The Impactful Parenting Podcast helps parents turn their chaos into connection with their children. Through meaningful stories, the podcast provides parenting tips for making family life easier! Why? Because school-aged children bring different challenges to parenting that younger kids don’t! The Impactful Parenting Podcast provides help for raising your adolescent child. So if you’re asking yourself questions like: • ”Is this normal?” • ”Why is my teenager doing this?” • ”How do I get my child to stop?” • ”I am so frustrated. What do I do?” • ”Is anyone else experiencing this? I can’t be the only one.” • ”I am worried. What can I do?” Then YOU HAVE FOUND THE RIGHT PLACE! Hi! I am Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent and my passion is creating better relationships between parents and their children. I am a parenting coach, a teacher who has taught every grade level from Pre-K through high school, and most importantly, I am a mom of 4 kids! (Yep, those are my kiddos in the podcast photo). The teen years don’t need to be difficult. Teenagers CAN have a special bond with their parents! Listen and discover the tools and techniques you need to create connections, build trust, and have a stress-free household. This is only the beginning! Let’s get started, together! -Kristina Campos Founder of The Impactful Parent
Episodes
Thursday Apr 13, 2023
Thursday Apr 13, 2023
Planning For the Future with a special needs child
💥Do you have a special needs child or know someone who does? THIS IS A MUST-SEE VIDEO! 💥Join me and Jorge Loyo as we discuss all the things you want to prepare for your child's future needs! I know it SUCKS to think about a future where you weren't around or were unable to take care of your "baby," but being prepared is IMPORTANT. Don't put your head in the sand and ignore it. Learn the basic necessities needed to have a solid plan for the unexpected future.
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Rate, Review, & Subscribe!
"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer! Thank you for making my parenting journey better!" <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!
Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!
Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!
What to do next:
- Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
- Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
- Subscribe to the PODCAST
- Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
- Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!
Bottom Line... I am here for YOU! Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com
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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING
https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!
Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios
Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android
https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.
https://jorgeloyo.com for more from Jorge!
Thursday Apr 06, 2023
Thursday Apr 06, 2023
When Kids Pull Out Their Eyebrows and Scratch Their Skin
This is more than just picking at your nails. Some kids pull out their hair, and their eyebrows, and scratch at their skin so much that it causes bald spots and scarring. It's called Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania.
Discover signs, causes, and the best treatment options for your child! Learn how you can support your child through this disorder and get them the help they need too!
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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING
https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!
Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios
Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android
https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.
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Rate, Review, & Subscribe!
"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer! Thank you for making my parenting journey better!" <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!
Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!
Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!
What to do next:
- Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
- Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
- Subscribe to the PODCAST
- Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
- Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!
Bottom Line... I am here for YOU! Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com
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Transcript of When Kids Pull Out Their Eyebrows and Scratch Their Skin
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? STOP!"
That's what I told my child when I discovered they were picking their skin. No, picking at their skin doesn’t describe it. It's more than just picking skin. It's picking at the body so much that it leaves bald spots, scarring and can even strike blood. It's called Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania.
Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous.
Today, I will talk about a common disorder where kids pull out their hair called Trichotillomania or pick at their skin called Dermatillomania. These are mental health conditions that causes people to pull out their hair, scratch their bodies, or pick at their skin. They are chronic conditions and can be hard to manage, but there are ways you can help a child who's struggling with it. Learn the signs and symptoms, its causes, and treatment options. Plus- stick around until the end. I will finish by giving parents tips to support their children struggling with Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania. Let's get started!
What it is: Trichotillomania, also known as a hair-pulling disorder, is known for its irresistible urges to pull out hair from your own body. People with Trichotillomania may pull out their hair from ANY part of the body at any time of day. The most common areas to pull are the scalp and eyebrows. Still, people with Trichotillomania have also been known to pull out eyelashes, facial hair, nipple hair, chest hair, armpit hair, leg or arm hair, and even pubic hair- despite trying to stop. Similarly, Dermatillomania is the impulsive urge to scratch, dig, squeeze or rub at the skin obsessively. They are obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCD), and can cause bald spots and sometimes even permanent scarring.
Signs and Symptoms: Besides the obvious signs of hair loss and baldness, Trichotillomania can cause hair regrowth to be thinner or even missing altogether. Dermatillomania looks like scars, scratches, scabs, and different types of flesh wounds. People with either of these disorders may have high anxiety, skin damage, difficulty concentrating, and even panic attacks. Many suffer from depression. Identifying and treating these disorders is important. It shouldn't be ignored as a phase or weird habit. And although many kids will dismiss their habit to adults as “not a big deal,” it is also common for kids with these conditions to feel embarrassed about pulling out their hair and worry about what other people might think about them. Many children will hide the evidence by wearing hats, scarves, and long sleeves to cover up their bald spots and wounds.
Causes: The exact cause is unclear, but it is believed to result from a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Some possible factors include genetics, DNA mutations, changes in brain chemistry, family history, and the sensation of hair or skin that feels different from the rest. Trichotillomania and Dermotillomania are types of coping mechanisms usually the result of stress, anxiety, or depression.
Treatment Options: The primary treatment is habit reversal training, a behavioral therapy type. This therapy helps individuals recognize situations where they are likely to pull their hair. It teaches them to substitute other behaviors instead. For instance, clenching fists can help stop the urge to pull hair. Other treatments may include seeing a dermatologist to treat related skin problems or damage. Some children may be candidates to get additional help from a plastic and reconstructive surgeon who can help with skin grafting for affected areas of the body. Certain medications may also be prescribed by a doctor, such as serotonin reuptake inhibitors; however, mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, yoga, support groups, and other coping strategies are usually tried first.
