Parenting Stories, Struggles and Strategies for Moms and Dads of School-aged Children, Teenagers, and Impactful Parents

108: How To Support Commuter and Remote Students in College

Here are the links from today’s episode: https://theimpactfulparent.com/50skills

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings, and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link is here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Are you a content creator and need services that help make your business run BETTER with PEACE OF MIND?  Here are a few products I recommend:

• The Contract Shop
  • Protect your contact and your business with the Contract Shop. The Contract Shop provides DIY legal contracts that you customize for your business and your business needs.  Contracts are important and legal documents are boring!  The Contract Shop provides the security you need without the big price tags of an expensive law firm. Try it out today and please use my affiliate link for referring you because I get a small kickback for recommending The Contract Shop products.  Here is your link: https://thecontractshop.com?ref=kristinacampos
• Mobile Monkey
  • Mobile Monkey helps you gain more engagement in your social media posts by providing you with a ROBOT to client questions in your DM. This bot is genius and saves so much time!  Use your robot to respond to common questions, to create keywords your audience can type in order to receive special links, get analytics, auto-responses and so much MORE!  Mobile Monkey should be helping every content creator’s business because at this low price- there are no excuses for getting more time, ease in your business, and increased engagement!  Please use my affiliate link to order: https://app.mobilemonkey.com/instachamp?a_aid=kristinaann

107: 10 Tips For Talking To Your Child About Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure

It is Question and Answer LIVE, and today's question was: How To Talk About Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure

Here are the links from today’s episode: https://theimpactfulparent.com/50skills

**This episode was broadcasted live on YouTube, Facebook, Linked In, and Instagram.  Submissions for Q&A Thursday can be either emailed to The Impactful Parent directly or direct messaged through any of these social media platforms.  Submissions can be anonymous and are never mentioned in the Live Recording to respect the privacy of The Impactful Parent audience.  Email:  theimpactfulparent@gmail.com

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You'll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for Tips For How To Talk To Your Child About Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure:

How Do I Talk to My Teenager About Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure?

Please, oh please!  Let my child make good decisions when they are at college!

I get it.  I have a son going into college too and I can't avoid the difficult conversation of Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure.   This goes for you, too!   Being a good parent means preparing our children to leave the nest. Part of that preparation is having the uncomfortable talk about what inevitably lies ahead, so your child is ready. 

Let's break it down.  What do you need to talk about?  There are 3 big topics.  They are Sex, Drugs, and Peer pressure.   Why?  Because statistics show that changing environments, being alone, or feeling isolated can make people more vulnerable.  College has the potential to hit all 3 of these marks!  This vulnerability is amplified by a young person's needs to be liked, fit in, and make friends.  Plus, if your child has low self-esteem, then the risk is even greater. 

I know that you might be thinking, "I already had the birds and bees talk with my child years ago, and we've talked about drugs and alcohol too." Well, I am here to tell you that you need to take those conversations further.  Now it is essential to talk about the social responsibility of sex and drugs.  Things like:

• What does responsible consumption look like, or responsible sexual activity?
• How to set boundaries.
• how to deal with peer pressure

Yep, I know!  Tough conversations!  So you might be saying, How Do I Talk to My Teenager About Sex, Drugs, and Peer Pressure?

Here are 10 tips for what to say and how this conversation should flow. 

How Do I Talk To My Teenager About Sex, Drugs and Peer Pressure Tip 1: Start by telling them why you are sitting them down.  Say something like, "Being in a new environment where you want to fit in can push you to do things for the approval of others.  You are an adult now, and ultimately you are responsible for choices.  I want to help you get ready for the new peer pressures you are about to face.   Here are some tips, so you do not do anything regretful.

How Do I Talk To My Teenager About Sex, Drugs and Peer Pressure Tip 2:  Practice saying no.  In your head, aloud, or with your friends, practice being assertive and saying no.  Roleplay it out in your mind how you will say no and what will happen.  Kids forget that they must talk not only with their words but also with their bodies.  Body language is what drives the point home.  Practice not only saying the words but standing tall and feeling confident. 

How Do I Talk To My Teenager About Sex, Drugs and Peer Pressure Tip 3:  Make a plan before you get into a bad situation.   Decide what you will do if you go to a party and everyone wants you to drink or do drugs.  Decide what you will do if a guy touches you without asking.  Decide what you will do if your intoxicated and need to get home or out of a situation.   Decide what you will do if your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to take the relationship to a place, you are not comfortable with.     Please discuss lots of different scenarios with your child or explain to them that having a plan BEFORE they need helps keep them safe and sets them up for a more successful outcome.  

How Do I Talk To My Teenager About Sex, Drugs and Peer Pressure Tip 4:  Decide your limits before you go.  What are you willing to do, and what do you want to avoid?   Knowing your boundaries BEFORE you put yourself in an environment where peers can pressure you to change your mind will help you keep your values and keep your integrity.   You do not want to make decisions at the moment.  That is how regretful actions happen.   Know your boundaries before you even step outside the door.

How Do I Talk To My Teenager About Sex, Drugs and Peer Pressure Tip 5:  Be ready to leave.  Have a plan for leaving if the situation gets uncomfortable.   Hopefully, you will be with people who can do what they want and still respect you for your choices, but many times that is not the case.  You may have to leave even if you do not want to; parents are no longer an excuse to get out of the situation, so have another reason ready to go.  Maybe this is a friend. Perhaps this is a lie about being on medication so you cannot drink, but talk about possible excuses NOW with your child, so they do not fumble with their words later.

How Do I Talk To My Teenager About Sex, Drugs and Peer Pressure Tip 6:   Pick your friends wisely.   Find friends with the same values and stick together.   Using the buddy system is a great way to get out of uncomfortable situations.  Have a friend that you trust. Be willing to watch over each other. 

How Do I Talk To My Teenager About Sex, Drugs and Peer Pressure Tip 7:  Trust your gut.    Tell your child that if it does not feel right, then it is not right.  Your instincts are one of the best indicators for trouble.  Trust yourself and your intuition.

How Do I Talk To My Teenager About Sex, Drugs and Peer Pressure Tip 8:   Consider how your actions can put you in a bad situation.  Please remind your child that they have the power to influence their environment.   Their choice of clothing, the way they act, what they consume, what they say, who they hang out with, …. All play a part in how their environment is created.   There are many moving parts to each situation we put ourselves in, but ultimately, little decisions can make considerable influences on how the day plays out. Do not discount those small choices that have the power to change outcomes.

How Do I Talk To My Teenager About Sex, Drugs and Peer Pressure Tip 9:  It is ok to be alone and standing up for yourself can sometimes be lonely.   The world's most extraordinary people had to stand alone in their convictions before anyone would accept them and follow.   Reaffirm to your child that it is ok to go against the grain and be alone.  It just means they have not found their tribe yet.   Tell your child that being alone with integrity is much better than being accepted and regretting your actions.

How Do I Talk To My Teenager About Sex, Drugs and Peer Pressure Tip 10:  Show you trust your child to make the right choices and that you have complete confidence in their future.   This is important.  A mistake that many parents make is having this conversation with a tone of I know you are going to mess up.  Instead, keep telling your child that you believe in them, and you have to talk about this so you can feel better about being an impactful parent, NOT because you don't trust their choices.   Your child is more likely to make better choices when you believe in them because you will be raising their self-confidence and standards.  Low self-confidence can lead to a self-fulling prophecy. 

