do the best thing to protect me from being a part of what's a very stigmatized group.  Overweight people in America is a real systematic problem. She didn't do this out of ill will towards me. My mom thought she was doing the right thing. I have compassion for her because, unfortunately, my mother is still in it. She will be going to her Weight Watchers meetings for her whole lifetime.  I am no longer mad at her, but instead, I empathize.

Kristina: Let's switch gears and hear more about this program. Dana Baron, thank you for being here. Dana, tell us a little bit more about what you do.

Dana: At Wellness Lately, we help women break out of the diet cycle and make peace with food in their bodies so that they can move on to bigger and better things in their lives. The statistics show us that the average woman who diets spends 50 to 60% of her time thinking about food and her body. We help women break out of the diet mentality that they've been living in for so long, and we help them stop battling food in their bodies every day.

Kristina:  I think some women do not even know that there might be a problem. How do you know if you have an unhealthy relationship with food and your body?

Dana: Our definition of disordered eating includes all dieting. But this doesn't cause a problem for everyone. Some people can diet their entire lives and be fine. However, when you are constantly thinking about food, worrying about your body, and feeling out of control around food, that is a telltale sign that something is off.  A normal, healthy, balanced relationship with food won't be emotionally fraught.  There shouldn't be any guilt and shame around eating. Suppose you think about food in terms of earning it or compensating for it, or punishing yourself over it. In that case, that is a problem also. Feeding yourself should not be difficult. Most women know when they reach that place where they just can't do it anymore and know they need help.  

Kristina: Parents need to watch for those warning signs in their children as well.  If you see your child struggling with food, it may also be time to get them help also. 

What is the most important thing that you think that parents could do to ensure that they don't pass down these negative views about eating and body image, just like in Kimberly's story?

Dana:  I think it's investigating your own relationship with food. The most impactful thing you can do is heal your own stuff around food and body, because like we said before, kids don't necessarily do what you tell them; they see how you treat yourself, how you relate to food, whether our mom enjoys dinner if you punish yourself with exercise, the way you speak to yourself, and the way you talk about food being good or bad. It's really investigating your own stuff so that you role model the right mindset.

Kristina:  What do you think step one is that parents can do today to start getting onto that road of a more intuitive eating cycle?

Dana: If you are dieting at home, you should stop. A diet-affirming household is usually a key component of children's relationship with food. So, if you are actively dieting and body shaming, fat-shaming, and all of that stuff in your own home, then we need to correct that.

Kristina:  What are the next steps after that? How do people learn more about what you do?  

Dana: Yes!  Get support. Book a breakthrough session with one of us for free. We work with women to investigate their belief systems around food. We are open to speaking about body image, and this is really what it comes down to. Women wouldn't struggle with food if they didn't believe that their bodies were wrong. We love working with women to heal their relationship with food through allowing all foods and turning to internal cues versus external rules and making peace with certain demonized foods in the past. There are 10 principles of intuitive eating that we would walk you through and support you.

Kristina: How can the audience contact you for help?

Dana: wellnesslately.com

We also have a wonderful free masterclass that will help you start to shift your mindset and give you support. Go to wellnesslately.com/masterclass.

And suppose you want to speak to one of us. In that case, we do free breakthrough sessions for anybody who wants to investigate their relationship with food. No strings attached.  We'll just get on the phone with you and see what's not working and how we can help you start moving forward. You can schedule one of those at wellnesslately.com/apply.

Kristina: Awesome, thank you so much. I know that there are women out there who will be able to reach out to you and get the help they need.

If you have an inspiring story and want to share your story with the audience so that others can learn from you, please go to theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me.

---------How YOUR Dieting Is Hurting Your Child--------------

What to do next:

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How YOUR Dieting Is Hurting Your Child

037: Real Talk: How to talk to your teen about sex, drugs, and peer pressure

Real Talk: How Do I Talk to My Teenager About Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure?  FREE PDF INLCUDED IN SHOW NOTES!

FREE PDF MENTIONED IN THE PODCAST:  https://theimpactfulparent.com/50things  50 Skills to teach your teenager before they leave home and go off to college!

