Parenting Stories, Struggles and Strategies for Moms and Dads of School-aged Children, Teenagers, and Impactful Parents

170: Loner, Introvert, Or Warning Sign?

Loner, Introvert, or Warning Sign?

Episode 2 of 3 in the series: How Do We Stop Gun Violence And School Shootings?

This is a replay of a LIVE Chat rooms on Clubhouse. Clubhouse is an auto app where I host a parenting room each Friday at 12pm EST.

Rodrigo Bravo (certified mediator), Dali Rivera (bully prevention coach), and myself, decided to host a 3 part series of discussions to bring awareness and prevention to gun violence and school shootings. This series was inspired by the unfortunate events in Uvalde, Texas on May 24, 2022 where an 18 years old boy fatally shot nineteen students and two teachers at Robb Elementary School.

If you want to join me on Clubhouse, you can! Download the Clubhouse app and search for me @impactfulparent. The app is free and so are the discussions I hold. You are welcome to come and join the next conversation!

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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

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Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

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169: Warning Signs Of Troubled Teens

Warning Signs Of Troubled Teens

Episode 1 of 3 in the series: How Do We Stop Gun Violence And School Shootings?

This is a replay of a LIVE Chat rooms on Clubhouse. Clubhouse is an auto app where I host a parenting room each Friday at 12pm EST.

Rodrigo Bravo (certified mediator), Dali Rivera (bully prevention coach), and myself, decided to host a 3 part series of discussions to bring awareness and prevention to gun violence and school shootings. This series was inspired by the unfortunate events in Uvalde, Texas on May 24, 2022 where an 18 years old boy fatally shot nineteen students and two teachers at Robb Elementary School.

If you want to join me on Clubhouse, you can! Download the Clubhouse app and search for me @impactfulparent. The app is free and so are the discussions I hold. You are welcome to come and join the next conversation!

------

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

--------

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

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168: Why Children Need To Be Outside

Why Children Need To Be Outside

Sandi Schwartz gives 5 reasons why parents need to encourage their children to get outside! Sandi also gives parents tips for encouraging kids to be outdoors and even gives a FREE PDF Calendar that provides parents daily ideas for outdoor engagement.

Sandi Schwartz is the founder of Ecohappiness Project, author of Finding Ecohappiness: Fun Nature Activities to Help Your Kids Feel Happier and Calmer, and co-author of Sky's Search for Ecohappiness.

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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

www.ecohappinessproject.com for your freebie from Sandi and more information about her services

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Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

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Podcast Summary of Why Children Need To Be Outside

Sandi Schwartz gives 5 reasons why parents need to encourage their children to get outside! Sandi also gives parents tips for encouraging kids to be outdoors and even gives a FREE PDF Calendar that provides parents daily ideas for outdoor engagement.

 

About Sandi: Sandi Schwartz is the founder of Ecohappiness Project, author of Finding Ecohappiness: Fun Nature Activities to Help Your Kids Feel Happier and Calmer, and co-author of Sky's Search for Ecohappiness.

 

5 Reasons Why Children Need To Be Outside

1. Getting kids off screens. 
2. Improving physical health
3. Improving mental health
4. Boosting academic performance
5. Better sleep

Sandi also discusses ways that parents can encourage their children to get outside when they are resisting. She even provides the audience with 2 free resources. Watch the episode and get your free parenting resources today! 

Become a more impactful parent!

167: What is inside that VAPE PEN: nicotine or marijuana?

What is inside that VAPE PEN: nicotine or marijuana?

Kristina Campos, the founder of The Impactful Parent, talks to parents about the popularity of adolescents vaping.... but do you know what is inside that vape pen? It could be nicotine. It could be marijuana. This episode talks about the vape pen, why you don't want your childing vaping any substance, and what parents can do to encourage kids to make a better choice.

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

 

Podcast Transcript: What is inside that VAPE PEN: nicotine or marijuana?

Is this nicotine, or is this marijuana? Many parents don't know. You're not alone. They look the same. They smell similar.

As if having a teenager wasn't stressful enough, gone are the days when parents used to primarily worry about their teen drinking and smoking cigarettes. Now, there are more concerns. Vaping and marijuana use are very popular, and if you are thinking, "Not my kid," you need to pull your head out of the sand.

Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous. 

Today, I will talk to you about vaping and marijuana. I will explain why YOU need to get educated on this subject, how you can tell if your child is partaking in these substances and stick around to the end because I will also give you tips for preventing and stopping your teenager from using them. Let's get started!

Vaping is nicotine consumption. Marijuana is a drug. Why am I grouping these two substances together if they are two completely different things? For 2 reasons. The first is that both substances are extremely popular among our young people. Second, from the outside, they look the same. The smoking cartridges of nicotine and marijuana appear the same from the outside, so if you find one of these devices in your house, you won't know what's inside unless you smoke it yourself or have enough knowledge to open up the cartridge and understand the differences. Here are some of the most common types of vape pens you might find.

One of the most common questions I get from parents is, "Why is my child doing this?" Aside from peer pressure, there is a popular misconception among young people that these substances will not hurt them. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Kids also love vape pens (whether nicotine or marijuana inside) because when you smoke them, they taste sweet and smell nice. Additives are put inside the smoking devices resulting in a more pleasurable experience. Marijuana and cigarettes don't smell stinky anymore. Now they smell and taste like bubble gum, grape, and various flavors. Children think, how can anything so nice be harmful? Couple this with the tobacco industry spending billions and billions of dollars annually to market their products to your child. It is no surprise that kids love vaporizing pens.