Having said all this, getting help from a healthcare professional is imperative. Consult a mental health professional for a proper diagnosis and treatment plan. Treating hair loss or skin wounds are really only a Band-Aid. It is crucial to discover the reason beyond the hair pulling, scratching, and picking to treat the anxiety, depression, or other root cause.
How to Support Loved Ones:
- Reduce stress: Since Trichotillomania and Dermotillomania can often be a stress response in children, parents should consider reducing stress at home.
- Detox methods: Some children can benefit from a gentle detox method to remove harmful heavy metals, chemicals, and toxins from their bodies.
- Cognitive-behavioral approaches: Cognitive-behavioral approaches such as Habit Reversal Therapy (HRT) in tandem with stimulus control are the first-line treatment for Trichotillomania and have consistently demonstrated efficacy in research trials.
- Increase awareness: Therapy can involve helping a child recognize thoughts, feelings, and behaviors associated with hair pulling. This therapy aims to increase the awareness of hair pulling and replace it with alternative behaviors.
- Stay patient. This can be a very frustrating disorder for parents. Often, parents don't understand why their children can't just stop pulling out their hair. Work on empathy and patients as you help your child deal with this real OCD disorder, and support them the best you can with your love.
If this information was valuable for you today, BECOME a more impactful parent by downloading The Impactful Parent App. The Impactful Parent app is FREE and full of episodes like this one to help you in your parenting journey. Investing in your family looks like learning the warning signs of certain behaviors so you can stop bad things before they start, discovering new parenting techniques to make your parenting more effective, and joining a community of like-minded parents who want to be the best parent they can for their child. All of this, plus so much more, can be found inside The Impactful Parent app, so download it today. You got nothing to lose with this free parenting resource. Go to theimpactfulparent.com and discover how you can step up your parenting game and be a more impactful parent.
But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.
Referenced Material:
https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/trichotillomania
https://psychcentral.com/disorders/trichotillomania-symptoms
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/trichotillomania/symptoms-causes/syc-20355188
https://happywhilehealingdisorders.com/causes-for-trichotillomania/
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9880-trichotillomania
https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/trichotillomania
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326833
https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/trichotillomania
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9880-trichotillomania
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/trichotillomania/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20355193
https://psychcentral.com/stress/child-pulling-hair-out-when-stressed
https://trichotillomaniablog.com/how-do-i-help-my-child-with-trichotillomania/
https://www.abct.org/fact-sheets/trichotillomania/
https://www.nomorehairpulling.com/trichotillomania-children/
Thursday Mar 30, 2023
Thursday Mar 30, 2023
A New Personality Test To Help You Communicate and Connect Better
Are you having trouble connecting with your child? Does it feel like the two of you are always butting heads and miscommunicating? In this episode of the Impactful Parent, Nicole Shir, author of The Needs Languages, talks about her new personality test that helps you discover the communication needs of yourself and your loved ones. Discover another tool that you can utilize to learn more about yourself and your children so that you can foster better relationships!
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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING
https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!
Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios
Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android
https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.
theneedslanguages.com for more from Nicole
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Thursday Mar 23, 2023
Thursday Mar 23, 2023
How To Mend A Relationship: The crucial steps of an apology.
This episode of the Impactful Parent walks you through the crucial steps of making an apology that is effective and better received by your loved one. It's not easy to say, "I am sorry," but apologizing might be the first step to mending a relationship that is important to you. Discover how you can apologize to your loved one WITHOUT taking the whole blame and WITHOUT admitting that you did anything with bad intentions. PLUS- THIS VIDEO WILL HELP YOU TEACH CHILDREN HOW TO APOLOGIZE SO THEY CAN MEND RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM!
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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING
https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!
Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios
Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android
https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.
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Transcript for How To Mend A Relationship
It's been a long day. I'm exhausted. All I want is to rest on the couch for five minutes before I deal with the kids. Instead, I walk into the house and am greeted with a crying child, another kid screaming, "Mom, she took my charger!" and a spouse who says, "Great! You're home. We need to get going to Joseph's game."
I lost it. I completely lost my shit. All self-control went out the window, and before I knew it, I was yelling at everyone, even the baby.
We all make mistakes, but saying sorry is actually a skill. We all have received an apology that we didn't accept because we knew the wrong-doer didn't mean it. Most of us have even given an apology we didn't mean. But what if we want to mend a hurt relationship and feelings? How do we do that?
Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous.
Today, I will teach you how to apologize. Not all apologies are created equal. If you are ready to mend a relationship or want to teach your child how to apologize, this episode is for you. I will explain the 8 crucial steps to a good apology and stick around to the end because this episode can improve your relationship with your children. Let's get started!
How to apologize (before you say I'm sorry): Focus On The Impact Of Your Actions. Not The Intent.
Ninety-nine percent of the time, you didn't mean to hurt anyone. You never intended to make someone feel sad, mad, or frustrated purposefully. That is why you will not focus on the intent of your actions. You didn't mean it! Instead, focus on the impact of your actions. If you yelled at your kids, you must consider how that made them feel. If you worked late and left your spouse at home with the kids alone too long, how did that affect your partner? It doesn't matter that you worked late so you can pay the bills. I am sure you had a good reason for whatever happened. Still, you need to stop justifying your actions and consider how your actions affect others.
How to apologize (before you say I'm sorry): Own Up To Your Part. Not Theirs.