I know this is not the conversation you want to have, but it is a conversation worth having!  And if these 10 tips today were not enough- I HAVE MORE!  Today, I am giving you a FREE PDF CHECKLIST of 50 Life Skills your child needs to learn before leaving home.  Get your free pdf by going to https://theimpactfulparent.com/50things.    It is our responsibility to prepare our child, and you are!  You are an impactful parent!  You got this! 

Subscribe to The Impactful Parent YouTube Channel, like this video, and follow the Impactful parent on social media.  Links down below!

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings, and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link is here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Are you a content creator and need services that help make your business run BETTER with PEACE OF MIND?  Here are a few products I recommend:

• The Contract Shop
  • Protect your contact and your business with the Contract Shop. The Contract Shop provides DIY legal contracts that you customize for your business and your business needs.  Contracts are important and legal documents are boring!  The Contract Shop provides the security you need without the big price tags of an expensive law firm. Try it out today and please use my affiliate link for referring you because I get a small kick back for recommending The Controt Shop products.  Here is your link: https://thecontractshop.com?ref=kristinacampos
• Mobile Monkey
  • Mobile Monkey help you gain more engagement in your social media posts by providing you with a ROBOT to client questions in your DM. This bot is genius and saves so much time!  Use your robot to respond to common questions, to create keywords your audience can type in order to receive special links, get analytics, auto-responses and so much MORE!  Mobile Monkey should be helping every content creator’s business because at this low price- there are no excuses for getting more time, ease in your business, and increased engagement!  Please use my affiliate link to order: https://app.mobilemonkey.com/instachamp?a_aid=kristinaann

 

105: How To Support Your New College Student First Semester

Brie, Waterman, co-author of College Ready 2021, gives tips for: how to handle your child getting homesick, how to support your child making friends, and how to keep family ties strong.

PLUS- Get The Impactful Parent's FREE PDF CALLED: 50 Things To Teach Your Child Before They Leave Home. Get it at https://theimpactfulparent.com/50things

#collegeready #parentingcollegekids #parentingcollegestudents

0:00 Intro

0:50 What if my student gets homesick?

3:06 How do I support my child making friends?

6:54 How many clubs should my student join?

8:46 What if my child doesn't want to connect with the family?

11:31 College Ready 2021

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings, and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link is here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

104: Making Mealtime Fun and Easy!

Here are the links from today’s episode Making Mealtime Fun and Easy!:

• FREEBIE= https://theimpactfulparent.com/mealtime

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for Making Mealtime Fun and Easy:

Kristina: Welcome impactful parent. Today we're going to talk about how to make ordinary weeknight family dinners extraordinary, fun, and speedy. Today, I have a special guest Linda Lederman. Linda is the owner of Balaboosta’s Secret, where she teaches busy moms how to meal plan, prep, and cook with speed and fun.  I am excited to learn from her today. Thank you for being here.

Linda: Thanks for having me.

Kristina: Can you give us some hacks for how to get that dinner on the table quick?

Linda:  Well, in an ideal world, we'd all be meal planning which is generally unrealistic for everybody, but there's a way to do it where you can still get food on the table fast.  My first recommendation is to know what you have on hand. Know what's in your pantry. Know what's in your refrigerator. Know what's in your freezer. The next thing to do is know how to use it.

Another thing you can do is, put your spices together. If you're making tacos every Tuesday, keep all your tacos spices in one spot. Then when you go to make your meal, you just take out the bin. You're not going through your spice drawers frantically searching, asking, “Where did I put that garlic?” You can be organized. You can make spice rubs in advance.

You can learn how to do sheet pan cooking. Sheet pan cooking is where you put the food on a sheet pan with your vegetables, pop it in the oven for 15-20 minutes. Your dinner is made.

You can do batch cooking, which means you cook more than what you need, so you can repurpose it for another meal. For instance, I wanted to make Asian meatballs, which sounds really exotic. Still, it probably takes 15 minutes from start to finish. Make Asian meatballs by baking them in the oven. Then put them on rice noodles with a peanut sauce.  The next night, crumple it up and put it in a lettuce leaf with some Hussin sauce and Buck joy. You’re not cooking the whole meal again.  You’ve just saved a tremendous amount of time because the kids aren’t complaining it's leftovers because the food looks different, and it tastes different too. They have a whole new meal.

Kristina:  My kids hate leftovers.  Can you give a few more suggestions for making leftovers desirable and different than the night before?

Linda: Let's say you're making rice as your side dish one night. The secret to reusing rice is to make fried rice with the leftovers. So, if you make twice as much rice as you need one day 1, you’ll be able to make fried rice on day 2.  And let's say you roasted chicken one night.  You can slice it up into small pieces and put it on fried rice.

Kristina: Many families also have picky eaters. Little kids that are super picky can bring mealtime down. Do you have any recommendations for picky eaters?

Linda: Yes, engage them in your grocery shopping. Tell them that you’re looking for purple foods today. Let them pick a purple vegetable! Then, let them see what their purple food tastes like. Engage them in the process.  Or you can go to a farmers market and say, “Let's try something we've never tried before. Let's ask the farmer how to make ____” Once children get engaged in the process, they're more willing to try new foods. You encourage kids to try a new ethnic cuisine today! Let's look at a map and pick a country! Then find food from that country that you think you can create.

Kristina: Anytime you can get kids involved, you’ll have better cooperation.  It empowers the children. I like to take my kids to the local farm and have them pick their veggies and fruits in the summer.  It is a great experience for everyone.

Now, let’s talk about dinner conversation.  Mealtime is a great opportunity to bond with your kids. Make it a rule that there are no screens at the table. Mealtime then allows you to talk to your children.  It doesn't even matter if you don't have anything to say. Mealtime allows your child to talk to you.

Linda: My first piece of advice is, do not ask, ‘How was your day? Did you learn anything in school?’ This is a buzz kill right off the bat. Kids don't want to respond to that.

One of the things that I do is, there's a silly holiday for absolutely every day of the year. If you know what might be that silly holiday for the day, you can make a conversation around it. One example of that is, April is National Poetry Month. I announced to my family, when you come to the table tonight, bring a poem. Well, the groaning in the morning was deafening.

So now the challenge was on. My daughter brought a poem that basically said, I hate poetry. My son made some kind of silly rap song, and my husband made even a sillier rap song. The night wasn’t even about the poetry. It was about starting a new conversation and having fun.

Another thing you could do is play a game.  Any card game or board game would work!

Another thing you can do is trivia cards.  You can also do mad libs at the table, which becomes really fun because kids of all ages can do something like that.

My family also does round-robin stories where you start a story. Then your child continues where you left off, and you go around the table till the story gets finished, or you want to start another.

You can also do current events. I ask my kids to read a newspaper once a week and bring an interesting article to the table.  

Kristina: I love it. Anytime you can have a real, authentic conversation, you will also create a connection with your children.

Why are you so passionate about family dinner time?

Linda: It is really important to make the most of mealtime.  Studies show that families that eat together also have kids who do better in school, are less likely to get involved in drugs, and have better communication skills and social skills. It's a win-win when you get to have a great time and make wonderful memories.

Kristina: If people love what they're hearing, how can they learn more from you?

Linda: I can be found at balaboostassecret.com.  Plus, I have a freebie for your audience today! It is a free PDF. It's a little bit about everything I've talked about tonight and some more. It's called Quick Dinner Time Sanity Saving Tips.  You'll find suggestions for what you should have in your pantry, refrigerator, and freezer in the PDF.  There are also quick tips on how to get dinner on the table fast. Lastly, there are a whole bunch of ideas of what you can talk about with your kids when you're at the table.

Kristina: Perfect, Linda.  Thank you!  Audience, after you get your freebie, go to theimpactfulparent.com and get some more freebies from me!