But let's get out of la-la land and into reality. You don't want your child consuming nicotine or marijuana, especially today, because these are not the same "cigarettes and weed" of our day. They are much more potent, and that means much more dangerous. So, if you're a parent thinking, "I know it's bad, but we all did it when we were younger. I smoked cigarettes, and I smoked a bowl here and there when I was young, and I turned out ok." You need to understand that the substances of today are not like what you were smoking when you were a kid. One cartridge of nicotine in a vape pen is equivalent to 13-30 traditional cigarettes. That means that vaping nicotine is much more addictive. Marijuana has also evolved into a potent drug. Sure, kids can still smoke the flower, but now there are so many other options.

Marijuana edibles can easily be overdosed and make you sick because their effects don't hit you immediately. This means, many kids take one. When they don't feel anything after an hour, they take another. Before you know it, they are so high they can't walk and throw up. Or another way to consume marijuana is through concentrates. Concentrates are found in vape pens and in a smoking method called dabbing. Concentrates have an extreme amount of THC content. For example, a top-shelf flower that you may have smoked from a bowl, bong, or pipe has about 20% THC. Dabbing and vape pens have 40-80% THC concentrations. This means you can get much higher in one hit and also get the negative effects of the drug more easily.

The next common question I get from parents is, "How can I tell if my teen is using these substances?" Aside from finding the physical evidence of vape pens, pipes and lighters, I tell parents that they need to know their children well and notice behaviors when they start to change. Unfortunately, the most common signs of drug use are signs of normal teenage behavior, but drug use signals are amplified. Most teens will go through a phase of mood swings, agitation, and impulsivity, but drug use will make these warning signs more apparent. Don't dismiss these behaviors as "normal" unless they are subtle, few, and far between. I suggest airing on the side of caution, not dismissal. This is why a good relationship with your adolescent is critical to catch early warning signs. You need to know your teen well and be on the alert.

In addition, you can be aware of changes in your child's behaviors such as carelessness with grooming, changes in grades, skipping school, losing interest in favorite activities, and changes in eating and sleeping habits. Look out for relationship problems with family and friends also. Suppose your child has recently smoked marijuana and is trying to come down from their high when you see them. In that case, you may be able to spot their bloodshot eyes and have a smell of sweet fragrance on their clothes. Your child may appear dizzy or uncoordinated. They may seem silly and giggly for no reason and have difficulty remembering things that just happened.

Many kids who try to cover up vaping nicotine or marijuana use incense and other deodorizers to mask the smell of their vape pen. They could also be buying eye drops for their backpack and medicine cabinet. Look out for these items and start taking notice. One easy sign many parents miss is the child wearing graphic tees promoting drugs.

Lastly, let's talk about prevention. It isn't easy, but it is the most important thing you can do. Here are 5 steps parents can take to prevent their child from vaping marijuana or nicotine.

1. Be a good role model. Your child will never listen to you if you smoke or don't walk the walk yourself. They just won't. Kids are watching and learning more by what you do than by what you say.
2. Talk about the risks of partaking in vaping any substance. Don't just leave this conversation to the schools. You must have this conversation yourself, even if they roll their eyes and count down the seconds until you're done with your spill. Tell them how marijuana actually reduces their cognitive function PERMENTANTLY because their brain is still developing, and smoking kills brain cells. Tell them how 1 in 6 teens will develop a substance use disorder. Discuss the statistics that show that adolescents who use weed are more likely to try other risky drugs and have risky behaviors that can ruin their life.
3. Talk to your child about the myths about vaping. Discuss how marijuana and nicotine are addictive and harmful to their health. Just because marijuana is a plant and perhaps even considered 'natural' doesn't mean it can't harm them. Discuss how not everyone is using these substances even though they may feel like it. And dispel any other false beliefs they might have.
4. Have these conversations at least once a year. Don't talk about it once and think you did your due diligence. Revisit these topics every year or when the need arises.
5. Roleplay and discuss ways your child can say no when facing peer pressure. Help them think of good 'one-liners' that will get them out of a situation they don't feel comfortable with, and then rehearse these lines often. Also, practice talking with body language by rehearsing those excuses with a confident posture and strong voice infliction. Consider talking about what will happen if they make a wrong choice and find themselves in a compromised state. What should they do? Who should they call? Where should they go?

Many teenagers will experiment and do what they are going to do. Still, suppose you can arm them with the right information and the ability to make a better choice more easily. In that case, you are increasing their chances for success.

If this information was valuable for you today, BECOME a more impactful parent by downloading The Impactful Parent App. The Impactful Parent app is FREE and full of episodes like this one that will help you in your parenting journey. Investing in your family looks like learning the warning signs of certain behaviors so you can stop bad things before they start, discovering new parenting techniques to make your parenting more effective, and joining a community of like-minded parents that also want to be the best parent they can for their child. All this, plus so much more, can be found inside The Impactful Parent app, so download it today. You got nothing to lose with this free parenting resource. Go to theimpactfulparent.com and discover how you can step up your parenting game and be a more impactful parent.

 But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.

166: How Essential Oils Can Help Your Family

How Essential Oils Can Help Your Family

Georgia Mulliss, mom of 3, tells her personal story of how essential oils helped her family get out of crisis mode. Georgia was a non-believer when she started using essential oils in a "grasping at straws" attempt to help her family, and was amazed when using essential oils really worked!