Once you can admit that your actions hurt someone else, then you can own your part. This step gets a little messy when someone has hurt you, too, and the disconnect or argument happens with two or more people going back and forth. However, your focus is on what YOU did and what YOU said. Not them. You are likely hurt too. You probably reacted to them and have a lot of hurt feelings yourself, but the bottom line is: if you want to mend a relationship, someone has to step up and make the first move. I hope that your maturity to take the first step of owning your part in the situation prompts the other person to do the same, but we can't control them. You can only do your part.
How to apologize Step 1: Admit To The Offense.
Now we are getting into the actual words you need to use to speak your apology. Before we continue, let's clarify that just because you are admitting to hurting your loved one doesn't mean you did it purposefully. However, for your loved one to heal, they need you to say "what you could have done better" aloud. They need you to speak about how you wronged them. Say something like, "I am sorry that I _________."
Examples:
- I am sorry that I yelled at you.
- I am sorry that I ignored you.
- I am sorry that I didn't take your opinion into consideration.
How to apologize Step 2: Spell Out Why You Want To Apologize.
Tell your loved one why it is important to you to mend the relationship. Say something like, "I want to apologize for what I did because _________."
Examples:
- I want to apologize for what I did because I see that I really hurt you, which doesn't feel good to me, either.
- I want to apologize for what I did because I love you and never intended to hurt you.
- I want to apologize for what I did because I feel terrible, and your friendship means a lot to me.
How to apologize Step 3: Admit That You Could Have Handled It Differently
This is where you need to be the bigger person and admit you could have done better. You admitted to having made a mistake in handling the situation. It doesn't matter why you made a mistake. I am sure you were perfectly justified in how you reacted; however, this goes back to YOU needing to step up and take the first steps on the high road because someone needs to do it. You care about the relationship enough to do that. Say something like, "I wish I would have ____ instead, but I didn't, and I know I hurt you. It is important to add "and I know I hurt you" because your loved one needs to feel like you understand the consequences of your actions.
Examples:
- I wish I had kept my cool and didn't yell; instead, I hurt you. I'm sorry.
- I wish I had paused momentarily and listened to you, but instead, I hurt you. I'm sorry.
- I wish I had walked away when we started arguing, but instead, I said hurtful things I didn't mean. That hurt you. I'm sorry.
How to apologize Step 4: Acknowledge the Other Person's Hurt and Let Them Talk About Their Feelings.
Step 4 is crucial. Your loved one needs to vent. This is important because they must make you understand how badly you hurt them. Unfortunately, this becomes the hardest step of all, because you will need to sit there and listen, take in the information, and nod your head. You can't get defensive. In fact, you need to validate their feelings. Your loved one won't accept your apology completely unless they feel you understand their pain. Period. Your natural reaction will be to defend yourself and justify your actions, but you can't. This is their time to talk, and for this apology to work, you will need to listen and take note of the words they use to describe their pain. This is especially important with men who express their hurt feelings by saying things like, "You disrespected me, or you didn't listen to me."
Then, acknowledge your loved one's pain using the same words they used to describe it. For example:
- I understand that I disrespected you. I didn't mean to. I am sorry.
- I know that I ignored you, and you didn't feel heard. I am sorry.
- I understand that hurt your feelings. I am sorry.
How to apologize Step 5: Express Regret.
Expressing regret is best done in your tone of voice. How you say, I am sorry, and all the things noted in steps 1-4 need to be told in a tone of voice that expresses sadness. If you don't express regret for your actions using the right tone, then everything you said before won't do any good. Your loved one needs to feel like you regret your actions; this is where your heartfelt apology is revealed.
When apologies WON'T be accepted no matter what you do.
Unfortunately, there are times when an apology won't be accepted. This isn't about you at all, and it is all about the person receiving the apology. There are 2 notable times to be aware of when your apology will often fall upon deaf ears.
- They have to be willing to forgive you because they value the relationship. If they do not value the relationship, many people will reject the apology and use it as an excuse to move on.
- A person may not accept an apology if their identity is created by the hurt they have inside.
Learning to apologize so you can mend relationships with your loved ones is important for your family. Once you can learn how to apologize effectively, then you can role model these behaviors and teach them to your children.
If this information was valuable for you today, BECOME a more impactful parent by downloading The Impactful Parent App. The Impactful Parent app is FREE and full of episodes like this one to help you in your parenting journey. Investing in your family looks like learning the warning signs of certain behaviors so you can stop bad things before they start, discovering new parenting techniques to make your parenting more effective, and joining a community of like-minded parents who want to be the best parent they can for their child. All of this, plus so much more, can be found inside The Impactful Parent app, so download it today. You got nothing to lose with this free parenting resource. Go to theimpactfulparent.com and discover how to step up your parenting game and be more impactful.
But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.
Thursday Mar 16, 2023
Thursday Mar 16, 2023
Normalizing the Bad of Parenting
Parenting is full of difficult stuff that makes moms and dads want to pull their hair out! Why isn't anyone talking about it?!?! This week on the Impactful Parent, founder Kristina Campos and mom Kate Bjargvide talk about the "bad" of parenting in an effort to normalize the hard stuff. Discover how Kate handles her challenges and grab a few parenting tips! Plus, learn how parenting in Sweden differs from parenting in the United States.
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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING
https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!
Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios
Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android
https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.
www.youtube.com/@epickate for more from Kate Bjargvide
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Rate, Review, & Subscribe!
"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer! Thank you for making my parenting journey better!" <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!
Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!
Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!
What to do next:
- Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
- Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
- Subscribe to the PODCAST
- Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
- Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!
Bottom Line... I am here for YOU! Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com
Thursday Mar 09, 2023
Thursday Mar 09, 2023
Dealing With A Defiant Teenager
Tips for dealing with an angry teenager who doesn't want to listen. It's not easy, but these tips can help your family bond again. Learn 7 action items that parents can do to regain their influence and connection with their teenager again.