Don’t forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don’t miss an impactful tip!

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Transcripts:

Please, oh please!  Let my child make good decisions next year when they are at college!

I get it.  I have a senior in High school too.  I am already terrified of my son facing the world, but as an Impactful Parent, I also know that I have to let go, and I can't avoid the difficult conversation of Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure.   This goes for you, too!   Being a good parent means preparing our children to leave the nest. Part of that preparation is having the uncomfortable talk about what inevitably lies ahead, so your child is ready. 

Let's break it down.  What do you need to talk about?  There are 3 big topics.  They are Sex, Drugs, and Peer pressure.   Why?  Because statistics show that changing environments, being alone, or feeling isolated can make people more vulnerable.  College has the potential to hit all 3 of these marks!  This vulnerability is amplified by a young person's need to be liked, fit in, and make friends.  Plus, if your child has low self-esteem, then the risk is even greater. 

I know that you might be thinking, "I already had the birds and bees talk with my child years ago, and we've talked about drugs and alcohol too." Well, I am here to tell you that you need to take those conversations further.  Now it is essential to talk about the social responsibility of sex and drugs.  Things like:

• What does responsible consumption look like, or responsible sexual activity?
• How to set boundaries.
• how to deal with peer pressure

Yep, I know!  Tough conversations!  So you might be saying, How Do I Talk to My Teenager About Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure?

Here are 10 tips for what to say and how this conversation should flow. 

Real Talk Tip 1: Start by telling them why you are sitting them down.  Say something like, "Being in a new environment where you want to fit in can push you to do things for the approval of others.  You are an adult now, and ultimately you are responsible for choices.  I want to help you get ready for the new peer pressures you are about to face.   Here are some tips, so you do not do anything regretful.

Real Talk Tip 2:  Practice saying no.  In your head, aloud, or with your friends, practice being assertive and saying no.  Roleplay it out in your mind how you will say no and what will happen.  Kids forget that they must talk not only with their words but also with their bodies.  Body language is what drives the point home.  Practice not only saying the words but standing tall and feeling confident. 

Real Talk Tip 3:  Make a plan before you get into a bad situation.   Decide what you will do if you go to a party and everyone wants you to drink or do drugs.  Decide what you will do if a guy touches you without asking.  Decide what you will do if your intoxicated and need to get home or out of a situation.   Decide what you will do if your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to take the relationship to a place, you are not comfortable with.     Please discuss lots of different scenarios with your child or explain to them that having a plan BEFORE they need helps keep them safe and sets them up for a more successful outcome.  

Real Talk Tip 4:  Decide your limits before you go.  What are you willing to do, and what do you want to avoid?   Knowing your boundaries BEFORE you put yourself in an environment where peers can pressure you to change your mind will help you keep your values and keep your integrity.   You do not want to make decisions at the moment.  That is how regretful actions happen.   Know your boundaries before you even step outside the door.

Real Talk Tip 5:  Be ready to leave.  Have a plan for leaving if the situation gets uncomfortable.   Hopefully, you will be with people who can do what they want and still respect you for your choices, but many times that is not the case.  You may have to leave even if you do not want to; parents are no longer an excuse to get out of the situation, so have another reason ready to go.  Maybe this is a friend. Perhaps this is a lie about being on medication so you cannot drink, but talk about possible excuses NOW with your child, so they do not fumble with their words later.

Real Talk Tip 6:   Pick your friends wisely.   Find friends with the same values and stick together.   Using the buddy system is a great way to get out of uncomfortable situations.  Have a friend that you trust. Be willing to watch over each other. 

Real Talk Tip 7:  Trust your gut.    Tell your child that if it does not feel right, then it is not right.  Your instincts are one of the best indicators for trouble.  Trust yourself and your intuition.

Real Talk Tip 8:   Consider how your actions can put you in a bad situation.  Please remind your child that they have the power to influence their environment.   Their choice of clothing, the way they act, what they consume, what they say, who they hang out with, …. All play a part in how their environment is created.   There are many moving parts to each situation we put ourselves in, but ultimately, little decisions can make considerable influences on how the day plays out. Do not discount those small choices that have the power to change outcomes.