Today, Georgia is a believer in the power of essential oils and she speaks about how every parent can incorporate essential oils into their home to improve the wellness of their family. This videos comes with a FREEBIE by Georgia Mulliss found inside the Impactful Parent app! The app is free to download and available on the Google & Apple App stores.

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

 

Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

 

165: How To Get A Teenager To Listen

How To Get A Teenager To Listen

Kristina Campos, the founder of The Impactful Parent, talks about Mathew Hussey's 7 tips for making a bigger influence. Kristina translates Mathew's suggestions to share how parents can get their teenager to listen. This is a MUST-SEE episode for anyone wanting to create a bigger influence in their teen's life and well being.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

www.howtogettheguy.com for more from Mathew Hussey

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Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

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Transcript for How To Get A Teenager To Listen

Oh man, my teenager is making bad choices. Stupid choices, actually. When are they going to learn? I tried giving my teen advice, but all they do is roll their eyes and look the other way. It's like I'm talking to a wall. Mistake after mistake… one of these days, their mistake will be really bad, which terrifies me. How can I get my teenager to listen to me?

Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous. 

Most parents are bracing themselves for those teenage years. Those years when you expect rebellion and bad choices. But let me tell you a little-known secret…. Your child doesn't have to rebel. Adolescent years are about finding your own way and discovering the world through experiences. Your child doesn't want to rebel against you, but they want some say in their own lives. They want the power to make their own choices. If you don't allow your child to make their own choices, this is when rebellion rears its ugly head.

As children grow older and the exchange of power shifts from parent to child, the parent will eventually lose total control. INFLUENCE is the only thing that remains after the child is old enough to rebel and take care of themselves. Yep, I said it. Parents can not force their children to do anything they don't want to do after a certain age. Parents will lose control. The mom and dad may try to make the child's life so miserable that the only desirable choice for the adolescent is to comply; however, in the end, it is still the child's choice to comply.

So if influence is the parent's best "playing card" to have a say in a teenager's life and help them make better decisions, how can parents create the most influence? This is the golden question!

Today, I will tell you HOW to create the most influence when talking to your child and stick around to the end because this episode is a must-see for any parent with a school-aged child. Let's get started!

I was scrolling through my Instagram not too long ago, and I stopped on a video of one of my favorite relationship coach's posts, Mathew Hussey. Mathew Hussey helps women "Get The Guy" by coaching females in relationship advice.

In this episode, Mathew teaches 7 Powerful People Skills To Make You Stand Out. This episode is a little off the beaten path of Mathew's typical advice. Still, as I watched, I thought to myself, THIS IS EXACTLY what parents need to know to make a bigger influence on their teenagers. This is the essence of how you get a teenager to listen! So, the 7 steps I am teaching today are not my own. They are Mathew Hussey's 7 steps, but I will translate his advice into the parenting world for you today so you can make a difference in your household.

Mathew Hussey's Advice #1: Silence is a virtue. Too often, parents don't listen to their kids. They might THINK they are listening to their kids, but they are really listening to respond instead of hearing their child's point of view.

It is not easy to truly listen. You must sit in silence and allow the other person to talk, resisting the urge to say your two cents until the other person is completely done with their thoughts. Most teens don't talk to their parents much, but they have a lot to say when they do. So, listen to your teenager. The only way to do this is to sit in silence.

Mathew Hussey's Advice #2: Fight the urge to interrupt. This piece of advice goes along with advice number 1. How can you listen to your child if you interrupt their train of thought and start talking? You can't. You have to let them finish talking before you respond. Before you even open your mouth, let them get out the whole story, all their feelings, concerns, and ideas. Fight the urge to respond until they have paused for 5 seconds. 5 seconds is a long time when you're in the middle of a conversation. (pause for 5 seconds. Count in your head and feel how long it takes).

I will let you in on another little secret. Even when teens are talking to you, they don't really want your opinion at that moment. Instead, they want to be heard. They want someone to help them but not make choices for them. They need someone to tell them they will be ok, they are on the right track, and that someone cares about what they are going through. Many parents hear their child complaining and immediately want to "fix" everything. They go into advice mode or say, "when I was your age…." But stop. You will get your opportunity to speak, but that opportunity does not come until AFTER the teenager has spilled out all they had to say.

Mathew Hussey's Advice #3: Attack with humility. When it is time to speak, parents need to structure their advice to sound like a suggestion and not a command. Teens don't want to be told what to do. They want to make their own choices. So if you want your child to listen to you, it is best not to come off as aggressive. Instead, ask your teenager, "Would you like to hear my point of view?" or "Would you like some advice?" or "Can I tell you how it sounds from the outside?" Then, Mathew Hussey recommends you structure your opinion with these words, "I am going to lay out my opinion, and you tell me why I am wrong." I love this suggestion by Mathew because it allows you to express your own feelings and guidance and still gives the child an opportunity to take your advice or leave it. Also, it even keeps the door open for more conversation and opinions to be discussed. Now the teenager doesn't feel like you're trying to control them. Instead, they feel like you're trying to help.