* This video does NOT apply to children with significant trauma or who have been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING
https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!
Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios
Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android
https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.
----
Rate, Review, & Subscribe!
"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer! Thank you for making my parenting journey better!" <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!
Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!
Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!
What to do next:
- Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
- Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
- Subscribe to the PODCAST
- Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
- Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!
Bottom Line... I am here for YOU! Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com
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Transcript of the podcast: How To Deal With A Defiant Teenager
It can be frustrating when your teenager acts defiant toward you. You've tried to raise them with love and support, but now they're pushing back and rebelling against everything you say or do. How do you deal with this situation?
Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous.
Today, I will give tips for dealing with a defiant teenager. This isn't going to be an easy episode. I will get honest about some shifts you must make in your life, and you probably won't like what I say. But, if you are ready to see a change in your household because you're done with the defiant behaviors, this episode is for you. I got 7 Big Tips and stick around to the end because it is the last one that is the most important of all! Let's get started!
How To Deal With A Defiant Teenager: Let go of your need for control.
A common mistake parents make when dealing with a teen with a defiant attitude is to try and maintain control over every aspect of their lives. They do this because they feel teenagers must be influenced, shaped, and molded to become responsible young adults. But the truth is:
- Your window of total control is over. Your child is old enough now to make their own choices. Yes, you can make their life so miserable (like taking away their phone, privileges, and friends) that they want to comply; however, it is still your child's choice to comply.
- The more you squeeze, the more your teenager will slip through your fingers. Every teenager will assert independence, self-reliance, and separation from their parents. This is normal behavior for any animal getting ready to leave the nest. These same adolescents will instinctually push back and rebel even more if they aren't allowed some capacity for freedom. The teen brain is begging to act grown up and independent because it's subconsciously testing the waters and learning, so it is prepared for adult life.
- As soon as you give up on trying to control everything, you'll find yourself much more at ease and able to move forward in the relationship. This doesn't mean giving up all authority and letting them do whatever they want. They will still need rules; however, it just means accepting that you're not in charge anymore.
How To Deal With A Defiant Teenager: Get help from a professional if necessary.
Asking for help isn't easy, but neither is changing! I can tell you to let go of your need for control, and you could be nodding your head in agreement but doing it… well, that's a whole different ball game! Normalize asking for help and being proactive about your personal betterment, self-improvement, and mental health by getting a counselor or psychologist. In fact, this is such good role modeling that I would encourage you to get a therapist for your child too! The extra help is priceless, and it might be the only way to see significant changes quicker
How To Deal With A Defiant Teenager: Sometimes it is not personal. Change your perspective to see beyond your teen's defensive behaviors.
This one is tough because you're human too. It's tempting to feel like your teen intentionally tries to get you mad. Sometimes, having teens is like being in an abusive relationship that you're supposed to ignore! Kids can do and say the most horrible things to parents, and we are supposed to take it. Why? Parents are supposed to be the SAFE SPACE. "I will love you no matter what." And because parents love their kids unconditionally, we often get dumped on with negative emotions that our teen doesn't know how to process or deal with. Teenagers are still learning how to deal with all the new emotions puberty presents. Frankly- sometimes they don't have the skills to deal with these big feelings productively yet. This means that your teen may be having a bad day and lashing out at you. Your teenager may be angry at someone else but taking it out on you. They might feel overwhelmed by the world and need time alone to process their feelings.
It can be challenging for parents not to fall into the trap of thinking about why their child is "defiant." Still, it's important not to focus on those things if you want a positive change in your relationship with them. Remember that sometimes it is not about you. This is where your solution should be teaching your child coping skills and role-modeling better ways to express anger, frustration, and sadness.
How To Deal With A Defiant Teenager: Stay calm and show them you're in control.
Kids feed off your energy and learn to deal with their emotions by watching YOU. You can't put out a fire with more fire. Yelling back is only going to make the situation worse. Instead, it would be best to show your child another way.
- Stay calm and show that you're in control of yourself.
- Don't react to their anger or frustration.
- Don't try to reason with them either; 14-year-olds aren't interested in explaining why they shouldn't do something they want to do anyway!
Again, ask for help from a counselor to learn how to keep your cool. This is much easier said than done. You'll need to discover your own coping techniques.
How To Deal With A Defiant Teenager: Set clear and enforce boundaries consistently.
Yes, you want your child to make their choices and let up on the "control grip," but that doesn't mean you let them do whatever they want. They still need rules. Rules prove security, and consistency provides predictability. Teens absolutely need these things to grow into incredible adults. Here are some critical tips for making your rules.
- Dig deep and come up with only 5 rules you consider the most important.
- Sit down with your teenager and ask them what rules they want to implement in the house to make them feel safe.
- Together, write those rules down and compromise on a short list of rules everyone can agree on.
- Discuss the consequences when any rules are broken (even if you break a rule yourself.)
- Discuss and decide on rewards for abiding by the rules.
- Stay consistent, and ensure everyone in your house is on the same page. You can not "let it go" because you're tired or too busy. You must implement consequences and rewards with 100% consistency if you want to be taken seriously.
How To Deal With A Defiant Teenager: Give your teen space when you think they may be overreacting or angry, but don't let their behavior go unchecked.
When you think your teen may be overreacting or angry, give them space to calm down. Your first reaction will be to yell back or take away privileges but pause instead. As mentioned earlier, you don't want to yell or do anything that will escalate an already undesirable situation. Instead, give them space to let out their frustration. For some kids, that might look like a "time out" in their room, but for other kids, it might be letting them rant and rave while you sit there and listen, not talking and just nodding your head.