Real Talk Tip 9:  It is ok to be alone and standing up for yourself can sometimes be lonely.   The world's most extraordinary people had to stand alone in their convictions before anyone would accept them and follow.   Reaffirm to your child that it is ok to go against the grain and be alone.  It just means they have not found their tribe yet.   Tell your child that being alone with integrity is much better than being accepted and regretting your actions.

Real Talk Tip 10:  Show you trust your child to make the right choices and that you have complete confidence in their future.   This is important.  A mistake that many parents make is having this conversation with a tone of I know you are going to mess up.  Instead, keep telling your child that you believe in them, and you have to talk about this so you can feel better about being an impactful parent, NOT because you don't trust their choices.   Your child is more likely to make better choices when you believe in them because you will be raising their self-confidence and standards.  Low self-confidence can lead to a self-fulling prophecy. 

I know this is not the conversation you want to have, but it is a conversation worth having!  And if these 10 tips today were not enough- I HAVE MORE!  Today, I am giving you a FREE PDF CHECKLIST of 50 Life Skills your child needs to learn before leaving home.  Get your free pdf by going to https://theimpactfulparent.com/50things.    It is our responsibility to prepare our child, and you are!  You are an impactful parent!  You got this! 

092: How To Balance Being A Working Mom

Here are the links from today’s episode How To Balance Being A Working Mom: www.natalietysdal.com, www.theimpactfulparent.com

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

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Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

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Transcript for How To Balance Being A Working Mom:

Kristina: Welcome Impactful Parents to the Inspire and Learn series, where real parents come on and tell their stories of inspiration and learning because a wise man learns from his mistakes, but a wiser man learns from other people's mistakes. Today we're going to learn from our guest speaker, Natalie Tysdal. Natalie is an award-winning TV news anchor who has left her early morning show to start her own podcast. Now she's focusing on family and health. She's also a mom of three kids. Today we are going to talk about How To Balance Being A Working Mom. Welcome!

Natalie: Thank you so much. I love what you're doing. Anything we can do to support parents!

Kristina:  Today, I want to find out more about your story.  You recently quit your anchor job to pivot into something completely different.  That is very brave, and yet you didn't seem afraid at all! Why did you decide to leave the TV?

Natalie:  Well, I wouldn't say that I wasn't afraid because I certainly was afraid to leave what I had done for so long and that I was very comfortable with. I think many people will relate that starting a second career was certainly a scary thing, and it took me a while to decide to do that.

Kristina: It's a huge life shift. What prompted you to do that?

Natalie:  Well, I have been in the television industry for about 30 years. I was a photojournalist. I love video work. And then after that, I went on to be a producer and then a reporter, and then an anchor. I jumped around the country doing that for many years. The business served me very well, and I loved it very, very much. I'm still a journalist.  Eventually, I chose to work a Morning Show because that allowed me to be home in the afternoon. I felt like I had two full-time jobs. I would get up at 230 in the morning to do a morning show. The show started at 430am. That finished at 9am. I had a live presence Monday through Friday. I'd be home by noon, so I could still go to school parties and help with the PTO at my daughter's school and do all of those "mom" things, but by four or five o'clock in the afternoon, I called myself zombie mom. I had been awake for so long I was running on fumes.  I made the sacrifice to be with the kids, but I realized later that I really wasn't present mentally. It took me a long time to finally admit that I wasn't doing my family any favors by not being fully present in the afternoon when I was tired. I just made the decision that I didn't want to do it anymore.

Kristina:  I like how you view it as an opportunity. I know it's super scary to pivot. I did the same thing. I left 20 years of teaching, which I absolutely loved, to take care of my kids. I had emerging teenagers that I saw needed me way more than anybody else.  I completely get it. I understand where you're coming from. That decision is tough, and it's definitely super scary.

Is there anything that you did to prepare yourself for such a huge transition?

Natalie: A lot of people didn't understand why I wanted to leave a stable job. I love journalism. I felt like it was my calling for a really long time, but that can change.  I was ready for something new.