Until next time, you got this.  I am just here to help.

----------------Making Mealtime Fun and Easy!------------------

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings, and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link is here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

------------------Making Mealtime Fun and Easy!-------------

103: Why Is My Child Sensitive To Touch?

It is Question and Answer LIVE, and today's question was: Why Is My Child Sensitive To Touch?

Here are the links from today’s episode Why Is My Child Sensitive To Touch?: https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE resources and paid programs for your family.

**This episode was broadcasted live on YouTube, Facebook, Linked In, and Instagram.  Submissions for Q&A Thursday can be either emailed to The Impactful Parent directly or direct messaged through any of these social media platforms.  Submissions can be anonymous and are never mentioned in the Live Recording to respect the privacy of The Impactful Parent audience.  Email:  theimpactfulparent@gmail.com

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You'll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for Why Is My Child Sensitive To Touch?  :

Welcome Impactful Parents.  Today’s question from the audience is: Why is my child developing some odd habits?

Hello. My name is Kristina, and I am the founder of The Impactful Parent.  Every week I come on here and answer one of your questions LIVE.  If you have a question for next week, please DM me or email me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com.  All submissions are kept anonymous.

Now back to our question.  This week our question reads, “Why is my child developing some odd habits? My child has always been a picky eater and sensitive to some clothes, but now it seems like the weird habits are getting worse. Now my child is chewing on their shirt non-stop and won’t even let me hug them half of the time.  What is happening?

This is much more common than most people realize, and for that reason, I love this question.  In fact, if you think that your child has some oddities or is growing into some weird habit, then this episode is for you!  Let me start by saying that I am not a doctor. To get a true diagnosis, you’ll need to go to your health care professional. Still, it does sound to me like this child has some sensory sensitivities.  So today, I am going to give you signs that your child has tactile sensitivities and a few tips for dealing with them.

Touch sensitivities have many names. The most common names include a neurological disorder, tactile defensiveness, or sensory processing disorder. Still, whatever you call it, touch sensitivity causes a child to overreact to touch. A lot of times, you will see touch sensitivities manifest themselves in things like:

• Difficult wearing clothing because they complain that the fabric is itchy or rough
• Kids being irritated with clothing tags
• Kids hating to wear socks because of the seams or how they bunch up in their shoes,
• Kids that have difficulty brushing their teeth due to toothpaste textures or bristles,
• Kids who can’t get their haircut because of how the barber touches them with the razor, scissors, or all the little, tiny hairs that get on them due to a haircut.
• Kids that avoid big crowds, loud places, amusement parks, movie theaters, or anywhere that there are many bright lights, loud noises, or too much activity.
• Kids that avoid finger painting, playing in the sand, play-doh, or avoid messy activities like cooking or gardening,
• Kids that are picky eaters due to food textures, or kids that avoid mixing foods or food with lumps,
• Kids that don’t like wind, rain, or other weather elements touching their skin,
• Kids that don’t like unexpected hugs, kisses, or any unexpected touch! Maybe you see your child rubbing your hug or kiss away?
• Kids that instantly go into a flight-or-flight response with simple, non-threatening touches.

Do you see the pattern in those examples?  These kids are overly sensitive to anything that touches them.  For example, think of a simple touch like a hug feeling like a bear is squeezing you.  Most touch is exaggerated for kids with sensory sensitivities.  On a side note: I will also mention a disorder that is the opposite of touch sensitivities where the child is sensory seeking.  If you’re interested in learning more about that disorder, send me a quick message, and I can do an episode on that disorder too.  That disorder is often mistaken for ADHD, but it is not ADHD-related.

But back to Sensory Sensitivities…

Sensory sensitivities don’t affect your child’s ability to learn; however, it affects their ability to concentrate and take in information. That is why it is very important to diagnose this disorder early before your child has academic challenges. The tactile system in the body also affects the emotional triggers in the brain.  That is why over-stimulating your child will cause them to cry at the drop of a hat or irritate them into a bad mood. When your child is overstimulated, they will go into a fight-or-flight mode and view certain touches as threatening. For example, if you give your child a light touch on the neck or pat on the back and they react with a flight response like, “Ahhh! Get away from me,” then you’ve just seen your child go into flight mode.  Or maybe your child hates the tags on their shirt because it is so irritating to have that unwanted stimulus that your child cannot think or concentrate on anything else.  All these are signs your child has touch sensitivities.

So, what can parents do to help a child with touch sensitivities? Here is a rapid-fire list of things you can try.  Be sure to watch the video again if you need to write anything down.

• Ask your child if you can give them a hug or kiss. Don’t give them unsolicited or surprise touch.
• Tell family members that your child has sensitivities and also ask them to not give a surprise touch. This is especially important around holidays when stimulation is already high. Sometimes, the big hug and pinch on the cheek from grandma can make your child go over the top.
• Use weighted backpacks, weighted blankets, and other weighted accessories to help ground your child and make them feel good.
• Touch your child firmly instead of softly. Don’t hurt your child, but touch them with a firmer feel rather than a light graze.
• Ask your teacher to have your child go first or last in line so that they can avoid others bumping into them.
• Cut out the tags of clothes or buy tagless clothing.
• Consider using plates that separate foods, and be aware that your child might not like lumps in their food, so you may have to puree some items.
• Avoid tickling your child.
• Create a quiet corner or safe space in your home where your child can go to get away from overstimulating environments and calm down. Maybe a tent or darkroom.  Create a quiet space, dim light (or use a red light bulb), and have soothing tactile comfort tools like soft pillows.
• Ask your child to partake in some heavy work. Heavy work is any type of activity that pushes or pulls against the body. Heavy work activities can help kids with sensory processing issues feel centered, so ask your child to help you carry some heavy boxes around the house.
• Sometimes oral stimulation will help the child distract from what is irritating to them and focus on the oral activity happening in their mouth, allowing your child to have some gum or a lollipop to calm themselves down or concentrate in school.
• And lastly, look into a method called Willbarger Brushing. Basically, Willbarger Brushing uses a special brush to calm your child.  You brush the child’s arms and legs with the brush several times a day, followed by joint compressions to regulate their system again. The technique is very simple, and occupational therapists use this technique all the time but look into it for yourself to see if it is a right fit for your child.

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings, and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link is here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

102: Communication and Behaviors

Here are the links from today’s episode Communication and Behaviors:

• focusedhealthyfamily.com 
• theimpactfulparent.com/anxiety
• theimpactfulparent.com/anger
• theimpactfulparent.com

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for    :

Kristina: Welcome impactful parent. Today we're going to talk about the importance of communication and how that affects your relationship with your child and your child's behaviors. Today we have special guests, Don and Gina Grothoff. They are behavior transformation specialists. They work with families to teach communication skills that help the behaviors of children and improve the parent-child relationship. I'm very happy to have them on today. Thank you for being here, Don and Gina.

Don/Gina: Thank you for having us.

Kristina: How do I know whether or not I'm a good or bad communicator? How would I know whether or not this video is going to be important to me?

Gina: The name of the workshop we do is based on the book called How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk. If you find yourself frustrated that you're saying things over and over again, and your kids aren't listening to you. Or you're wanting them to be more independent. Maybe you're constantly having to remind them to do things? Maybe you’re not really getting cooperation from them? Communication is something that we all could use to improve, right?

Don: We have a line that we use that “behavior is a foreign language.” A lot of people don't realize that behavior isn't really the issue. Behavior is really a means of communication. It's really about what underlines the behavior issue that is the real problem. If you can understand communication behavior, you can discover other ways of communicating with your child.  Then, you can get down and start working on the real issue.