Mathew Hussey's Advice #4: Don't be a know-it-all. This is one of the biggest turn-offs for teenagers and the quickest way to get ignored. Teens will even purposefully ignore your advice to prove you wrong if this is how they perceive you. Besides that, parents don't need to know all the answers! It's ok to not know what to do and not be able to give help. In fact, allowing your child to solve their own problems and learn to navigate tricky waters is a good thing! You are there to support them! That alone is enough. You don't have to fix everything and know all the answers!

Mathew Hussey's Advice #5: Let your arguments wade in before you do. Mathew explains that sometimes when we disagree with what someone says, we immediately jump in and say, "I think this…." But the truth is, teens may not want to know what you think. Sometimes, our job as parents is to add value to the conversation by presenting to our teenagers a different perspective or the other side of the story, but NOT to put forward our own personal bias. Mathew suggests that one of the things you can say when you disagree with your teen is, "I think there's a couple of things worth considering here." This line allows your teenager to be open to what you're about to say because you haven't made them wrong by telling them other points of view. This is extremely important and brings me to #6.

Mathew Hussey's Advice #6: Argue with the argument, not the person. If your teenager thinks you are attacking their ideas, you will be immediately shut out. They will go into fight or flight mode, and now you might as well be the teacher in Charlie Brown's classroom, "Wha Wha Wha." Even if you completely disagree with your teen's perspective, you can't come out and tell them they are wrong. Instead, Mathew suggests you say something like, "Here is my issue with that." You have to make the argument your opponent meanwhile keeping your child as an ally. This means expressing your opposing opinions in the third person and not directing opposition at the child. No wagging fingers. No loud tone. No aggressive words. The bottom line is that your child can't feel attacked.

Mathew Hussey's Advice #7: Don't oversell your point. Mathew's last tip is about your victory. If you do all 6 steps correctly, your teen will actually hear you. They might even start nodding and say, "Thank you, you're right." When this happens, don't boost! That's going to revert you back to appearing like a know-it-all. You don't want that, remember!

It will also be your natural reaction to reiterate that "ah ha" amazing point. Don't do that! Repeating what your teen has already heard only annoys them! You don't need to repeat yourself. In fact, saying it only once is much more powerful and allows teens to let that idea sink into their heads. They need time to process your new idea and ask questions. If you start talking again, you aren't allowing them to do that.

If you thought today's advice was beneficial, I recommend you follow Mathew Hussey online. You can find him on Instagram @themathewhussey or his website at www.howtogettheguy.com. His work is brilliant, and his niche is helping single women find love and confidence.

But until next time, you got this parents. I am just here to help.

 

164: When Parenting Doesn’t Go As Planned: Turning the hardships into success

When Parenting Doesn't Go As Planned

Jodi Schilling tells her personal story about parenting not going as planned for her and her husband. She tells a story of having a child with autism, a child with learning challenges, and more challenges repeatedly coming her way. Jodi also tells a story of coping, loving her family for what it is, and rising together in love for success. This heart-felt episode is not only relatable but also inspiring. Jodi gives practical advice to parents facing adversity so that they too, can rise and triumph in their challenging parenting journey.

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

https://www.goodmomcoach.com  For more from Jodi Schilling

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Summary of When Parenting Doesn't Go As Planned

We all have this vision of parenting and what everything is supposed to be like. The minute we find out we are pregnant, we suddenly dream of walks in the park, weddings, and long hugs from little arms. It doesn't take long for us to realize that parenting is much more difficult than expected, and there will be times when parenting doesn't go as planned.

For Jodi Schilling, her parenting expectations were quickly challenged at her first ultrasound. From there, parenting became a challenge and journey that would teach her many life lessons. This is one of my longest interviews (47 minutes in length) and one of my most inspiring! When I was editing my footage, I couldn't cut out anything that Jodi said, nor did I want to.

Jodi Schilling tells her personal story about parenting not going as planned for her and her husband. She tells a story of having a child with autism, another child with learning challenges, and more challenges repeatedly coming her way. Jodi also tells a story of coping, loving her family for what it is, and rising together in love for success.

This heartfelt episode is not only relatable but also encouraging for any parent going through adversity, crisis, or simply disappointment that parenting hasn't gone as they planned. Jodi gives practical advice to parents facing hardship so that they, too, can rise and triumph in their challenging parenting journey. I hope you watch all 47 minutes because there is so much to learn and take in from beginning to end.

 * This episode also comes with a freebie for parents, found inside the Impactful Parent app!

 0:00 Intro

1:00 Jodi's story

13:29 Relatable ideas

14:36 Expectations in parenting

16:15 Challenges make you stronger

 19:04 Go through it, not around it

19:51 Love conquers trauma

23:41 Mistakes parents make when in a family crisis

30:46 Parents want to control

 32:43 Blame does nothing

34:22 Most important things to remember

44:50 FREEBIE Link

To access YOUR FREE PARENTING RESOURCES for your school-aged child, download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on the Android Play Store and on the Apple Store.

The app is FREE and is full of MORE than just this great video. The Impactful Parent App has:

• over 100 parent-education videos,
• tons of resources,
• FREE 30-Day Challenges to make you a better parent,
• and so much more!

Don't miss out on the opportunity to carry a parenting coach in your pocket! Download the app today! Real advice. Real issues. Period. Helping parents of school-age children.

#parenting #familytrauma #autismstory

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Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

163: Picky Eating Gone Bad: Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder

Picky Eating Gone Bad

If your child is a picky eater, then this episode is for you! Sometimes picky eating gets out of control and escalates to Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. This disorder is a real problem for many of our young people. Kristina Campos, founder of The Impactful Parent, explains what Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder looks like, the symptoms, warning signs, and gives parents tips for how they can help their child.