When you give your child the space to release all those big emotions and plead their case without interruption, sometimes that is enough to deescalate their mood. Now they are in a better place to listen.
Having said this, here is another skill that is much easier said than done. Sitting back and letting someone yell or rant without comments or eye rolls is difficult. Again- this will take practice.
After the rant session, do not let the child's behavior go unchecked. It's important to correct them when they're wrong, even if it feels like a battle of wills at the time. This is part of teaching your teenager how to manage their emotions and has nothing to do with being "right." Whenever possible, you don't want to engage AT ALL when a child is emotional. They need to let those emotions out and simmer down, and then you can start the conversation in a calm voice. It's also important for you as a parent (and other family members) to model good behavior, so your teenager can see how someone else appropriately handles conflict.
How To Deal With A Defiant Teenager: WORK ON YOUR BOND AND CONNECTION
This is the most important step of all. This is the secret sauce to better behaviors and more influence over your teenager. Your teenager won't care what you think, say, or need if they don't have a bond with you. Period.
Most parents make the error of thinking that the parent-child bond should be effortless and natural. Relationships take time and lots of effort to cultivate and grow. You must intentionally bond and communicate with your child over and beyond what you have been doing already. Here are some suggestions for developing a bond with your child and getting started.
- Start by talking in the car. Make any excuse to start a conversation in the car when your child doesn't have to look directly at you and can even chat while they look out the window.
- Ask open-ended questions where they can't answer yes or no. Download the Impactful Parent app and do one of my free 30-day challenges to get started. I will give you the questions to ask there, so you don't have to think of them independently. Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com/app to download your free app now.
- Schedule 15 minutes in your calendar EVERYDAY to check in with your child and see how they are doing. Ask questions about their day and talk about things you can't argue about, like their video game, favorite Youtuber, or other interest they have. You might be utterly bored with the topic, but it is what your child cares about, so ask about it.
- Show up for something they care about. Maybe it's a sporting event? Perhaps you must force yourself to sit next to your child and watch them play their favorite video game? Either way, pick an event they care about and show up for it or do it with them.
For more information on handling teenagers who talk back, are disrespectful, or you butt-heads with, download the Impactful Parent app for more! Several videos inside the free app will get you started on ideas for turning your situation around or getting the help you need! The app is free, so you don't have anything to lose! Go to https://theimpactfulparent.com or your app store on your phone and get it today!
But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.
Thursday Mar 02, 2023
Thursday Mar 02, 2023
Dealing With Bullies When The School Doesn't Help
Ron Shuali is sometimes controversial, but he believes in arming kids with the confidence and skills to stand up to a bully. 💪 😰😖 If you are tired of the school not helping your child, then this video might be what you need. Discover ideas for handling a bully and resources parents can get to help their child in these difficult situations. Download the Impactful Parent app (free on your app store) and get Ron's Book: Breaking The Bullying Circle for FREE!!!!
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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING
https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!
Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios
Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android
https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.
www.ronspeak.com for more from Ron Shuali
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Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!
Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!
What to do next:
- Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
- Follow The Impactful Parent on social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
- Subscribe to the PODCAST
- Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
- Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!
Bottom Line... I am here for YOU! Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com
Thursday Feb 23, 2023
Thursday Feb 23, 2023
How To Talk To LGBTQ Teens About Sex
HOW DO HETEROSEXUAL PARENTS TALK TO LGBTQ TEENS ABOUT SEX?
I know it can feel embarrassing and daunting. That's why this week's Impactful Parent video is here to give you tips and advice for having this important conversation. 😥 What should you say? 😰 How should you prepare? 😖 What if you mess up? This video gives you 5 steps for making this important conversation successful! You can do it!
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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING
https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!
Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios
Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android
https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.
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Rate, Review, & Subscribe!
"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer! Thank you for making my parenting journey better!" <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!
Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!
Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!
What to do next:
- Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
- Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
- Subscribe to the PODCAST
- Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
- Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!
Bottom Line... I am here for YOU! Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com
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Transcript of How To Talk To LGBTQ Teens About Sex
The "sex talk" is hard enough as it is! How are heterosexual parents supposed to navigate this conversation with their LGBTQ child? Ugh! This is a whole other ball game! Or is it?
Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous.
Today's episode is about having "The sex talk" with an LGBTQ+ child. With more and more kids coming out, parents want to know how to talk to teens about sex and dating and what rules they need to implement in their households. Parents feel uncomfortable or unsure of themselves and what to say. Today, I will give you the answers you need to start this conversation. Let's get started!
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This is a conversation you can't avoid. I don't care if you're embarrassed or uncomfortable. If YOU don't talk to your child about sex and relationships, someone else will. When kids have a "blank space" looking for knowledge or answers, they will fill in that blank space with their own narrative created by their friends, media, and other randoms. You don't want your child's sex education to come entirely from someone young, inexperienced, and experimenting. Also, research shows that LGBTQ youth have a limited amount of trusted adults they feel comfortable talking with about sex. This leads kids to go find answers online.
Parents should play a role in helping their children learn how to navigate healthy sexual relationships. Period. If you choose to avoid this important conversation, you can potentially set up your child for bad experiences. NO! You're an impactful parent and will have this conversation confidently because today, you will learn what to say.
How To Talk To LGBTQ+ Children About Sex Step 1: Acknowledge Your Own Feelings
It's normal to feel nervous or even ashamed when talking about sex with your teen, especially if they're LGBTQ. But suppose you want them to know they can come to you for help and support. In that case, you mustn't let those feelings get in the way of having open conversations about these topics. Acknowledge how difficult this might be for both of you. Remember that being honest about how we feel is critical when building trust between parent and child.