When I am evaluating my happiness, I ask myself 3 things. Number 1: Are you proud of what you're doing? Number 2: Are you happy? Do you wake up each day and do what makes you happy? And Number 3: Are you challenged? I think by asking myself those three questions, I get a lot of clarity.

I found that I woke up tired, so it was hard to be happy when I'm not taking care of myself physically and mentally. I found myself challenged, but my challenge wasn't the job. I had done it for so long that I knew how to do news. I knew how to ask questions. I knew how to do research. I was challenged by the schedule, the time with my children, and feeling like a present spouse. And I wasn't necessarily proud of what I was doing anymore. I needed to take a step back. I want to do things my own way.

Kristina:  How did your family feel about your big choice to quit and pivot?

Natalie: I wanted them to feel a part of the decision. I wanted to role model making big decisions for my kids. I wanted them to see that it wasn't a knee-jerk reaction, but it was very well thought out. We prayed over it, and we discussed it. In the end, my family was ultimately happy that I was happy.

Kristina:  I love that your kids were part of that choice. So many times, parents make the mistake of making a choice for everybody else. Children will choose better if they have a say in what's happening and hear the decision-making process.

What lessons have you learned about parenting and working?

Natalie: Oh man! How long do we have in this podcast? There are so many things. You know, I think first and foremost: Parenting is messy. Parenting has no balance. Some days are okay, and some days are not okay, but it's never perfect. There's never a perfect balance when trying to be a present parent and trying to work and have a career. I like to tell myself that messy is okay. It's fine. It's important to embrace the mess and chaos. It's not perfect, and that's okay.

Kristina: You're giving yourself grace. That's what I hear from you when you say that. It's okay to have really hard days, and it's okay to have great days, and nothing is going to be perfect.  We do the best we can.

Natalie: I remember a pivotal point. I think it was after my second daughter was born. We've had sports practices all day, and I was the head of the PTO. I was getting up early, and I was exhausted. My daughter had an eye appointment that day, and I was so flustered. There was so much going on. I remember thinking, "I can't do this today. I need to cancel the appointment." I realized I can't do it all. And, yeah, the doctors might not be very happy with me that I had to cancel, but I had to take a step back. I had to accept that I'm not perfect. I'm overwhelmed right now. It's okay to take something off of my plate. Life will go on. I had to give up the expectation that I could do it all.  I like to think of this analogy of having a plate and your plate being overloaded with food. You've got chips and the burger and the fruit and salad. It's not healthy. I've got too much on my plate. I need to pick a few things off. Sometimes we have to remove things from that plate to feel balanced.

Kristina:  I think this is wonderful parenting advice. So many times, as parents, we want to do it all. We set ourselves up to meet a high standard, but it's stressful. It's so stressful. You can't do it all, and you need to give yourself grace. And to just take that epiphany and go, Well, I actually can cancel that. Why not cancel an appointment?  I'm an adult. I can make that choice. It's okay.

When I started my business and left teaching, I thought things would get easier. Teaching is difficult.  It is exhausting. I was excited to make my own schedule while working for myself. But once I was in the business, I found that I had less time for myself and my family if I didn't make myself stop working. There was always one more thing to do and something that needed to be worked on.  I have to constantly remind myself to STOP.  I have to make a conscious effort to put down the work. That's why I started my own business- to have the freedom to stop.  But exercising that freedom is more difficult than I expected.  Are you feeling that same kind of thing?

Natalie:  I am.  I'm also the kind of person who loves adrenaline. I love the breaking news. I do well under pressure. I found that I only have 2 speeds of being.  I have a fast speed, and I have a crash speed.  I'm working really hard to have a middle speed. That's the sweet spot.  We have to train ourselves to find that middle speed and to stop. I find that compartmentalizing my parent role and working role helps me to that.  I hate to generalize, but moms are not good at compartmentalizing or finding balance.  When we're working, we're thinking about our kids, and when we're with our kids, we're thinking about working.