Kristina: Let's give this audience some action item tips that they can use today. Let's say their child has a behavior issue. What are some things that parents can do to help their child and improve the communication interaction?

Gina: The first thing you can do is, describe the situation. If you walk in the room and your kids are fighting, describe what you see. You may say something like, “I see you both want this toy. It looks like you're trying to pull it away from each other, or you're trying to hit each other.”  

Don: Don’t comment on the character of the child.  You're describing what you see

Gina: Another thing you can do is give them choices. For example, it's time to get ready for bed. Would you like me to help you pick up the toys, or would you like to do it yourself?  You’re giving them choices, but both choices have the outcome you're looking for. Sometimes kids need a little direction. They need to be able to choose between this or that.

Kristina: I want to comment on that because I love giving children choices. It empowers them. Plus, it's so much more effective to get what you want.

Don: One of my favorite techniques is “giving it to them in fantasy.” For example, let’s say you have a child that wants a certain type of cereal you don't have, but they're demanding it.  Try having some fun with it instead. You can say, “I wish I had a big huge magic wand, and poof, I could make a huge box of that cereal right here for you. The problem is, we don’t have that cereal, so how can we make this other cereal magical instead?”

Kristina:  It's you phrase what you want from your child that makes all the difference.

How did you determine that communication was an important part of parenting in your practice?

Gina: We have a daughter with anxiety disorders and suffered from severe OCD from a young age. In our process of getting help for her, going to different professionals, and looking at all different types of resources, we realized something was missing. We found communication changes made a huge difference in her behaviors.  Communication was the missing piece that made a big difference in helping her with her recovery.

Kristina: How do I start helping my child if I think my communication might be a contributing issue?

Don: Begin by practicing your listening skills. You want to understand their feelings and accept their feelings.  Parents tend to be fixers. We want to be able to answer it, fix it, and resolve it. A lot of times, we have to stop ourselves and just listen. Hear their frustrations.  You don't need to respond with more than just an occasional couple of words. Sometimes that's all our kids need.

Kristina: Yes, listening is communicating. Many times our children just need to be heard. Parents don’t have to fix everything. We want to empower our kids to be able to fix things themselves.

Gina: Remember, it doesn't matter how long the problems have been going on. You can always improve communication and improve the relationship that you have with your child.

Kristina:  if people listen to this and resonate with what you're saying, tell us a little bit more about what you do and how they can reach you.

Don/Gina:  We work both one on one with families, and we do communication workshops. You can find out more by going to focushealthyfamily.com.  Our events page will give you the dates and times of our next workshops.

Kristina:  Thank you for being here, Don and Gina.  Suppose parents need help with their child’s big emotions like anxiety or anger management. In that case, you can also go to my online DIY program at theimpactfulparent.com/anxiety or theimpactfulparent.com/anger.  Also, don’t forget to check out everything that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  Go to theimpactfulparent.com and discover free resources and more!

Until next time, you got this! We are just here to help.

--------------------Communication and Behaviors---------------------------------

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link is here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

101: How To Tell The Difference Between Stress and Anxiety In Your Child

It is Question and Answer LIVE and today's question was: What is the difference between stress and anxiety? How can I tell the difference in my child?

Here are the links from today’s episode: https://theimpactuparent.com/anxiety and https://theimpactfulparent.com/anxiety-webinar

**This episode was broadcasted live on YouTube, Facebook, Linked In, and Instagram.  Submissions for Q&A Thursday can be either emailed to The Impactful Parent directly or direct messaged through any of these social media platforms.  Submissions can be anonymous and are never mentioned in the Live Recording to respect the privacy of The Impactful Parent audience.  Email:  theimpactfulparent@gmail.com

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You'll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for Stress versus Anxiety in Children  :

Welcome impactful parent! Today we're going to talk about what is the difference between stress and anxiety.

Hello.  My name is Kristina Campos, and I am the founder of The Impactful Parent.  Every week I come on here and answer one of your questions live.  If you have a question for me for next week, please submit it by DMing me or emailing me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com. All submissions are kept anonymous.  And don’t forget to push the subscribe button, like this post, and forward it to a friend that could use this information.  Now let’s get our questions today!

This week’s question is: What is the difference between stress and anxiety? How do I know the difference so I can get my child the help they need?

I love this question! You are not alone if you don’t know how to identify the difference between stress and anxiety in your teen because, frankly, it is difficult! Teens present a unique front that makes identifying the differences much more difficult because their brain development hasn't matured completely. Teens don’t know how to combat or deal with stress efficiently.  They simply don’t have the experience or coping tools yet. Some of these skills are acquired through experience and other skills parents need to help and guide teens through to learn. When teens don’t know how to handle the stress in their life, they often resort to visible frustration, tantrums, and overreacting. In addition, the symptoms of stress and mild anxiety are the same!  Some of those symptoms include sleep disturbances, headaches, stomach problems, muscle tension, tiredness, and the list goes on. These reactions look like anxiety, but it is important to know the difference so you can help your child more efficiently.  So today, I'm going to give you four tips for identifying the differences between stress and anxiety.

Tip 1 for identifying stress versus anxiety in children: Anxiety presents itself as an IRRATIONAL fear when the body sees something scary. Let me give you an example. It is normal to be afraid when we see something scary.  If I am hiking on a mountain trail and see a bobcat, it would be natural for anyone to get stressed and nervous in that potentially dangerous situation.  Now take the same scenario, but instead of seeing a bobcat on my hiking path, I see a domestic cat. With anxiety, the body still has a reaction to that seeing a bobcat.  That is irrational, and that irrational reaction is a cause for concern.  The overreactive reaction is likely a sign of anxiety. Again, what you are looking for is an overblown reaction of fear to nothing or very little threat.

Tip 2 for identifying stress versus anxiety in children: Anxiety is chronic. Big or small items, it doesn’t matter. Anxiety is a constant belief that things will go wrong. With normal stress, once the stressor is removed, a person should start to feel normal again.  Let’s take, for example, my hiking trip again.  Once I am safe at home, and away from the bobcat, my stress levels should decrease.  However, suppose I have anxiety and not just stress. In that case, I might still believe I am in danger even though I am not hiking anymore.  I might start being afraid of all hikes and walks outside of my home because I may fear running into a bobcat.

Tip 3 for identifying stress versus anxiety in children: Anxiety interferes with the person’s life. Stress comes and goes, but anxiety disrupts the normal joy of living and prevents the person from enjoying life. Perhaps your child is always hiding in their room, avoiding social situations, or maybe the anxiety is even interfering with daily functioning because their fears are so intense and disproportionate to the situation. Maybe your child is constantly in a state of aggression.  Fears come out in either a fight mode or flight mode.  Children will often be seen hiding and trying to avoid their fears or standing up to the fear in a high alert, fighting state.  Either way, their reaction is exhausting and will interfere with your child enjoying life.  Maybe they are avoiding things, people, or activities that they once enjoyed? Their anxiety is so chronic and intense that the person can’t be happy for long periods. The anxiety reaction is disruptive to their everyday living.

Tip 4 for identifying stress versus anxiety in children: Typical means of helping your child calm down and regulate their emotions just don’t work.  Perhaps you’ve already tried helping your child because you can see that they are destressed often, but everything you try simply doesn’t work.  Taking away the stressors doesn’t help.  Avoidance of people, places, or activities is still strong and a non-negotiable for your child. Your child never accepts the reassurance and encouragement that you give. No matter what you do to comfort your child, they still can’t calm down, and they can’t think logically about their fears.  You don’t want to engage in power struggles with your child because, frankly, they aren’t going to get you anywhere.  With anxiety, your child will likely get mad at you for your attempts to comfort them.