- Dig deep and identify your fears. What are you afraid your child will do? What are you afraid your child will find out? What are you afraid will happen to your child as they explore their sexuality?
- Know where your own boundaries are. What do you NOT want your child to ask? What will you say if they ask you something you don't want to discuss? Where will you send your child to get help if you can't help them? Discover these answers, so you're ready.
- It's ok to admit to your child that you are uncomfortable too.
Acknowledging your feelings and concerns is important so you can face your fears and prepare for this conversation. Get help from another adult if you need it. Prepare yourself for the uncomfortable parts of this conversation so that they don't take you by surprise and you're ready to take on the conversation head-on!
How To Talk To LGBTQ+ Children About Sex Step 2: Be prepared and open to talking about sex
To have a good, open conversation about sex, you need to be willing and able to talk about it.
- Don't assume anything. Don't assume you're child already knows anything or has already done things. For example: if your child has expressed they are bisexual, don't assume that they have already had relationships with boys and girls.
- Be honest. Speak from experience, not from speculation. If you don't know something, don't fake it. If you need to learn more about something, say that you need to learn more, and you will get back to your child with an answer as soon as you know it.
- Don't assume that your child will have the same experiences you did growing up.
- It is essential to talk about safe sex, STDs, and preventing unplanned pregnancy, just like you would with a heterosexual son or daughter. If you are not familiar with best practices for safe sex with a same-sex partner, then do your research now, so you're ready to talk about it.
- Yes, teen pregnancy is still a risk, even if you're child is gay or lesbian. Actually, LGBT teens have a bigger likelihood of teen pregnancy than teens in the general population. Be prepared to talk about birth control options and emergency contraception.
How To Talk To LGBTQ+ Children About Sex Step 3: Focus on building open communication between you and your child.
- Start talking to your child about their body parts at an early age.
- Use proper names for body parts, not cute ones like va-j-j or pee.
- Initiate conversation, even if it's uncomfortable. When you initiate conversation, you also tell your child that the topic is ok to discuss. It's ok if they don't want to talk to you about things right then and there. They will probably need time to prepare themselves for this conversation too. Let your child know it's ok to revisit the topic whenever they feel comfortable.
- Use gender-neutral language whenever possible to not assume you're child's preferences.
- Don't overreact, get angry, yell, or scold a child when they are vulnerable. If a child is brave enough to ask questions, don't tease them.
- And if you're child doesn't re-approach you to talk about sex, then initiate another talk at a later date. Sometimes it's just too difficult and embarrassing to start this conversation with parents. Some kids need you to take the initiative- even if they have things to say. They need their mom or dad to get the ball rolling, so revisit this conversation every few months.
The most important thing to remember when talking to your LGBTQ teen about sex is that you should do it in a comfortable way for both of you. If they ask questions, answer them honestly and openly--but if they don't want to talk about it, let them know that there will always be time later when they're ready.
How To Talk To LGBTQ+ Children About Sex Step 4: Now That Your Ready To Talk, You Need To LISTEN First.
You may be prepared and even excited to talk to your teen, but don't jump the gun. You don't want this conversation to be a lecture. Instead, you want your child to lead the discussion! Yes, you will initiate the talk, but once the conversation has started, it is time to ask questions and listen to their answers.
- Start simple. Ask if the teen has a romantic interest in anyone right now. Ask if they have ever kissed someone else. Ask how the kids at their grade level show affection. You are not expected to know everything about your child's life. Still, parents must understand what their children are doing and thinking about.
- Ask your child what they are curious about. You can give them examples of topics if they are too shy to ask about specific things. For example, you can ask your child, "Are you curious about what _______ feels like? Do you have questions about contraceptives? Is there anything that scares you about being in a relationship? What are you excited about trying? The bottom line is: ask open-ended questions that you can't answer, yes or no. This will allow your child to lead the conversation with questions they want to learn about.
- Take cues from your teen. Please pay attention to their body language and facial expressions. If your child seems MORE uncomfortable than what you consider "ok," don't push them. You can try again later when they seem more relaxed and open to the conversation.
- Talk to your child about PHYSICAL SAFETY. Online dating is becoming more popular among teens (especially the LGBTQ community because they may need to look outside their social network for romance.) Meeting strangers online is unsafe, and you will need to address this with your teenager. Talk out a safety plan you and your teen can agree upon that avoids high-risk situations and allows your child to meet new people and explore.
- If your child is trans or non-binary, ask how they feel about sex, intimacy, and their specific concerns. Trans and non-binary people often feel uncomfortable in their own skin. In turn, this can affect their sexuality. Don't be surprised if your child has romantic interests but not sexual interests. These are two different things. Many want to love and intimacy without sexual intercourse or even sexual arousal.
- Expect questions and be prepared to answer them. When your child asks a question about sex, it's easy to feel like you're drowning and can't get air. You might wonder if they're asking because they want to try something new or maybe test the waters. It's important to remember that this is their way of learning more about themselves and how they fit into the world around them.
How To Talk To LGBTQ+ Children About Sex Step 5: Create boundaries and rules together.
Don't treat your LGBTQ+ child any differently than a heterosexual child. Suppose your heterosexual child has rules about their boyfriend/girlfriend coming over and spending time in their room. In that case, your LGBTQ+ child should have similar boundaries. Discuss with your child your concerns and create rules TOGETHER that your teen can understand and abide by.
- Consider having an open door policy (when the bedroom door must be left open whenever others come over.)