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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

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Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

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Transcript of Picky Eating Gone Bad: Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder

This is beyond your child not wanting to eat vegetables! They won't eat anything hot or even warm to the touch. Maybe they won't eat anything that crunches in their mouth. Maybe they cry every time you put brown items on their plate. Perhaps you can't go out to restaurants because they won't eat anything that isn't cooked in your kitchen.

Picky eating comes in many forms, but what happens when picky eating has taken a drastic turn for the worse? Now, you're really worried. Every meal is a battle, and you can see it's affecting their health. Maybe your child is 6, or maybe they are 16. It doesn't matter. Forcing your child to eat a balanced meal is impossible. This isn't anorexia. Your child isn't bulimic. This is when picky eating goes bad.

Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous. 

Today, I will be talking about when picky eating gone bad. It's called Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, and it's a real problem for many of our young people. I will explain what Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder looks like, the symptoms, and warning signs, and stick around to the end because I will also be giving you tips for how parents can help their child. Let's get started!

Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder goes beyond picky eating. It is classified as an eating disorder involving an extreme avoidance or low consumption of food. Unlike being a picky eater, Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) has a distinct level of physical and/or mental distress with eating. The child won't be able to chew nor swallow their food without gagging or forcing it down. The result is a significant nutritional deficiency usually accompanied by weight loss or even weight gain if all they eat is empty-calorie foods. This eating disorder can also cause dependence on nutritional supplements. It can falter the child's growth and even affect their ability to socialize normally with their peers. Even their relationships, daily functioning, and well-being are greatly affected.

There are four types of Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder:

1. The Avoidant Person: This child will avoid certain foods due to sensory sensitivities. This means that the child can't eat their food because of the smell, the texture, or even how the food looks.
2. The Aversive Person: This child fears eating or the food itself. They are scared of eating the food because they think it might make them choke, vomit, get nauseous, or even give them pain.
3. The Restrictive Person: This child has little or no interest in food. They don't want or care to eat. There simply isn't any interest in eating.
4. The ARFID Plus Person: This child has two or more of the Avoid Restrictive Food Intake Disorders types mentioned.

It is also important to mention that this disorder can not be explained by the lack of available food. This means that if a child's living conditions lack food or a culturally sanctioned practice of not eating (for example, fasting for religious purposes), then the child does NOT have ARFID. Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder can only be diagnosed if the child does not have a sacristy of food available. There is no cultural or environmental reason why they can't eat.

This brings me to a few common questions that many parents have.

• "How does Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder differ from anorexia or bulimia?"
  • The biggest difference is that Anorexia and Bulimia are body subconscious and Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder does not. Although a symptom of ARFID could be dramatic weight loss, one's body weight or shape doesn't abnormally bother a person diagnosed with ARFID like it would with anorexia and bulimia. ARFID patients are not worried about weight gain, weight loss, or body image. They are worried about the food itself.
• "Is Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder a kid thing?"
  • No, it is not. Adults get ARFID, too, although the disorder is more common in children. Remember that ARFID can start with picky eating, but it goes way beyond that. ARFID patients have real fears about food.
• "What are the most distinguishing features of ARFID?"
  • I would say that ARFID features make it stand out from picky eaters, one is the fear of food, and the other is how ARFID affects social situations for the individual. Adults and kids with ARFID have difficulty socializing due to their disorder because they can't eat or must have their food prepared a certain way. These individuals miss out on a lot because most social gatherings focus on food consumption.

What are the warning signs and red flags of Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder? If you think your child could have ARFID, here are some things to watch out for:

• Lack of interest in food
• Fear-based food restrictions like being afraid with the sight of certain foods
• A limitation on the amount of food they eat
• Inflexible eating behaviors
• Dressing in layers to hide their body
• A dramatic reaction to food or certain kinds of food
• A child complaining that they are full after only a few bites, if anything bites at all
• Complaining about stomach cramps to get out of eating
• Acid reflux
• A dramatic weight loss or even weight gain due to poor nutrition
• Trouble eating in unfamiliar places
• Trouble eating food prepared by others
• Difficulty concentrating at school
• Anemia
• A person complains they are dizzy, cold, or having sleep problems
• Dry skin
• The growth of fine peach fuzz hairs all over the body because the body is trying to keep itself warm
• And thinning hair on the head,

What causes Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder? The exact cause is unknown. Doctors say that environmental influences can be a big factor. Children will learn behaviors from the people around them. Moral beliefs about eating meat, dairy, and other items can come from within or be a learned belief from upbringing. Someone might also develop ARFID from a bad experience like choking or from another medical condition like gastroesophageal reflux disease. There are also psychological disorders that can cause ARFID, too. Even genetics might be a factor.

Who is more likely to develop Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder? Unlike other eating disorders, more boys have ARFID than girls. Children with autism, ADHD, and co-occurring anxiety disorder are more likely to be diagnosed with AFRID.

When should parents take their child to the doctor? I know picky eating can be super frustrating, but where is the tipping point between trying to handle your picky eater on your own and start getting medical help? My recommendation is to go see a doctor if you see a sudden and significant weight loss or if you know that your child is not getting the proper nutrition from their diet. Nutritional deficiencies should be taken seriously because AFRID can harm childhood growth. If you notice that your child isn't growing at the same pace as their peers, it is also time to get them checked.