So what next?  If you think your child has anxiety, it may be time to get them professional help.  Mental health professionals specialize in these types of things. They can help your child by talk therapy and teaching coping skills.  I also offer an online program to help parents teach their children how to control their anxiety and big emotions.  To find out more about my DIY online program, you can go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/anxiety or type ANXIETY inside my DM. My robot will automatically send you the link you need.  Even better, take my FREE anxiety webinar and discover the step-by-step process you need to help your child!  The webinar is completely free, so there is nothing to lose, and I am sure you’ll find some insights about helping your child that will be worth your time.  To watch the webinar go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/anxiety-webinar or type ANXIOUS CHILD in my DM, and my bot will send you the link you need.

------------------Stress versus anxiety in Children------------------------

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30 minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

100: A Mom Addicted To Marijuana

Here are the links from today’s episode A Mom Addicted To Marijuana: https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for A Mom Addicted To Marijuana :

Kristina:  Welcome impactful parents to the impactful parenting, Inspire and Learn series where real parents come on and tell their stories of inspiration and learning because a wise man learns from his mistakes, but a wiser man learns from other people's mistakes. Today we're going to be learning from our guest speaker, Amanda Gorman. Amanda has an amazing story to tell us about her journey with marijuana addiction.  Let’s start with your story, Amanda.  How did this start?

Amanda: Well, just to give a little bit of background about me, I am a wife and a mother of two little kids. I live in Atlanta, Georgia. It was pretty innocuous at first. I started smoking some weed when I was in college like many people do. Addiction wasn't an issue for me right away. It was a recreational fun thing to do at parties and with friends. And over time, my use became a little bit more frequent. I started using weed to self-medicate. I have anxiety. By the time I was a senior in college, I was smoking from morning till night.

I continued this until about my mid-20s. It didn't seem like a problem because I was productive. I had a good job. I met my husband, and that time in life seemed to be pretty good. Then my husband and I got married. We decided to have kids. I decided it was a good idea to stop using. And so, I specifically got sober. Although I didn't think of it in terms of sober. I thought of it as I'm gonna take a break from smoking weed because I don't want THC in my system while I get pregnant. It was that simple. So I stopped for a couple of years until I was done breastfeeding my daughter.

Then I started a job in Colorado. After I was done breastfeeding my daughter, I was like, oh, I'll reward myself for all my hard work and abstinence with indulging. Around the same time, THC vape pens became all the rage. I remember the first time I ever saw one. I couldn’t believe that you could barely smell it, and I thought it was the best thing since sliced bread. So I started using marijuana again a little bit at night, much like a substitute for my nightly glass of wine. I didn't think anything of it.

Then I repeated that cycle to have my son. I stop smoking, got pregnant, had my second baby, and breastfed for about 11 months. Then at the end of 2019, I got myself a vape pen again. I started up my nightly indulgence again. 

Then things changed for me during the pandemic. March 2020 came around. We went into lockdown. My old habits of self-medicating came right back. By the summer of last year, I was back to my habit of smoking from morning tonight. But this time, I was a mom of two little kids. I couldn't be emotionally and mentally present for them. My kids were still well taken care of. I was still physically present for them, but I just didn't care about things as much. Ironically I used weed to lower my anxiety. After a while, my tolerance went up, and I started using more and more frequently. Unfortunately, the weed backfired on me and made my anxiety worse. The weed made me more irritable, made mood swings more intense, and life became unmanageable. I wasn't happy in my job anymore. I wasn't happy with much of anything. I just wasn't making any positive movements in my life. I found myself slacking off on the job. Everything in my life really started to suffer.

Then things hit a wall in the fall of last year. My relationship with my husband was suffering. I wasn't the wife or mother or person that I wanted to be.  I remember one weekend I was by myself because I tended to want alone time and escape into a world of my own creating. I remember smoking and being like, I don't even want to do this anymore. I'm doing it just because it's a habit. It was almost compulsive. In addition to that, I had developed a pretty bad cough.

One night I was on the phone with a friend, and they expressed a lot of concern about my mental health. Their conversation stuck with me.  I was still questioning why I am continuing to do this? I don't even really want to smoke any more.

So on October 4, I threw my entire stash. I smoked for the last time on October 3. Now, I stopped smoking, but things got worse before they got better. What I mean by that is, when I was smoking weed, I was numbing myself of all of my feelings. I didn't want to deal with problems but pushing down and masking my feelings wasn’t getting me anywhere. My emotional problems just came bubbling right back up to the surface and all while I was going through major physical withdrawal symptoms. Not everyone knows about marijuana; you can have serious withdrawal symptoms like insomnia, night sweats, anxiety, loss of appetite, irritability, and major mood swings. I was experiencing all of them. I was also emotionally dysregulated. I dealt with all of these feelings that came bubbling up to the surface like they were waiting for me. After about six days of white-knuckling it,  I broke down and cried. I was so upset I didn't know what to do. Thankfully I had heard of marijuana anonymous. It was like a seed was planted in my brain, months before someone had just mentioned that their daughter was thinking about going to those meetings.  From there, it was like divine intervention. My fingers took over the keyboard and typed in marijuana anonymous online meeting. And there was a meeting happening right then, and I joined the Zoom Room. There were squares of women's faces that were total strangers, and they were sharing bits of their story. I felt like they were reading my diary. Their story was my story. Everything that they said resonated with me. I remember being relieved to have found that space and pissed that I hadn't found it earlier.

Ever since then, I have been going to Marijuana Anonymous meetings online. It has been a very long, difficult journey through recovery and sobriety. Still, my life now is so much better than it was. I sometimes cannot believe how bad things were last summer.

Today, I am the wife that I want to be. I am the parent that I want to be. I am experiencing the little joys with my kids that I used to enjoy. A lot of my healing work has been gaining emotional regulation tools and coping skills. When the toddler stuff happens, I can deal with it a lot better without running away or trying to numb it out.

I'll wrap up by saying that I am not against the use of weed. I look at it just like alcohol. Most people can handle a drink or two; most people can handle recreational use. And some of us become addicted to it. 9% of people who use marijuana become addicted. So that means 91% have no issue at all. I want to be very clear that this is not me disparaging the use of weed or anything like that. Now I have realized that I don't need any substances to make me feel better about myself or feel more confident. I am totally fine with myself, just as I am.

Kristina: Well, first of all, congratulations on your recovery. You have an amazing story, and it's going to be very relatable to many. I'm going to start off by giving the audience a little bit of context. Your story is interesting because I'm in Colorado. Here where I live, marijuana is legal and has been for several years.  Marijuana use is common. I know that's not the view across the United States nor across the world, and I have listeners from all over. It'll be interesting to hear everybody's opinions in the comments about your story and the other things we're about to talk about today.

In Colorado, you can go to a dispensary and get any sort of marijuana you need. There is medical and recreational marijuana available in different forms. You can eat marijuana in what is called an “edible.” You can vape marijuana in a smoking cartridge or smoke the flower, which is the plant itself.  The dispensary’s staff are knowledgeable about weed here in our state also. You can ask the dispensary to recommend a strain that can help many different ailments, from “I need to sleep” to “I need something for my back pain.” Marijuana growth has become a science here in Colorado. Weed is also very acceptable by many here in our state.  Going to be marijuana is just as common as going to a liquor store. In Colorado, many people have replaced their nightly glass of wine at the end of the day with smoking. It'll be interesting to hear other views as I realize that is NOT the way most of the United States.  