- Talk about dating. What are the rules and expectations?
- Start negotiating the expectations for Prom or Homecoming if your teen is old enough for these long-night dating opportunities.
- Discuss specific rules for sleepovers. Will you allow overnight social opportunities, and how are the rules different?
Creating rules together may not be your forte. Many parents would rather take the "I said so" stance, but by creating rules together, you also increase the chances that your child will comply.
We hope these tips will help you feel more confident and prepared to talk with your child about sex. Remember, this is a challenging topic for everyone, and there is no single way to approach it. What matters most is keeping the lines of communication open, listening carefully, and responding to questions thoughtfully. Create boundaries together, and don't fake what you don't know. You got this! I am just here to help.
If this information was valuable for you today, BECOME a more impactful parent by downloading The Impactful Parent App. The Impactful Parent app is FREE and full of episodes like this one that will help you in your parenting journey. Investing in your family looks like learning the warning signs of certain behaviors so you can stop bad things before they start, discovering new parenting techniques to make your parenting more effective, and joining a community of like-minded parents that also want to be the best parent they can for their child. All of this, plus so much more, can be found inside The Impactful Parent app, so download it today. You got nothing to lose with this free parenting resource. Go to theimpactfulparent.com and discover how you can step up your parenting game and be a more impactful parent.
But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.
Thursday Feb 16, 2023
Thursday Feb 16, 2023
Help Kids With Cognitive Functioning
Help Kids With Cognitive Functioning with Betsy Hill and Roger Stark. Betsy and Roger explain the importance of Cognitive skills for academic success. Even better- Betsy and Roger give parents a solution to help kids that struggle with their cognitive functioning. Discover how Brainware testing and help from Betsy & Roger can improve your child's school performance, leave your child more confident, and better your child's organization and anxiety! Freebie is mentioned in the video located inside the Impactful Parent app!
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LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING
https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!
Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios
Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android
https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.
https://mybrainware.com/ For more from Betsy and Rodger
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Rate, Review, & Subscribe!
"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer! Thank you for making my parenting journey better!" <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!
Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!
Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!
What to do next:
- Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
- Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
- Subscribe to the PODCAST
- Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
- Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!
Bottom Line... I am here for YOU! Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com
Thursday Feb 09, 2023
Thursday Feb 09, 2023
Why is my teenager mean to me?
Founder of the Impactful Parent, Kristina Campos, gives parents 5 reasons why their child might be mean AND 5 things that parents can do to help cultivate a better relationship with their child.
LINKS MENTIONED IN THE RECORDING
https://theimpactfulparent.com/app Download the FREE Impactful Parent App! Available on Apple and Android App Stores. FREEBIES from episodes included!
Apple Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/ios
Android Play Store: https://theimpactfulparent.com/android
https://theimpactfulparent.com for more FREE Resources and paid programs.
Rate, Review, & Subscribe!
"I love Kristina and all the FREE tips that she has to offer! Thank you for making my parenting journey better!" <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you!!!
Rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!
Also, if you haven't done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'm adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you're not subscribed, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Subscribe now!
What to do next:
- Get The Impactful Parent App! Everything you need in your parenting journey in one spot! Available on the Android Play Store and the Apple Store. Search Impactful Parent (direct links listed above under Links in Episode).
- Follow The Impactful Parenton social media if you don’t already! Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, & Pinterest
- Subscribe to the PODCAST
- Check out the official website of The Impactful Parent for FREE RESOURCES, parenting classes, mom’s groups, and so much more! Click here to check it out!
- Discover how you can work with Kristina! Sign up for a FREE 30-minute discovery call! Click here to find a time that works best for you!
Bottom Line... I am here for YOU! Contact me at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com
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Transcript of Why Is My Teenager Mean To Me?
Why Is My Teenager Mean To Me?
They eye rolls and snarky eye stares. The "selective hearing" and the attitude in their voice. You've heard it before: teenagers are a hormonal mess. But what does that mean? Are they all going through some phase? How should an impactful parent respond to the crazy, stank eye?
Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at theimpactfulparent@gmail.com or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous.
Today, I will talk to you about why your teenager is so mean and stick around to the end because I will also give you tips for dealing with these frustrating situations. Let's get started!
It's true about the teenage brain not being fully developed. It's also true that teens will get an instinctual urge to detach from the family and assert independence. But is this really causing your teen to be so mean and lash out at you (and maybe even everyone else)?
The next time your teenager is giving attitude, I want you to think about WHY this is happening? Most of the time, there are layers underneath those big emotions. Here are some reasons why your teen is throwing you shade and my suggestions for what to do about it.
Why Is My Teenager Mean? Reason 1: It's easier to be angry than sad.
One of the most common reasons teenagers are mean to their parents is their anger. Anger is a powerful emotion that can manipulate others, distract from sadness, and cover up fear. Since teens don't have the skill set to deal with negative emotions in healthy ways, they may take out their anger on you. Remember, kids, see their parents as a safe space. You're supposed to love them no matter what, even if they are mean. You'll see a lot of teens pushing these boundaries and testing your love- even on a subconscious level. Yes, TESTING your love! Teens are sometimes so insecure and frustrated with their life that they'll test the security of home and your love to ensure it's still "safe." They need that safe place to vent and the stability of your love to be their security net. Of course, none of this is said aloud. Parents are just supposed to know this and pass the test.
What to do: If you've noticed your teenager being angry, try talking to them about it in a non-judgmental way when the dust has settled a little bit. Say something like, "I'm having trouble understanding why you're so upset with me lately. Can you tell me what's happening and how I can stop annoying you?" This will allow your teenager to vent—and hopefully help them see how hurtful their behavior has been toward you.