Kristina:  Great advice. Let's talk a little bit about self-care. I'm going to generalize here, but men are better about putting themselves as a priority when it comes to self-care. I'll give you an example. Even if it's a holiday and guests are coming in the afternoon because it's Thanksgiving, I see many men who will wake up and make sure that they work out at the gym.  I see many more moms saying, "I can't go workout. I got guests coming." This isn't good.  We need to prioritize ourselves and self-care.  When our tank is low, we can't serve our family.

How do you take care of yourself?

Natalie: Oh, I relate to all of that so much.  It's hard when your to-do list is so long to give yourself that time for yourself. It's okay to go get a massage, to relax, or to eat a good meal.  Moms are always putting everyone else first.  But I learned that I could NOT be everything to everyone in the afternoon when I was only sleeping four or five hours a night. I wasn't doing anybody any favors. Ask yourself, are you taking care of yourself? Are you taking care of your own needs? And are you taking care of your body and your health?  I didn't realize it, but I was teaching my daughters to work to the bone.

Kristina:  Oh yes! Kids will watch what you do, and they will definitely imitate that. If you're working yourself to the bone, you'll have children that do the same.

So, you have 3 children.  One in college, one in high school, and one in elementary school.  Which stage of development is the most challenging for you?

Natalie:  Oh my goodness, that's not a fair question! They're all challenging, and they're all rewarding. I appreciate the elementary years right now more than I did before because this child is my last.  I try and live in the moment with each of my kids at the stage that they're in.  There are challenges because I have one across the country, and one going to prom this weekend, and one who's writing a book report, but I am trying to enjoy every moment.  They grow up too fast!

Kristina:  Yes.  The days are long, and the years are short.

How do you stay inspired, Natalie?

Natalie:  That's such a great question. I think having good mentors and having good friends is important. I feel like we are what we fill our brains with. If all we are doing is filling it with negative, then that's what we're going to think about. So for me, staying inspired is finding things to fill my brain with that are inspirational. Your mindset is important. If there are things in your life that are making you sad or upset, then remove it, mute it, or whatever it takes to remove the negativity.  So to stay inspired, I try to fill my life with joy.

Kristina: If people are hearing your story and resonating with you, how would they find your podcast?

Natalie: All of my information and podcast is on my website at www.natalietysdal.com. I talk about families and health, and mindset.

Kristina:  Thank you, Natalie, for teaching us How To Balance Being A Working Mom!

If you have an inspiring story that you want to share on the Impactful Parent, please go to my website at https://theimpactfulparent.com.  Go to the 'work with me page and sign up because we want to learn from you too. And until next time, you got this, parents. We're just here to help.

---------------------- How To Balance Being A Working Mom -----------------------------

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30 minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Leave a review for How To Balance Being A Working Mom

093: How To Get Your Child to STOP PROCRASTINATING

It is Question and Answer LIVE and today's question was:  How to get my child to stop procrastinating?

**This episode was broadcasted live on YouTube, Facebook, Linked In, and Instagram.  Submissions for Q&A Thursday can be either emailed to The Impactful Parent directly or direct messaged through any of these social media platforms.  Submissions can be anonymous and are never mentioned in the Live Recording to respect the privacy of The Impactful Parent audience.  Email:  theimpactfulparent@gmail.com

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You'll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

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Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

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Transcript for How to get my child to stop procrastinating?

First, It is important to understand WHY your child is procrastinating so you can react to their procrastination appropriately. Every behavior your child does has a motive. What are they getting out of putting things off?

Today I will give you 7 reasons why your child might be procrastinating and 7 ways you can respond to the procrastination so they will stop!  Let’s get started with the simpler reason first.

REASON 1 WHY YOUR CHILD MIGHT BE PROCRASTINATING: They don’t see the importance of what you ask them to do.  Yep, it’s that simple! Your child doesn’t see the task as relevant to his or her future goals or well-being. Along these same lines, kids procrastinate because the task at hand is boring to them.  When there is little excitement in what you are asking them to do, it is difficult to get motivated about doing the task. WHAT YOU WANT TO DO: Explain it to them.  I know this is annoying, and many parents have the stance of “just do it because I said so.” Still, your child will never stop procrastinating until they find the task-relevant or important to them.  If your child feels like the task is boring, you will have to get creative with making the task more fun and engaging. (Make it a game, race, or invite others to help.)