I hear your story, and I think, “Wow, very relatable for other parents, especially in Colorado.” When I hear you started smoking in college, again, I think this is very relatable. The University of Colorado at Boulder was even known for its weed back in the day. The bottom line is, we have a reputation here.

I am curious what the audience thinks about the comparison of alcohol and marijuana. The culture in Colorado is different than across the United States. Marijuana also has a reputation for calming the user. You don't hear about many abusive people smoking marijuana, but you hear a whole bunch coming from alcoholics. What do you think about that kind of statement and that comparison?

Amanda: I started using weed to calm down and chill my anxiety. As my use went up and my tolerance went up, it backfired and had the opposite effect. I found myself being more irritable after I had smoked because I was slower. When I was around my kids, toddlers, their yelling and running around and doing all of their toddler things; they felt really annoying. It was actually more annoying when I was high than when I was sober. I have read some information about parents being either physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive on marijuana. There are also incidences of neglect, so marijuana can have its negative side too. When you compare both, you can drink a glass of wine responsibly and smoke responsibly. It is more about the user.

Kristina: How did you realize that you were a marijuana addict?

Amanda: So I did not think that I was an addict until probably my second or third Marijuana Anonymous meeting. I sought out the support of that online space just out of sheer desperation. Getting sober sucks. I knew that it was going to mean some sleepless nights. I knew that it was going to mess up my appetite for a while. But this time, the side effects of quitting were more severe and intense. I was also looking for support emotionally. I was seeing a therapist, too, but I needed additional help.

I remember being in my second or third meeting listening to the stories. At the beginning of most meetings, they read 12 questions called You Might Be A Marijuana Addict If _______. I answered yes to  11 out of 12 questions! I thought, “Hmm, okay, that's interesting,” When it was my turn to speak, I surprisingly called myself a recovering marijuana addict. It just hit me one day.  When the words just came out of my mouth, and I was like, Whoa, I need to sit with that! Am I really identifying?

Now there were times before when I thought I had a problem.  I identify as a stoner, which was one of the things I had to grieve: losing that identity. I loved the idea of being a buttoned-up professional and a mom by day and a cool, laid-back stoner at night.

Kristina: How has this impacted your parenting specifically? What lessons did you learn?

Amanda: My first lesson was understanding. One of my biggest character defects is my tendency to sit in the well of victimhood and self-pity. As a parent, I would tell myself that I deserve the reward of smoking weed for my good parenting efforts, like waking up in the middle of the night. I would constantly play the victim and felt I was dealt this difficult deck of cards in my life. Of course, everyone is going to have challenges as a parent. Identifying that character defect and realizing I didn't have to live my life like that was a game-changer for me.

The other way that this has impacted me as a parent is my ability to be present. Things got weird in the pandemic as it did for many people, and I was reaching for my relief button.  Things were really hard around me at that time. I can give myself self-compassion, empathy, and grace for my past. Today, I don't feel the need to do that. Even when things are very difficult, I have gained the coping mechanisms and emotional regulation skills to do what I need to do to take care of myself and my feelings. Sometimes before I can take care of my kids, I have to put on an extra 30 minute Cocoa Melon episode. At the same time, I go do a quick meditation or write a gratitude list. And, yes, my kids got more screen time but, mommy's regulation was the priority in that scenario. I also stopped judging myself quite so harshly as a mother. This change in perspective helped me open up for more love and availability to my kids. I'm still in recovery. I am still learning. I'm also hopeful that it will continue to impact my family positively moving forward.

Kristina: What do you regret?

Amanda: It's a good question. If I could go back and change things, certain little things make me wish that they could have gone differently. At the same time, I truly believe that that's what led me to where I am today. So, I guess to answer that question, my only regret is not getting help sooner.

Kristina: If people listen to your story and resonate with what you're saying, what do you suggest they do after listening to this episode?

Amanda: I love that question. I would say to start with a quick Google search and find a 12 step program that will work for you.  One of the benefits of this pandemic is that many of these recovery support groups have gone online. There is a meeting happening at any given moment of the day.  In these meetings, you don't have to say a thing. You don't even have to turn your camera on. You can plug into a meeting, keep yourself on mute, and just listen.

Kristina: You are also a podcast host.  How do people find you if they want more from Amanda?

Amanda: My show is Finding Your village, and it's about birth postpartum and parent mental health. The goal of the show is to make the early days of parenting more connected.

Kristina: Thank you for being here, Amanda, and sharing your story. 

Audience, if you have an inspiring story and want to share your story with the audience so that others can learn from you, please go to that impactful parent website which is theimpactfulparent.com. Go to the Work With Me page, scroll down to the bottom, and you can sign up too!  But until next time, parents, you got this. I am just here to help.

-----------------------A Mom Addicted To Marijuana----------------------------------

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30 minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

098: ”Tell My Story,” were his last words.

Here are the links from today’s episode "Tell My Story," were his last words: chooselife.org and tellmystoryfilm.com

IF YOU HAVE A STORY OF INSPIRATION AND LEARNING and want to share your story with The Impactful Parent community, let’s talk!  Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/work-with-me and sign up for a quick phone call to tell me what your story is all about!  We want to learn from you too!

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for  "Tell My Story," were his last words:

Kristina: Welcome, Jason Reid. Jason will talk to us about the importance of paying attention to your child's mental health.

Jason is a very successful entrepreneur, but his life changed and flipped upside down in March 2018 when his son, Ryan, took his own life. Today, Jason is the founder of chooselife.org. An organization focused on ending teen suicide by helping parents own their child's mental health. He has an amazing short documentary called Tell My Story, which is Ryan's last request to his family. Thank you for being on stage, Jason.

Jason: Thank you for having me here.

Kristina: Let's start with your story. Tell us about what happened and how you got here.

Jason: Yeah. Well, let me start by saying, never in a million years did I think it'd be here. My life was on track. It was great. My wife and I have four kids. Ryan was the youngest. He just turned 14. Kim and I were away for her birthday weekend. We had dinner that night talking about how great our life was.

And that night, after getting back from dinner. Ryan texted all the family members individually to say goodbye.  Then he took his own life at our house. It was something I never expected. And it's something that I always thought happen to other people. It doesn't happen to people like me.

That is the fallacy that we all live by; this kind of thing happens to other people. We think that kids who take their own life come from poor families. They come from bad families. They have some trauma in their lives that caused them to think that way, to do those kinds of things, and that's not what happens. I can guarantee you that Ryan's life was not that way.  In fact, he got straight A's, he was a great kid, and everybody loved him. He's funny. And there were no signs. At least, I didn't think there were signs.

There were signs, though. I just didn't know what to look for because I have never focused on my kid's mental health. I didn't think I had to.

A few weeks after Ryan passed, I was going through his drawers searching…. searching for something, and in the top left drawer, I found a note. I opened it up. The note said, "Here's my username and passwords. Tell my story."

Kristina:  That was Ryan's last request then.  That is so powerful.

Jason: What I've done since Ryan's death, I've been on a journey to discover what went wrong for me and how I can stop it from happening to other parents, like you. 

So I did a movie called Tell My Story. I'm not gonna lie. It's a hard documentary to watch. In the movie, I talked to parents and kids across the West Coast, that experienced this and got their stories.

Kristina: And what did you learn in that process? What was the message that came across that these kids want their parents to do?

Jason: It's a great question. They want you to do the opposite of what you think you should do. They want you to ask questions, listen, love them, not judge them, and not try to fix them. That's what I learned, amongst a whole bunch of other things.