Why Is My Teenager Mean? Reason 2: They want to be independent.
Most teenagers are constantly testing their boundaries, but that's not necessarily bad. They're figuring out who they are and what they want out of life, which involves making mistakes, taking risks, and trying on new identities. You may notice that your teenager is more critical or sarcastic than usual—or even downright mean—because they need to make decisions independently. Your teenager needs to develop a sense of self-reliance to effectively function in the adult world after high school.
What to do: If you see your teen being mean to assert independence, focus on correcting their tone and NOT their message. Let them speak and declare their opinions but remind them that their opinions and voice will be better received if their tone is strong but respectful. I often tell my kids that I won't hear what they say until they control their emotions, body, and tone. Then I am all ears. This is also a situation where you must practice what you preach and model the behaviors you want to see. You can't demand your teen to talk to you respectfully if you raise your voice at them consistently. This brings me to reason number 3…
Why Is My Teenager Mean? Reason 3: The influence of their friends and YOU.
As I said before, it’s normal for teens to try out new things and most of what they will try out is learned behaviors from peers, media, and you.
It's natural for teens to want to fit in. They need friends, and they want their peers to like them. Parents are often seen as a barrier between their teens and other kids at school, so they sometimes act out against parents to get attention and approval from their friends.
While you may be tempted to blame your teen's behavior on peer pressure or immaturity, there is another possible explanation: Your teen may be modeling their behavior after yours!
If you are mean or disrespectful towards your child, then this can become normalized for them. Suppose you constantly yell at each other or use sarcasm (even in jest). In that case, your child will believe that this behavior is acceptable when interacting with you and even people outside the family, including authority figures like teachers and coaches.
What to do: Model the behavior you want to see and talk to your kids (when they are in a good mood) about the boundaries and appropriateness of using sarcasm, jokes, put-downs, tone, and other language nuances with others. This is a learned social skill for children. Teach them.
Why Is My Teenager Mean? Reason 4: Maybe they're trying to get attention from you and don't even know what they are doing.
Most teenagers are fighting an internal battle of wanting to stay in the safety of their parent's nest or fly away and make a new nest for themselves. They are stuck between being too young and yet too old. They aren't kids, but they're not quite adults yet. And whether your child voices this internal battle with mood swings or by using their words, there will surely be times when your teenager is longing for the attention of their parents but can't say the words anymore. If your teen is mean to you, they may be trying to get your attention so that you will spend more time with them. They also might be trying to get you to pay attention to their needs. Teens feel like adults don't listen and aren't interested in what they have to say, so teens can feel ignored.
What to do: Kill your child with kindness. When they are being rude and eye-rolling, don't take the bait to start an argument; instead, take a deep breath. Once you got your composure- start thinking about how you can show your child you love them by speaking their love language. Maybe you can text your child a few words of encouragement before a test or make some popcorn for their homework hour? Whatever you do, focus on killing your child with kindness. This will give your child the attention they didn't even know they needed, strengthening the bond you can create with them. To discover more about your child's love language and get specific examples of what to do, check out my podcast/blog/video called How to Love A Teenager: The 5 Love Languages.
YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10vqibwLmXE
Blog: https://theimpactfulparent.com/?p=6778
Why Is My Teenager Mean? Reason 5: Your bond is broken.
It happens to some families. Maybe the parents must work long hours to keep food on the table. Perhaps the personalities of you and your child don't mix. It doesn't matter WHY or HOW you got here, but maybe you don't have a bond with your child anymore. Your child may feel wronged or abandoned. This is a big cause for concern. Your child can develop mental health issues.
What to do: Stay silent, keep a journal tracking your child's behaviors, focus on creating a healthy relationship with your child, and get professional help.
Staying silent is also a good tactic when presented with any of the other 4 reasons your child is being mean. Staying silent is great because it doesn't take the bait for starting an argument or show how badly your child is bothering you. Now, I get it. Many parents think, "I can't just let my child talk to me like that," and I agree. There are consequences in my home for mistreating others. However, sometimes it's better to stay silent at the moment to not escalate the situation further and then revisit your response, consequences, and next steps when emotions are regulated.
Keep a journal of your child's outbursts. Can you spot patterns in their rage or rudeness. Journaling can be handy for finding answers and help.
And finally, focus on creating a new bond with your child. Get help to get started. The Impactful Parent app offers several suggestions for cultivating a relationship with your child again. I also do one on one coaching for families who want personal attention. I also recommend healthcare professionals who can work with you, your child, or the whole family to open up the lines of communication in your home again.
The bottom line is that teenagers are going through a lot. They want to be independent, but they also want to be loved. They feel misunderstood, angry and sad all at once. They don't know how to deal with big emotions, so they take it out on others instead (like you).
Pause the next time your child is being mean, and ask yourself, What Is Really Going On Here? Is this even about you, or maybe you're just the punching bag? Playing detective and discovering the WHY behind the behaviors is your Impactful Parent challenge. You can do this.
If this information was valuable for you today, BECOME a more impactful parent by downloading The Impactful Parent App. The Impactful Parent app is FREE and full of episodes like this one that will help you in your parenting journey. Investing in your family looks like learning the warning signs of certain behaviors so you can stop bad things before they start, discovering new parenting techniques to make your parenting more effective, and joining a community of like-minded parents that also want to be the best parent they can for their child. All this, plus so much more, can be found inside The Impactful Parent app, so download it today. You got nothing to lose with this free parenting resource. Go to theimpactfulparent.com and discover how you can step up your parenting game and be a more impactful parent.
But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.