REASON 2 WHY YOUR CHILD MIGHT BE PROCRASTINATING: They can get away with it.  “Why do something now when I can do it later?” Kids also hate doing things on your timetable. They want to do things independently because it feels like they are exercising some power, independence, and personal choice.  WHAT YOU WANT TO DO: Either pick your battle and let them do it on their own time because they will get it done eventually, OR explain to them the benefit of getting the task done early and along those same lines- give them an incentive/reward for completing the task early, OR implement a consequence for procrastination.

REASON 3 WHY YOUR CHILD MIGHT BE PROCRASTINATING: They are unable to get started due to distractions. These kids know what they need to do but procrastinate due to more appealing distractions.  It is difficult for these kids to prioritize the task you want them to do when other things around them are more interesting or appealing.  WHAT YOU WANT TO DO: Eliminate their distractions and even help them get started.

REASON 4 WHY YOUR CHILD MIGHT BE PROCRASTINATING: They have poor time-management skills. Many kids underestimate how long it will take them to complete the task, so they procrastinate getting started because they assume there is enough time later.  This is called having trouble with executive functioning skills.  Why your child has trouble with executive functioning skills can vary. The most common child with executive function challenges is a child with ADHD.  Some kids with ADHD don’t know the difference between what 5 minutes feels like versus 15 minutes.  They have trouble perceiving time.  WHAT YOU WANT TO DO:  If you think executive functioning challenges are your child, I suggest you have them tested by a local psychologist or learning center.  You can also talk to your child’s teachers about your concerns, and they will have a better idea if your assumptions are correct.

REASON 5 WHY YOUR CHILD MIGHT BE PROCRASTINATING:  Your child doesn’t understand how to do the task or what is expected of them.  This reason is one of the most frustrating for parents because parents think, “Why didn’t they just ask me? Or How could they not know what I expect? I have told them 10 times!”  Yet, some children refuse to ask for help and clarification.  Also, many children might hear you talking, but they simply aren’t listening and taking in the information you’re saying. WHAT YOU WANT TO DO: Explain the task to your child again.  Show them what to do- PHYSICALLY, not just with words. Also, you may want to consider using a daily schedule or a chores chart to lay out your expectations.

REASON 6 WHY YOUR CHILD MIGHT BE PROCRASTINATING: They are perfectionists and don’t like attempting tasks that they think they can’t do perfectly. Your child might feel like they don’t have the skills to get the task done correctly.  This procrastination stems from fear of failing and a lack of self-confidence.  WHAT YOU WANT TO DO: Tell your child that it is ok to make mistakes and perfect is not what you are looking for. Put a big focus on effort instead of completion. You’ll want to clarify your expectations and incentivize EFFORT above all else.  Also, break the task down into smaller, more manageable steps that can help your child feel successful.  Perfectionists tend to spiral out of control in their thinking.  One failure will lead to another, which will lead to another. Eventually, the task in front of them feels daunting and paralyzing.  Breaking the task down into tiny steps and helping your child develop a plan for tackling the problem can help them get unstuck. Also, be sure to ask your child questions to help clarify your expectations and debunk some of their internal spiraling beliefs.  Ask your child things like, “What does ‘done’ look like to you?, What do you think I expect from you? and What do you think will happen if you don’t do this perfectly?”  Lastly, be sure to praise your child for all their efforts and positive qualities. Build their self-esteem with good personality qualities like, “You are so creative, passionate, and tenacious.”

REASON 7 WHY YOUR CHILD MIGHT BE PROCRASTINATING: The task at hand gives them paralyzing anxiety. This can be frustrating because parents don’t understand where the anxiety is coming from. Yet, it is a real problem for your child.  WHAT YOU WANT TO DO:  I would start with the solutions from reason #6 and perfectionism.  A lot of the time, perfectionism and anxiety go hand in hand.  Beyond those suggestions, I would also help your child get started with the task.  You may also want to declare a start and end time for putting in the effort to the task.  For example, I might say, “Let’s start working on _____ at 5 pm. I’ll set a timer, and you can stop at 6 pm if you don’t take a break and you’re really putting in an hour of effort.”  Ultimately, your focus is to get your child to attempt the task and stop avoiding it.  Use rewards to motivate, not punishments. Point out their successes and efforts. You want to remove the overwhelm and create an environment of small achievable accomplishments.