Lastly, how can parents support their child with Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder? First, be sure to go talk to your family doctor or pediatrician. There are no medications that specifically treat AFRID yet; however, they may give you some medications for relieving some of the other symptoms of AFRID, like anxiety meds. Your doctor might also suggest you see a mental health professional help your child cope with the psychological side of this disorder. Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and Exposure & Response Prevention Therapy are common techniques mental health professionals use to help people lessen the distress and symptoms of AFRID.

Second, parents should not take a "Just eat it!" stance with their AFRID child. Tough love might work with a picky eater. Still, that parenting technique is not recommended for kids with Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. Instead, support your child by starting small and encouraging one bite at a time. The goal here is to make your child feel successful in their efforts. Praise, encourage and even reward your child's efforts. Kids with AFRID will be very emotional about eating and easily be discouraged. Find ways to manage their anxiety and stress around food. Taking a couple of deep breaths can help your child relax. Even yoga, meditation, music, art, dance, and writing can help your child calm their nerves. Studies say that it can take 10 tries before a person accepts a new food they don't want. This means you will have to be a patient parent and not give up on encouraging your child to eat those feared foods. That's a lot of tries and a lot of patients! Finally, when your child finds their new food acceptable to eat, parents need to keep the new food in their diet. Don't stop serving that food! Keeping the food available for your child is important; otherwise, they are likely to regress and reject it again.

It is also important for parents to role model healthy, diverse eating. Kids won't accept new habits if you can't do them yourself. Also, schedule regular meals and snack time. Having regular family meals creates stability and security around something that makes AFRID children anxious and unsettling. Avoid struggles during mealtimes. It may also help to make trying new foods a game and give your child the opportunity to have some choice in the food they are trying to eat. Allow them to pick a food to try.

Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder can be tricky and frustrating for families. I hope today's episode helped you to get a better understanding of this disorder so you can help those you love.

But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.

 

If this information was valuable for you today. BECOME a more impactful parent by downloading The Impactful Parent App. The Impactful Parent app is FREE and full of episodes like this one that will help you in your parenting journey. Investing in your family looks like learning the warning signs of certain behaviors so you can stop bad things before they start, discovering new parenting techniques to make your parenting more effective, and joining a community of like-minded parents that also want to be the best parent they can for their child. All of this, plus so much more, can be found inside The Impactful Parent app, so download it today. You got nothing to lose with this free parenting resource. Go to theimpactfulparent.com and discover how you can step up your parenting game and be a more impactful parent.

162: Why You Need Weekly Family Meetings

Weekly Family Meetings with Jessica Eastman Stewart.

Jessica talks about how she uses weekly family meetings to organize her family life, connect with her spouse, and have a household that is more calm for her children. Included in this episode is a FREE PDF for getting started with creating your own family meetings also!

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

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Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

 

161: How To Discipline With Connection

How To Discipline With Connection

Kristina Campos, founder of the Impactful Parent, teaches the 6 step process for disciplining your child with connection. Look at discipline a NEW WAY and discover how discipline doesn't have to be about taking your child's stuff away all the time, corporal punishment, or the use of fear based tactics. Discipline CAN bring you closer to your child and improve your relationship! 

Several FREE RESOURCES included in this video with the links provided. 

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING

https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!

Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios

Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android

https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.

https://theimpactfulparent.com/learningquestions for your free resource

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Rate, Review, & Subscribe!

"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer!  Thank you for making my parenting journey better!"  <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!

Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!

 

What to do next:

1. Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
2. Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
3. Subscribe to the PODCAST 
4. Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
5. Discover how you can work with Kristina!  Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!

Bottom Line... I am here for YOU!  Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com 

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Transcript of How To Discipline With Connection

You might be screaming and yelling at your kid. Maybe you've tried taking everything away, their phone, their freedom, maybe you have even tried taking off their bedroom door. Or perhaps you've tried the opposite approach. Have you tried gifting your child with everything you never got growing up so that your child will be happy and listen to you? Maybe you have tried both techniques, and nothing works. You've just ended up with an ungrateful child who won't listen and talks back.

Yikes. That's frustrating. You're probably wondering, "What's wrong with my child?" Or you could be asking, "How can I fix this? What am I doing wrong?" 

Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous. 

Today, I will talk to you about positive discipline. How you can discipline your child in a way that is effective and still doesn't ruin the parent-child relationship like hitting, taking everything away, or yelling at your child can do. I will be giving you the six step process you need to see a change in your discipline and stick around to the end because I will also be giving you some free resources to check out that will also help you in this process. Let's get started!

Step 1: Get your mindset right.

              Many people grew up with our parents spanking us and taking a super authoritarian stance on parenting. We were told, "Do this because I said so," and "Don't do that or else…" If this is how you grew up, it's no wonder that you might be lost as to why your discipline isn't working. People will naturally do things they know and feels familiar. The problem is things are not like how you grew up anymore. Culture and society have changed. But before you dive into a new way of disciplining, it's important to give yourself grace for trying those old ways. This isn't your fault. Your child never came with a manual. These pre-conceived thoughts make up your foundation on what you believe discipline should look like. So, ask yourself:

• How did I grow up? What was I taught?
• Was I taught punishment is the most effective discipline technique?
• Do I believe children should be seen and not heard?
• Was I allowed to express emotion when I grew up, or did I have to stuff my emotions deep inside?
• Did I see my childhood discipline as too soft, firm, loose, or rigid?