I'm a CEO. I own companies across the United States. I do a whole bunch of different things. I've been very successful. I've written a bunch of books. None of that stuff matters now.

I fix things for a living. I coach CEOs. People come with problems, and I fix them. Tell me what's going on in your life. I'll tell you how to fix it. (My wife hates that about me, lol.)

The problem is, that is what I wanted to do with my kids too.  If a child comes up to me and says, I broke up with my girlfriend. I'm really sad, and I hate this. I can't deal with it," my natural reaction is to say, "It's not that bad. There's a bunch of people out there. You're only 15. It doesn't matter. You're going to go through 100 other people in your life before you get married. Don't worry about this." I think other parents are similar. I hope other parents hear me right now because I need to tell them that this was one of my big mistakes.

I know parents want to help their children, but that isn't the way to do it.  In fact, the minute that you start telling them that their problems aren't too bad, the less likely they're going to tell you anything.

Kristina: We need to validate how they feel.

Jason: Exactly. In their world, those problems are the most important things. It may be insignificant for us, but to them, it means a lot.  Your child will shut down if you don't give their problems significance.

Also, children can't cope as well.  Their lives come crashing down around them because they haven't developed coping skills yet. They don't need a lecture.  They need love and support. 

The biggest thing I've learned is that we can reverse what's going on here. This trajectory of suicide going up and mental health problems going through the roof can be fixed. We can absolutely change the path, but it's not the way you think we're gonna change it.  It's going to be us, as parents, who change.  We need to own our kids' mental health the same way we own their physical health.

When your child has a stomach ache, you take them to the doctor. We need to treat children's mental health the same way. If your child comes to you and says, "I'm depressed, and I'm sad," we have to take the time to talk to them and possibly get them professional help.

I've never been depressed. I don't understand it. I know it's okay to be sad. I get sad, but the difference between being sad and being depressed is, you get sad for a day. You get depressed for days on end. Even though I don't understand depression, I learned that it is still something to take seriously. Parents can't ignore it. 

I learned that one person might look outside the window and see sunny skies while someone else might look out the same window and only see clouds.  I learned that there's nothing I'm going to say to make them believe those clouds don't exist. The correct answer I've learned is, tell me about those clouds.

What do those clouds look like? Explain it to me. Describe them to me. Why do you think the clouds are there? Ask questions and listen. Don't judge. Don't tell them how much their life is so much better than they think it is. They don't want to hear it, and they're not going to hear it. Instead, parents need to take their child's sadness seriously, listen to their problems, and get them to help if needed.

That's how we own our kids' mental health. We get kids to talk and share how they feel. Talk about those clouds in the sky and describe them to us and tell us why they think they're there and ask if there's anything to help make them go away.

Kristina: Yes.  And if they say there's nothing we can do, then you sit and listen more.

Jason: And if you are worried, don't be afraid to ask the question: How bad is this? Have you thought about hurting yourself?

Kristina: You can't be afraid to ask those questions. You're not putting the idea in their head. You're being a concerned parent. You have to ask directly, How do you feel right now? Do you feel like you want to hurt yourself?

Jason: Are you feeling that way now? Did you feel that way in the past? Tell me about the last time you felt that way?

If they say they want to hurt themselves, ask more questions. Do you have a plan? How long has this been happening?

Kristina: Parents, you could take your child to the emergency room of any hospital. They will assess your child to see how far into the process of wanting to hurt themselves that they are on. It could be the most important hospital visit that you'll make. The hospital may end up saying it's not critical and send you home but, it's still showing your child you care enough to take them there.

If your child is evaluated and considered a suicide risk, the hospital will send your child to a place where they can stay for a few days and not hurt themselves.  Those special hospitals will have therapists on staff. Your child will be monitored 24/7, and your child will be in a special section of the hospital reserved for children under 18.

I'm gonna ask you, Jason, were there any warning signs for Ryan?  

Jason: I wish I could say that there weren't any warning signs for Ryan, but it is more realistic to say that I missed them.  I have to live with that every day, and it pains me, but I missed them.

Ryan was more withdrawn. He spent more time in his room. He was quicker to snap than he used to be. I thought he was just a grumpy kid. I thought he was a grumpy teenager.  My other teens were grumpy, too, so I dismissed that as a sign.  Ryan also was physically ill because he had Crohn's disease. I figured a lot of his anger was around that, but it probably wasn't.

I never took the time to really ask him what was going on.

I asked him how you are doing, and he would say fine, so I took his response at face value.  That is a big mistake we make as parents. We don't talk to our kids.

So, looking back on it, I could have done a much better job of talking to my kid.  And don't get me wrong, I had a great relationship with Ryan. We hung out together. We traveled together. We were planning our trip to Washington in the summertime,  just the two of us. Those plans were made the week before he died for the following year. We had a great relationship.

Now, I'd like to give you a few tips.  I know many people are probably saying, I want to talk to my kids, but they don't want to talk to me. I get it. So let me tell you a couple of things that I've learned from that.

The first thing is, as parents, we have a tendency to want to talk to them when WE want to talk. That's not going to happen. They're only going to talk to us when THEY want to talk to us. And it's inherently inconvenient when they want to talk to us. So the first thing you don't want to do is barge into their room and demand a conversation. By the way, I know you own the house. I know you pay for everything. I know that everything in that room you bought. I get it. But when we barge into that room, your child feels violated. That's the only little sacred space they have. That's all. Yeah. And now you've just barged in.

You know your kids. You know there are times when they're gonna want to talk to you and when they don't. Talk to them on the drive to school, the drive home, while you're making dinner, go for a walk, invite them to a sporting game, whatever your child wants. Don't try to get him to talk when they don't want to talk. They're not going to. That's when you get the "I’m fine” only.

Then, capitalize on the time when they do want to talk and go deep. Put down your cell phone, and cancel a phone call or night out. If your child is willing to talk to you, talk to them. Your child may only be willing to open up and talk to you once every couple of weeks. Seize those moments! Ask questions and listen. And the more you ask questions, listen, do not judge them, and not lecture them, they will talk to you more.

Here’s another mistake I made. I showed up as a guy who had it all figured out. Let me explain.

I've got companies. I've written books. I’m a black belt, Iron Man kind of guy. I am CEO, yada yada yada. It doesn't matter. I never cried in front of my kids. I showed up as everything is good. In reality, I have failed dozens of projects over the years. I have been nearly bankrupt two or three times. I questioned whether I'm enough to do what I do. But that's not what Ryan saw.  That wasn't how I showed up to my kids and my family. My wife never knew all the stuff I was going through. I kept it from my family. Why? I wanted to make sure my family had a good life.

Unfortunately, Ryan saw me as the guy who always had it figured out. He thought I never had a problem and never cried. When Ryan had a problem, Ryan cried. Ryan had fears. Eventually, Ryan thought that something was wrong with him.  So, my advice is to share your feelings with your kids. Share what you're going through. They need to understand that life isn't great all the time. It's okay to have a bad day at work. It’s ok to have your boss yell at you because you did something stupid. It’s ok to feel sad.

Lastly, remember that when kids go so far as to take their own lives, they don't want to leave you. They don't want to die. They want the pain to go away. Usually, the pain is so strong that it overcomes their willingness to stay here.

Oh- and one more quick thing! Regarding social media, all the kids I talked to said that social media was a terrible place for them. Their brains can't understand that someone’s beautiful post is not real and that beautiful post doesn’t really represent that person’s real life. They assume that everybody's life is awesome besides theirs. Plus, most kids get bullied on Instagram and bullied on Facebook. I would think twice about giving my kid a social media account. I also believe that the parent owns that phone.  You have the right to see it anytime you want. 