Put some time into evaluating your child’s behaviors and figuring out WHY they are procrastinating.  After knowing the WHY, you’ll be able to respond to their behavior more effectively, making you a more impactful parent.

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036: Overprotective Parents

Overprotective Parents

 

 

[caption id="attachment_2339" align="aligncenter" width="300"]Overprotective Parents[/caption]

Overprotective parents come from a place of love, but it is also a disservice to your child.  Learn how you may be overprotective too!

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Transcript:

Life isn’t that good. Don’t’ believe the hype!  Life isn’t that good.  I used to believe the Leave It To Beaver and Andy Griffith reruns that I grew up on.  Not anymore.   Experience quickly taught me that life is not just black and white. As a tween, I was still confused because life was showing me more hardship, but TV kept showing me more great families like The Cosby’s and the Keatons from Family Ties.  Then, the show Rosanne premiered.  This was ground-breaking at the time because it represented a not-so-perfect TV sitcom family.   America loved it.   Rosanne

was a highly rated show for a while, but it didn’t last.  Before I knew it, TV was back to either representing family life as sweet and perfect as the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire or MTV was showing me the craziest of people on the new fad of reality TV.  Needless to say, I learned to stop watching TV altogether.  My life expectations were confused!

              Today’s kids are in the same predicament!  Social media shows everyone happy.  Life is perfect in the pictures of Instagram and Facebook.  These picture-perfect moments are making our kids feel inadequate. Everyone else is having more fun in the Snapchat videos.  But this generation has it worse.   The TV shows of my day weren’t personal.  I was still several degrees away from knowing Michael J. Fox and Will Smith.  Today, photos and videos are personal.  They are posts of the kids at school. People they see walking in the halls.   Social media makes life look perfect and creates unrealistic expectations for our children.  Life is not that great!  We only post the good parts.

What do we do as parents?  How can we combat unrealistic expectations? Well, unfortunately, most parents make it worse by sheltering their kids too much and putting them on teams where everyone gets a trophy. As parents, we are to prepare our kids for the real world.  We want our kids to grow up, leave home, and be successful adults.  If you’re not preparing your kids for real-world expectations and skills for combating real-world issues, then you are not preparing your kids to be successful.  In fact, you are setting them up for failure.   Of course, we all want our kids safe and happy, but life isn’t that good.  We need to prepare our kids for the hard times too.   Let me tell you another story….

My son runs cross county and is a good athlete.  Having said that, he isn’t a runner.  He runs cross country for his team, but it’s not his primary sport, nor is his body the made-to-run tall and thinly built.  Last week, his small school competed against some big schools in the area, and my wonderful son ran across the finish line last.   Yep dead last.   As a parent, I had a few choices on how to react to this. 

1. Get mad at the coach for setting him up for failure
2. Cry with him and soothe him. Tell him that he is a great runner, and the next time he will do better.
3. Tell him the truth. Remind him that running is not his primary sport. He did a great job.  Tell him that I was proud of him for never giving up and talk to him about the realities of coming in last.

Yes, I took path number 3.  Sometimes in life, we come in last.   Sometimes others deserve to win more.  As parents, it is important to teach humility, effort, and grace as much as it is to teach them grit and drive. Learning these lessons are never easy, but learning them at a young age is much better.  When children are young, they can rationalize better and process experiences better.  Learning hard lessons young gives them time to learn coping skills. The younger you can teach your kids to lose, and congratulate others who out-perform you,  the more drive they will have to win!  Better yet, winning will become more meaningful and something they can be proud of.  

So put your kids in sports, clubs, and competitions where they can win AND lose.  Don’t shelter them from loss.  Instead, take losing as an opportunity to teach them valuable lessons.  The short-term may be hard, but in the long run, you will be giving them a much more beneficial experience.  Watch out that you don't become one of those overprotective parents!