Today, I am giving you permission to analyze those old beliefs and throw them away. They aren't working for you anyway. You don't need to hold on to them anymore.

I want you to consider the new belief that discipline is not about punishment. Discipline is about guiding, teaching, training, modeling, and correcting behaviors. The point of discipline is to teach our kids how to make better choices and improve their moral character. Punishment is about making your child's life so miserable or painful that they want to comply. Instead, let's learn how to discipline in a way that brings your child closer to you, improves your relationship, and doesn't make your child fear you, but rather confide in you for help.

Step 2: Create a connection as soon as possible.

              There is a saying in the parenting world: You must connect before you correct. This concept might be completely different from your own upbringing. Still, extensive research from doctors shows parents cannot positively influence their children until they have created a bond. This means creating a relationship with your child where they don't fear you but rather trust you. Sometimes, parents must stop dealing with the misbehavior and first heal, stabilize, and grow the relationship. Connection creates a sense of safety and openness with your child.

You must create trust in good times if you want your child to come to you during difficult times. As you know, trust doesn't just happen overnight. This is going to take some time and consistency on your part. Here are my suggestions for creating your connection as soon as possible.

1. Explain to your child that you don't want to yell at them anymore or spank them. Tell them you want to change, and you want to love them.
2. Schedule 15 minutes of one-on-one time with your child every week. If you can do more than 15 minutes- GREAT, but 15 minutes is a good place to start because one on one time might mean you have to get a babysitter for your other children. One-on-one time is not watching TV together. Also, put your one-on-one time on your calendar. If you don't do this, I find that parents get busy, and although they have great intentions- they won't do it.
3. Talk with your child about the house rules. Ask them what kind of NEW rules we want in our house that will make you feel safe and think you can follow. Let your child verbalize what is important to them. Then, once you've talked about the rules, write the rules down on a piece of paper and discuss with your child what the consequences of breaking the rules should be. Again, let them have a say in their punishment. If your child is being too harsh or lenient with their punishments, then talk about that and come to a compromise. You still have the power here. I am NOT telling you to let the kids make the rules and the consequences. I AM telling you that the kids should have a say in this, and this is a conversation you should have with your child together.
4. To create a connection in discipline, you want to keep the energy of the discipline POSITIVE. When your child breaks the rules, remind them of the rule they broke and implement the consequence you agreed upon quickly and without argument. If your child tries to engage you, walk away from all yelling and negotiations. Matter-of-factly implement consequences without the drama. Matching their yelling and big emotions does nothing except keep you in the cycle of chaos.
5. After the dust has settled, go back to your child, and check in with their feelings. Allow them to vent without you talking at all. Just listen to their perspective and feelings and let them talk. After that, refer to the Helping Kids to Learn From Their Mistakes free resource that I will mention at the end of this episode. This free resource will help you NOT fix your child's problems but help you guide them to learn from their mistakes.
6. There are 5 things to keep in mind to connect with your child. They are LISTENING, SAFE TOUCH (like hugs, holding hands, pats on the back, etc.), POSITIVE WORDS (focusing on what your child does right instead of what they are doing wrong), EYE CONTACT (being engaged when you are with them and not giving your child half-ass attention like working or being on your phone while with your child) and SPEAKING TO YOUR CHILD'S LOVE LANGUAGE. (For more about the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, go to https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ )

Lastly, keep in mind that how you connect with your child should change as your child grows because they change too. A common mistake that parents make is trying to connect with their child the same way they did 3 years ago. Connection is easy: DO whatever your child wants, not what you want to do. This means you'll have to ask them!

Step 3: Learn different ways to discipline.

              Remember that our goal of discipline is to teach a lesson. The goal of consequences is not to hurt your child but to create paths to solutions. Discipline can have many forms.

• Training: Teaching your kids how to do something by having THEM DO IT. This is a learning by doing method. Many parents stray away from training their kids because it takes time and effort by the parent. You must SHOW your child how to do what you want them to do. Then you must let them do it alone, go back and correct them, monitor their progress, and finally keep a consistent expectation that they have the skills to do the task now. Also, once parents have trained their child to do something, they must TRUST their child to do it (even if they know they will mess up sometimes.) This method takes patients, monitoring, effort, and a willingness to allow your child to learn from their failures. Think about how you can use the training method to teach your child a skill that you need them to learn, like how to clean their room or cook for themselves.
• Modeling: Teaching kids how to do something by role modeling what you want. You can shape and influence your child by walking the walk and talking the talk yourself. Couple role modeling with creating rituals and routines, and now you got a powerful influence. How can you teach your child a new skill through modeling? For example, if you want your child to be faithful, then model the ritual of going to church and praying in front of them. Or maybe you don't want phones at the dinner table anymore. You will also have to model what that behavior looks like and follow the rules you want to implement.
• Correcting: The last thing you want to do is do the task for your child because it's easier or faster. If you do the task for them, the only thing you are teaching your child is that if they ignore the issue long enough, you'll do the task for them. Correcting your child's behaviors is best done by role modeling what you want to see, training your child on how to do the task, revisiting what happened that went wrong, and talking about how they could do better next time. The objective of correction is to adjust behaviors for a positive outcome. You can use the free resource documents I will give you at the end of this episode called Learning From Mistakes to help you do this.
• Lastly, there are 4 foundations to discipline. Just 4, but you should know what they are so that you can take those 4 core techniques and apply them to your disciplining repertoire. To learn what the 4 foundations of discipline are, watch my short video at https://theimpactfulparent.com/discipline