And the final piece on that from my end is that I do not believe that a child needs a browser on their phone before age 15. Take the browser off the phone, or get an app to block the browser. Why do I feel that way?

It's pretty simple. I didn't think about the browser on the phone I gave Ryan.  He was a good kid.  I wasn’t worried about him searching for things he shouldn’t.  I wasn’t worried about porn or rated R content.  I didn’t think Ryan would do that, and he didn’t. Ryan used that phone to take his own life. He researched different ways to kill himself on that phone. So, take the browser off the phone.

Kristina: I'd like to know where families can go for support. If they're resonating with your story and want to watch your short documentary, where should they go?

Jason: There is a lot of local groups that provide support. I would start there. Google support groups for families.  Chooselife.org has my Ted Talks and links to the movie.  Everything you want to search for you will find online.  It’s amazing. You will find many great organizations. Do your research for help specific to your needs.  And to watch Tell My Story, go to tellmystoryfilm.com

Kristina: Thank you so much for being here today, Jason.

-----------------------"Tell My Story," were his last words.---------------------------------------

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

099: What Is A Good Curfew For A Teenager?

It is Question and Answer LIVE and today's question was: What Is A Good Curfew For A Teenager?

Here are the links from today’s episode:

• Podcast Link:  https://theimpactfulparent.com/apple
• Website Link:  https://theimpactfulparent.com

**This episode was broadcasted live on YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram.  Submissions for Q&A Thursday can be either emailed to The Impactful Parent directly or direct messaged through any of these social media platforms.  Submissions can be anonymous and are never mentioned in the Live Recording to respect the privacy of The Impactful Parent audience.  Email:  theimpactfulparent@gmail.com

Don't forget to check out all the FREE resources and tips that The Impactful Parent has to offer!  https://theimpactfulparent.com  Links to the YouTube channel and social media post are there too!  Join The impactful Parent community by signing up for the weekly newsletter. Don't miss an impactful tip!

Make an authentic connection with your child. Try a FREE 30 Day Challenge. You'll receive a new question to ask your child every day- for 30 days. Get away from the boring questions and start connecting with your child one question at a time! https://theimpactfulparent.com/connection

Follow The Impactful Parent on social Media! Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

Transcript for What Is A Good Curfew For A Teenager?  :

What is a good curfew for my teenager?

It is question and answer day and today's question is: What is a good curfew for my teenager? So today, I am going to give you tips on how to make an appropriate curfew for your child.  Let's get started!

Curfew is another one of those parenting choices that we have to make individually for each child.  Since every child is different, curfews may be different also. Don't feel that if you have multiple children that each child has to have the same curfew! Parenting is done best when we individualize rules and expectations according to the needs of each child and don't generalize the rules to fit everyone.

So the question today really leans to, How do I make a good curfew for my teenager?

The first thing to consider is how much structure and boundaries your child needs. What kind of maturity level are they at?  This question is completely independent of the child's age.  I know some very mature 13-year-olds and some very immature 16-year-olds.   I suggest you ask yourself these questions and pick a comfortable time for you as the parent. Then, this is the base curfew you're going to start out with.  After the base curfew  is established, your teen will need to prove to you their consistent responsibility to keep that curfew to "earn" a later curfew.  You can tell your child, "Get home on time and respect the curfew for a month and that will show me you can act responsibly, then we can discuss extending curfew times." Once later curfews are earned by good behavior, responsible decisions, open communication, and no rule-breaking. You can negotiate longer curfew times increasing in 30-minute increments at a time.

Keep in mind that your comfort level should be based MORE on the child's maturity and not your fears and what you did in the dark as a teenager.  You are already going to be biased about your comfort level, depending on your own teenage experiences. Still, you don't just assume your child is going to be just like you. That's not fair to them.  Instead, base your choice on their history of decision-making, interests, and responsibility.

Also, consider that an 8pm curfew for a 17-year-old may be doing your child a disservice.  I know this is an extreme example, but if we are too overprotective with our children, they will never get the life experience they need to navigate adulthood.

The next thing to consider when making a curfew for your child is: What are they doing? This is where the open and honest communication from your child comes into play and builds your trust so that they may negotiate a later curfew with you later.  Explain that to your child.  GPS features for your child's phone are also a helpful tool for keeping them honest and keeping you in the loop of where they are. However, I STILL have my children call and tell me their location, even though I can just look it up on the GPS.  Kids that call home and tell their parents when they change locations build additional trust with their mom and dad.  Plus, telling someone where you are is a good safety habit to develop.

Parents also want to consider the safety of the neighborhood where their child is spending time.  The possibility of crime and bad influences can definitely play a role in your curfew time decision.

Which brings me to the question you are probably thinking, What time is too late? What time does my child need to be home, and they simply can't stay out any longer than that? Period.  Well, that number depends on the legal curfew of your city and the city where your child is spending time. There are juvenile curfew laws that prohibit kids under 18 from spending time in public after certain hours.  Similarly, some jurisdictions set limits on when teens can drive at night.  These laws should be the guidelines for your non-negotiable max curfew limit.

Those are my suggestions for how to make your curfew boundaries. Still, of course, nothing in parenting is ever that easy.  Here are some other quick things to think about.

• Don't forget to consider the amount of sleep your child needs to be healthy. Most doctors recommend 8-10 hours for teens at minimum. If your child has an early appointment Saturday morning, then curfew Friday night might have to be earlier too.
• Don't forget to come to an agreement with your co-parenting partner ahead of time so that the two, three, or four of you can be on a united front. I know many divorced parents have "dad’s house rules and mom’s house rules,” but in this case, it is better to have the same curfew at both houses IF you can.
• And my last recommendation and probably the most important one is to clearly communicate your child's expectations about the curfew, calling home, what happens if you’re running late. The consequences of running late BEFORE your teen ever leaves the house. You have to make sure they understand your expectations by repeating those expectations back to you verbally.  Don’t assume they know.  Setting consequences for missed curfews should be done BEFORE your child even leaves the house also.  When children know what will happen if they miss curfew beforehand, they are less likely to make those bad decisions.  Telling your child, “You will be in trouble if you are late,” doesn’t cut it.  You need to actually tell them what will happen.  What will their punishment be? And then hold your child to the exact time you want them home and the consequences for missing the mark. If they do come home late, wait until the morning to discuss what happened.  Screaming, arguing, or lecturing in the middle of the night when emotions are high, rarely ends well.  The morning time presents a better opportunity to have a conversation and implement the consequences of their actions.

Now you might be asking, what do you do, Kristina? Well, I vary my curfew depending on my child, their behaviors, and the occasion.  I don’t have a set curfew that says you always have to be home by 10.  Instead, I vary curfew depending on what my child is doing, what is happening the next day, and if they are in good standing with their responsibilities.  My children earn later curfew times and get early curfew times if they haven’t made good choices.

I hope that helps you today!  Please share this episode with someone who needs it, subscribe, and comment with your thoughts and curfew suggestions.  Then don’t forget to subscribe to the Impactful Parenting Podcast and check out the online free resources at theimpactfulparent.com

You got this parents, I am just here to help.

-------------What Is A Good Curfew For A Teenager?--------------

What to do next:

1. Subscribe to The Impactful Parent Newsletter so you won’t miss a parenting tip that can help you! This once-a-week newsletter comes out Sunday mornings and you can unsubscribe at any time.  No obligation. No Spam.  Just your favorite parenting tips! Newsletter sign-up link here.
2. Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST and/or the YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Podcast link & YouTube link
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30 minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!