Step: 4 Teach vocabulary for feeling words

              A lot of the time, kids and even teenagers act inappropriately because they don't know how to express themselves any other way. They don't have the vocabulary to tell anyone how they feel, so they will show you. Yes, teenagers do this all the time! The more vocabulary you can teach your child to express their feelings, the less that will happen. I like to do this activity in the car and make it a game. Also, don't label feelings as good or bad. You feel the way you do, and that's it. Period. You can't help it. Accept all feelings in your household. By accepting all feelings in your home, you are not saying that you accept all behaviors. That is an important distinguisher. Be aware of what you were allowed to feel growing up. If you weren't allowed to be sad or cry growing up, then be aware you might also be telling your children the same thing.  

Step: 5 Be a behavior detective

Every behavior has a reason. Behaviors are a child's way of telling their parents how they feel, especially if they don't have the words to say it aloud. This means that parents need to be detectives of the meaning behind the behaviors. When your child is acting crazy, and you're looking at them with the face of Tom (from Tom and Jerry), his jaw-dropping down to the floor, ask yourself, "What is their goal by doing _______?"

• Do they need attention? Do they need acknowledgment for some reason?
• Do they need some sense of power? Do they feel like they don't have any choices or control over what is happening? Do you, as a parent, feel challenged? This is also another indicator that your child might need some more power.
• Do they want revenge? Do they have a need to protect themselves? Are they scared? Are they feeling unsafe? Kids that bully, boss people around, or hide might be trying to protect themselves by these behaviors.
• Does your child feel discouraged or like they are going to fail? They may be sabotaging, avoiding, procrastinating, or hiding if they are. These behaviors show signs of being scared to fail or not living up to expectations.

I can go on and on, but the point is that parents need to find the meaning behind their children's behaviors. If too many crazy behaviors are happening all at once, just pick one and focus on the meaning behind that behavior first. Take it one behavior at a time. Behaviors have a purpose. Your child is likely using these behaviors to cope with the feeling they don't like. Remember that behaviors are how my child is asking for help. How can you help them?

Lastly, before I move on to step 6, remember that if your child has been acting like this for a while, they feel comfortable with those behaviors and have become habits. Habits are hard to break. Self-negative talk, fears and thought patterns can become habits. Plus, it is uncomfortable when you change a habit, making people uneasy. Be patient with your child as you retrain their behaviors and thought patterns.

Step 6 SHOW your child HOW to act better.

              One of the biggest mistakes I see parents make is telling a child, "No. You can't do that," but ending the conversation there. The child is left knowing what they can't do, but they still have no idea what they CAN do. For example, a parent might ask the child to clean his room, and a half-hour later, the parent goes upstairs to check on the child and their progress. As the parent steps into the child's bedroom, the room appears clean but low-and-behold; the parent also finds all the child's clothes stuffed inside the dresser drawers, wrinkled, and even a few snack bars hiding among the jeans. The parent gets mad at the child and says, this is not cleaning up your room. Don't stuff your clothes in the dressers! Fix it! And the parent storms out of the room, angry. The child now knows that stuffing the clothes in the dressers is not 'cleaning the room,' but is left with the question, what is? From the child's perspective, their room looks great. There is nothing on the floor, and the room looks clean. The child is left to guess what the parent wants now and might even be afraid because they thought they did a good job, but instead, they just got yelled at and have no idea how to fix it. On the other hand, the parent assumed that the child knew what to do and was lazy. There is a huge disconnect here.

Parents can not assume that the child knows anything! Instead, they need to clarify their expectations by SHOWING the child what they want. Even verbally telling the child what you want is not proficient. A lot can be misinterpreted by just telling the child what you need. Instead, you have to show them. In the case of our example, the parent needs to show the child how to fold their clothes and how to neatly put their clothes in the dresser. If your child is lazy, they will stop you from explaining yourself and will tell you that they know. They won't sit there and listen to your lecture, so start explaining yourself in painfully boring ways until your child gets it. They will tell you when you can stop. Trust me. Children don't know what they don't know. Just because your child is smart doesn't mean they can read your mind and know your expectations. Show them your YES, after you have told them your No.

 

Those are the 6 steps for better discipline. Now it's time to level up your parenting game and put those 6 steps into action. I have several free resources for you today that you need to check out.

• Making Rules Kids Will Follow video
• The 4 Pillars of Discipline video
• What Every Child Needs video
• The Free PDF- Helping Kids Learn From Mistakes

The free pdf, you can find at https://theimpactfulparent.com/learningquestions 

I have also made things easy for you and put all the free video resources for you in one place. They are inside the Impactful Parent app. Don't worry! The app is free, too, and you can download it from the Apple Store, the Android play store, or by going to https://theimpactfulparent.com/app. You'll find all your videos inside the app in one place- under my Core content section. It's that easy! Everything you need at your fingertips and inside your pocket whenever you have a moment or need some extra help. The Impactful Parent app is full of episodes like this one that will help you in your parenting journey. You got nothing to lose with these free parenting resources. Go to theimpactfulparent.com and discover how you can step up your parenting game and be a more impactful parent with the Impactful Parent app. Download it right now.

 But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.